


It Wasn't Supposed To Happen This Way

by HydraVentalya



Series: In Another World [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Attempt at Humor, Cam'helin, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Halani the Wolf, Hurt/Comfort, It's really soft okay, Kida Lavellan, Light Bondage, Magic, Mild Smut, Mutual Pining, Personal Growth, Second Chances, Self-Worth Issues, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Swearing, This is a DA4 AU, Touch-Starved, Trust Issues, Uuhhh, second love, vague plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:40:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 48,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22867273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HydraVentalya/pseuds/HydraVentalya
Summary: Taking her mission to Tevinter to lead on the front lines, Kida Lavellan finds friendship in a rather strange man. But with friendship comes something she never thought she'd have again. . .
Relationships: Female Lavellan/Original Male Character(s), Female Lavellan/Solas, Fen'Harel/Female Lavellan
Series: In Another World [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1643755
Kudos: 10





	1. First Sight

**Author's Note:**

> This is a DA4 AU set in Tevinter a year after Trespasser and spans thirteen months. The epilogue happens four years after the last chapter.
> 
> Month 1.

_Tevinter._

It was all that Kida Lavellan had thought it would be, and then a little more. It was warmer than Ferelden, the streets of Minrathous bustling with life. The nobles, the slaves, the commoners, the refugees, they all mingled into one pulsing crowd, but she didn't fail to notice how everyone gave the higher-ups more space to peruse. She didn't fail to notice how the slaves stood hunched, some even flinched, when their masters turned toward them.

From everything she'd seen by far in Tevinter, it was the most sickening.

Alas, as much as she wished to become an advocate for them, maybe taking up similar work as Fenris, she had her own business to attend to. She hadn't come to Minrathous on a social call, nay. Things were far more dire.

Her left hand flexed under her cloak, or rather her gauntlet did, she hadn't had a proper left hand for a year now. Not since that day. However, she did have a right nasty scar and half of a metal arm thrumming with magic and lyrium, so she supposed it could've been worse. By way of old habit she curled her fingers as she would have when they were flesh, rotating her wrist and clenching her hand into a fist. The familiar popping of her joints wasn't felt nor heard, only the unnaturally smooth twisting and turning of finely crafted metal. It was yet another reminder of how much had changed.

A low growl next to her pulled her from her mind, of her swirling thoughts and watchful gaze, and she looked down at Halani, her ever faithful companion. His ears were drawn back, eyes sharp and collar bristled as he watched a dark alley. Her head flicked up in time to see someone disappear into the shadows and a shriek could be heard, just barely louder than the incessant noise of the crowd. No one looked up, no one even flinched except for a young elven woman who stood close by, her eyes trained on her master's feet.

With dread and something akin to anger growing in her, Kida began to push her way through the horde of people toward the alley.

Another scream echoed through the opening as she rounded the corner, followed by a cruel laugh.

"No, no please-" A hitched sob cut off the masculine voice, the young elven boy crawling away from the three people advancing on him. When his back hit the stone wall, signaling a dead end, a violent tremor ran through him. "Don't, please n-"

His words were cut off by a cry of pain as one of the pursuers lunged forward and gripped his hair, pulling him to his knees.

"You're spirited! That'll catch us a good price!" The man who held him laughed and Kida felt frost crawl up her arms to her neck.

"Enough!" She seethed and, before they could properly react, rushed forward and sank the pointed fingers of her gauntlet into the man's back. As soon as his grip on the young boy loosened Kida flexed her hand and twisted, yanking the man away and toward one of the other slavers. She was vaguely aware of Halani's deep growls and the panicked scream of the third man, but she only cared for the one in front of her.

He didn't have a chance to recover after dodging his previously impaled companion, she didn't give him the luxury. She lunged, gripping his throat and squeezing. Blue-white frost quickly creeped from between her fingers, dancing across the skin of his neck and up his jaw in a way that would have been beautiful, had it not been about to stop his heart.

She quickly dropped him when his squirming ceased, not wanting to touch the type of man he was any longer than necessary. Throwing a quick glance at Halani to see that he was indeed unhurt, she turned toward the boy.

Having a moment to look at him, Kida realized with a stab of regret that he couldn't have been older than fourteen. That regret turned into a sharp knife when, instead of fear, the young elf looked at her with wonder.

_'Not old enough to pull back a hunter's bow, yet he's seen worse than what I just did.'_ The very thought made her sick.

"Are- are you here to save me?" The boy asked as she slowly stepped toward him, voice trembling even as hope crept into it.

Kneeling down in front of him, Kida reached up and pulled back her hood, slowly, so she didn't frighten him.

"Yes. You are safe for now." She said softly, adding the last two words because she knew that she wouldn't be able to stay with him long.

Some of the tightly wound tension in the boys shoulders released, previously unshed tears breaking past his fragile barrier and sliding down his cheeks. Kida's brows pinched as Halani silently stepped closer, extending his nose and licking the elf's bloody knee. He flinched at first, watching the wolf warily, but was quick to relax.

"What is your name, _da'len_?" Kida asked, keeping her voice steady as her eyes trailed over the tattered clothing he wore. They held more resemblance to rags than anything else, covered in dirt and blood as they were.

The boy looked up from hesitantly touching Halani's head, his eyes meeting hers briefly before flicking over her shoulder. The color drained from his face, causing her to tense. Gauntlet poised and ice crackling, she twisted just in time to see the slaver she'd impaled standing behind her, face contorted in rage and lightening pulsing in his hand. Before anyone could act however, the sound of shattering ice echoed off of the walls and a wet gurgle passed the slaver's lips, blood dripping out of his mouth. With a heavy thud he collapsed to the ground.

In one fluid motion Kida was on her feet, blocking the boy from view as a cloaked figure stepped toward them. Halani stood next to her, teeth and jaws stained red from the previous fight. Her stance turned defensive when the figure reached up and pulled back their hood, cool steam still trailing from their fingers.

"That was close." The voice was doubtlessly masculine, an airy softness to it despite its deep pitch, a Tevene accent dancing on its edges. Cautiously the man stepped closer, into a streak of stray light, revealing shoulder length ebony hair and the telltale pointed ears of an elf. Eyes the color of deep forest moss flicked over her form, then the wolf at her side. "Are you alright?"

Kida felt the young boy grab the back of her cloak, huddling close to her at the sound of the man's voice. She eyed him warily. He wasn't Dalish, but then that wasn't a surprise, she was in Tevinter after all. Still, it was strange for people in this country to help without wanting something in return.

"Who are you?" She asked, slipping into the cool professionalism of the Inquisitor so easily it was second nature.

"I'm Cam'helin." He took a step forward, seemingly to shake her hand but thinking better of it, settling for a polite nod. "And you?"

She glanced at Halani and upon seeing him calm and sitting on his haunches, relaxed her defensive stance. As she slipped her gauntleted arm into her cloak she gave him a once over, taking in his fine armor and the elegant staff strapped to his back, as well as his clean appearance.

He _seemed_ harmless enough, he did just save her, but she knew better than to put her trust in that alone. Still, he'd given her no reason to be hostile.

"I am Kida," she finally said, giving him a grateful nod. "Thank you for your help."

"Naturally, I couldn't just stand aside." He said, sounding offended by the mere idea. Glancing down, he gestured at her legs. "Are they well?"

Twisting her torso to look behind her, Kida gently touched the top of the young elf's head, causing him to look up from where he had buried his face in her lower back.

"It is safe." She assured, stroking a thumb over his dirty hair, coaxing him to stand next to her. The boy all but clung to her, gripping her waist with surprising strength as he stared wide-eyed at Cam'helin. The man gave him a comforting smile.

"Your name, _da'len_?" Kida asked again, tapping two fingers on his shoulder to capture his attention.

"I'm Talwin." He answered quietly, seeming to be bashful of all things as he gazed up at her.

"Where is your family, Talwin?" She questioned, glancing at Cam'helin as she asked, finding the elven man watching the interaction curiously.

"They. . ." He tailed off, eyes glazing over with tears. "The slavers got them. Papa told me to run."

White hot anger shot down Kida's spine, but she quickly quelled it upon feeling frost crawl along her neck. This boy was alone, with nowhere to go that was safe. Even if there was she wouldn't want to leave him alone, he was too skinny for his age and she doubted that he knew anything about surviving on his own. Looking up, she met Cam'helin's gaze with her own, golden eyes gleaming like liquid fire in the shadows.

She didn't know him, much less trust him, the man was a mystery to her. But Halani wasn't hostile toward him, the wolf was comfortable even, and for the moment, for what she was going to ask, that was enough for her.

"Can you take him?"

Cam'helin blinked, apparently not expecting her to ask anything of the sort. He shook his head however, brows furrowed as he watched Talwin with empathy. "I'm afraid not. I have business to attend to that wouldn't be safe for a child to be involved in." He studied her face, tilting his head slightly, confusion and curiosity mingling on his features. "He can't go with you?"

"Can I?" Talwin's hand tugged on her waist and when she looked down, she would've had to have been blind not to see the hope and admiration written boldly across his face. The boy practically had stars in his eyes.

"No, I'm sorry. I am on a very dangerous mission." She said, loathing herself for being the one to snuff that light out of his eyes. In a feeble attempt to console him she combed her fingers through his hair, letting out a weary sigh.

It'd been a long day, and it was far from ending.

A sudden idea struck her, causing her hand to still and a faint smile to touch her lips. _'Yes, that would do well.'_ She thought, her mind settling.

"I know somewhere you will be safe." She said to Talwin, making him perk up and Cam'helin quirk a brow.

Unceremoniously she began to wipe her bloody gauntlet on the inside of her cloak, doing her best to get the majority of it clean. She didn't care for her cloak, it was old and ripped in some places, and with where she was going she had no doubt she would leave with a fine replacement. Once she was satisfied she held it out, rotating her wrist and flexing her fingers as she worked her magic into it, awakening the lyrium inside. She heard Cam'helin inhale sharply, no doubt feeling the energy the arm held.

With an almost silent hiss it began moving, reconstructing, the pointed tips and sharp edges sinking into small holes as a smooth hand took its place. The metal was silver in color, seemingly seamless, and identical to her flesh hand. It was still remotely new to her, having had it switched for Dagna's newest model before she left for Tevinter, but it was still much easier to work with than the previous one. She needed to send the dwarf a thank you note, along with details on how it preformed as per her request.

"Fascinating. . ." Cam'helin breathed.

Reaching down Kida lifted Talwin, settling him on her hip and holding him secure with her newly-formed metal arm. She hadn't touched anyone this much in a while and it was. . . awkward for her, to say the least. Meeting his confused expression with an assuring smile, Kida spoke as she pulled part of her cloak over his shoulders.

"There is someone I would like you to meet, he will look after you." She said, waiting for boy to nod before turning to Cam'helin.

She'd been painfully aware of the man watching her, curiosity and something akin to awkwardness washing off of him, as if he wasn't sure if he should leave or stay. In the past she might have found it amusing, maybe even endearing, but now she had more important things to do.

"Thank you once again for your help, Ser." She broke the silence, shifting in preparation to move around him. "But I have places to be and time is not on my side."

"Of course," he answered, pivoting on his heel and falling into step beside her, clasping his hands behind his back. "Where are you headed, if I might ask?"

"I need to speak with Dorian Pavus as soon as possible." She said after a moment, seeing no harm in telling him that much.

"Pavus?" He repeated, sounding surprised. "What business do you have with him?"

"I fear that is not something I am willing to disclose to a strange man I met in an alley." Kida said dryly, earning an amused chuckle.

"No, I suppose it isn't." The beginning of a smile pulled at his lips before he reached out and tapped her shoulder. It had the effect he wanted, she stopped walking, albeit holding back an irritated huff, and turned to look at him.

"I have business with the man as well," Cam'helin started, causing Kida to quirk a brow. "Perhaps we could go together?"

"And why would I want to do that?" Her words were cool, collected, detached. It was a tone she used more and more often these days, one she used to get what she wanted. And at that moment, she wanted him to go away.

To her confusion and mild bafflement, it had no effect on the man aside from giving him an amused little smile. He gestured in the direction she was headed.

"Well, for one I know the way." He said, taking a step forward and pointing to his right. "It's over there. If you keep walking that way you are going to end up in the slums." Reaching up he smoothed back his hair, gloveless fingers weaving easily through the strands. "Two, I have business with Ser Pavus, as I've said." He clasped his hands behind him. "Three, it is safer for elves to travel together when in Tevinter, especially so when it's obvious none of us are slaves."

Kida watched him, lips pursed, irritated that everything he said made sense. It had been a while since someone's company had gotten under her skin so easily, years in fact, all the way back to when she first started working with the Inquisition. She truly had no valid reason to be irritated at Cam'helin, just as she had no reason back then to dislike everyone's company. The answer behind it set heavily on her shoulders.

She had been alone for too long.

After the revelation and losing her arm, she had retreated into herself. She still spoke to her friends of course, but she no longer shared her personal issues, refusing to open up even under Dorian's gentle prodding. Now here she stood in Tevinter, on a mission to stop the Dread Wolf, her _Vhenan,_ from ripping the Veil down, and getting angry at a kind man for being right. Simply because she'd been alone too long.

A small hand squeezed her bicep, pulling her attention away from Cam'helin and to the boy in her arms.

"He saved you, let him come." Talwin said, loud enough for Cam'helin to hear.

_'That he did,'_ she thought in resignation. _'And yet he left that out of his list of reasons.'_

Sighing heavily through her nose, Kida met the man's earnest gaze. "Very well. Lead the way, Cam'helin."

She didn't know what she expected him to do, but it certainly wasn't smile. It lit up his face, flashing dimples and making the corners of his eyes crinkle. He was obviously pleased about accompanying her, though she didn't think it was as important as he seemed to believe it was.

But all in all, he had a pleasant smile. Almost. . . charming.

Cam'helin wouldn't be with her long, but Kida figured she was overdue for decent company.


	2. A Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Month 1, two and a half days after chapter one.

Kida watched the fire, how the flames licked the wood until it shifted, collapsing into a pile of charred and broken pieces. A pale comparison to what it was before. She couldn't help but compare herself to it, how the world had lashed her with fire, burning her simply because she wished to help. How _he_ had pulled at her heart, comforting her, sharing with her, yet leaving one thing that would shake the world in the shadows.

Her brows furrowed, thoughts spiraling. _'Did he really believe that I would not understand? I have always understood, at least I tried to.'_ Her grip tightened on the jawbone necklace in her hand, _his_ necklace, the one he gave her just before they set out for the Temple of Mythal. She'd never worn it in the past, too afraid to lose it, but ever since she last saw him it had hung securely around her neck.

Her jaw clenched, _'A reminder of what I-'_

"Kida?"

Her head snapped up, eyes flitting across the fire to land on Cam'helin. Brows pinched slightly, he looked at her as if she were about to break down.

Truthfully she had forgotten he was there, being as quiet as he was, something she didn't expect when she first met him. He did talk of course, just not as much as she thought he would. A small blessing. Often she caught him watching her curiously, paying rapt attention when she spoke to others, a calculating intelligence in his eyes. It took longer than she would like to admit to realize what he was.

A spy. Or at least, that's what he was to Dorian.

Her dear friend was the one who suggested that she let him help her, assuring her that he was trustworthy and even going as far as to vouch for the elf. She'd been wary at first, he was a spy after all. What if he worked for one of her enemies, or even the Dread Wolf himself? But Dorian Pavus was a sharp man, brilliant even, and she trusted him more than anyone, even though she had distanced herself.

He had also pointed out, much to her ire, that she was grumpy and was in need of more company than Halani. If she remembered correctly, his exact words were, _"The kind of companion that talks back with words when you speak to them."_

Which brought them to where they were now, resting in a modestly built camp on the outskirts of Minrathous, nestled under the shelter of a large rock.

"Are you well?" Concern was clear in Cam'helin's eyes, bleeding into his words as they softly left his lips.

"Yes, I am." Kida lied smoothly, releasing the jawbone so that it rested against her ribcage. She was silently thankful to him for saying something, it wasn't good for her mental stability to spiral into her thoughts like she was.

Yet still he stared at her, as if he was waiting for her to say something else. Deciding to humor him, she shifted so that her torso faced him. "Are you?"

"Yes," he said, amusement dancing with the reflection of the fire in his eyes as he settled against the smooth boulder behind him. Raising a leg he rested an elbow on his knee, gazing around them. "Where is Halani? He disappeared a little while ago and I haven't seen him since."

"He is hunting," she replied just as the animal in question bounded into view with what she hoped was a very large rabbit in his jaws.

Halani made straight for her other new companion, a fiery elf called Yeros, who had been silent as she balanced on her hands and head. When Kida had asked, Yeros simply said it helped her manage her anger. The wolf seemed to care little for the woman's attempt at inner peace however, dropping the dead prey directly in front of her face. The heavy thud and strong string of what was undoubtedly Tevene curses that left her mouth would have made a sailor blush.

Having not yet asked, Kida was only aware that Yeros was newly tangled up in everything that was happening and had somehow ended up in Dorian's parlor. Upon the man's request she'd agreed to let the spitfire accompany her, though she honestly couldn't figure out how he always managed to talk circles around her. One of the benefits of dealing with the Magister's of the Imperium, she supposed.

Yeros seemed a decent enough person, despite being as angry and bitter as she was. Kida believed that she had endeared herself to the young woman however, if the way Yeros had looked at her when she brought Talwin to Dorian was any indication. She'd practically beamed when the man agreed to take care of the boy, so much so that Kida had the suspension that she was an ex-slave.

With a faint half-smirk she watched Halani paw at Yeros, who was currently holding one of the rabbits up and lecturing the wolf on what sounded like manners.

Gesturing lazily with her hand, Kida looked at Cam'helin. "There he is." She said dryly.

Her words pulled a warm chuckle from him as he watched the scene unfold, and fleetingly she wondered what it would take to make him truly laugh. It wasn't a time for such things, they were at war, yet nevertheless she found herself curious.

"Cam'helin." He met her gaze at the sound of his name, and upon seeing the interested tilt of her head, gave her his full attention. "Who are you?"

He blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Before all of this," she clarified, waving a hand around them. "What did you do? You do not strike me as a circle mage."

"Because I'm not." He answered steadily, clasping his hands and staring slightly to the left of her face. "I was raised on the outskirts of Tevinter by my parents, they did everything they could to keep me safe from slavers." He met her gaze, eyes unusually dim. "In the end, it killed them."

Kida immediately felt regret lance through her, sympathy crashing onto her shoulders in waves as frost twisted around her wrists. "My apologies, I should not have asked."

He shook his head, the sad smile twisting his lips making him look older. "Nonsense, you didn't know. It was a long time ago." He said, running his thumb over his knuckles. "After that I worked odd jobs, but I found that most of my talents lie in healing and spying. As you could guess, many people have a use for those talents." He gave a chuckle, interlacing his fingers. "I've been working for Ser Pavus for nearly three years now. He is a good man, pays well."

"I can see that." Kida's lips twitched, taking in his intricate armor. It was a rich chocolate brown highlighted with dark green and black, the design something you would only find in Tevinter. He had taste, she'd give him that, the colors contrasted well with his olive skin.

"What about you?" He asked with a smile, leaning toward her in interest. "You sound like a Marcher, but the way you say certain words sounds Ferelden."

"What words?" She blurted without thought, sounding more indignant than she meant to. She was fond of her Free Marches accent, she didn't wish to lose it, especially if she was starting to sound Ferelden.

Cam'helin's smile grew, dimples flashing, "Mostly it's words with A, like 'fade' and 'stay.'"

Kida huffed, irritated with herself, and it seemed to take everything he had not to laugh, cupping a hand over his mouth.

"I will need to work on that." She said decisively, watching with growing amusement as his shoulders silently shook. She couldn't bring herself to be irritated at him, not offended in the slightest that he was obviously laughing at her.

"As for your question. . ." She trailed off. Kida didn't mind speaking of how she'd grown up, it had simply been a while since she told anyone. Along with that, opening up was difficult for her, especially now. But Cam'helin watched her with undivided attention, green eyes unwavering in their interest, and that was enough to make her give.

"I am Dalish and a Marcher." She began, absently drawing circles on one of her knees. "My clan traveled, primarily around Wycome but we never settled anywhere for long. I did not get along with the Keeper very well, our views clashed on numerous subjects." Golden eyes flicked to the stars above. "As the years passed I became an outcast."

"How did you end up with the Inquisition?" He asked, causing her to look back at him, nose slightly wrinkled.

"You will laugh at me."

"What? Why?" He looked far too amused already, she knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself this time. However, she was also curious if she could succeed in making him laugh.

Sighing lightly she propped her metal elbow on her knee, expression deadpan as she held his gaze.

"I lost my way to the loo at the Conclave."

Cam'helin stared at her, mouth agape and pure astonishment painted in broad strokes across his face. "Are you-" He blinked. "You're serious?"

She quirked a brow, giving him her best wry expression, and lamented, "There were too many doors."

He rocked backward, one arm holding his leg to his chest and looking at her as if she'd just said the most ridiculous thing. In a way, she supposed she had.

And then he was laughing.

Loud, free, and so boisterous that he drew the attention of Yeros and Halani across the camp. It was infectious, far too joyful for the setting, completely at odds with his soft way of speaking. Yet before she could stop herself, Kida was laughing too. It was much quieter than his, but it held joy and it shook her shoulders, coming from deep within her chest.

She was laughing, for the first time in years.

She couldn't help the sense of wonder that came to her. It felt. . . _nice,_ to laugh again, with a strange elven man she met in an alley no less.

When he finally grasped some remote control over himself again he was flushed, a deep red splashed across his cheekbones and disappearing under his collar. Upon seeing the smile she wore his own widened, flashing his dimples, as if he'd reached some personal achievement.

"I am _terribly_ sorry," he breathed out, wiping under his eyes. "I shouldn't have laughed that hard."

"You're perfectly fine," she waved off his apology, rubbing her lips together in an attempt to gain some control over herself. A familiar old ache pulled at her cheeks.

"Did you really do that?" He asked again, much to her amusement.

"Yes," she nodded with a chuckle. "I was irritated and already late for the talks, but some things will not wait."

Cam'helin's laugh reached her ears again, not as loud this time, but enough to renew her smile. The silence that followed afterward was companionable, baring close to pleasant, both of them resting back against their boulders.

Kida hadn't expected this, to fall back into the old routine of conversing and sharing laughs with one of her companions. It was only a few days ago that she met this man and at first he'd somehow pressed every single one of her buttons. She didn't lash out at him, she had no reason to, and thus it would have been unfair to him. Yet the first time she decided to have a conversation with him that wasn't mostly one-sided, he'd managed to make her _laugh_ , of all things.

A small smile played at the edges of her lips. _'Perhaps Dorian was right.'_ She thought, then added with a mental sigh. _'As always.'_

The silence between them stretched for a few more minutes before Kida felt eyes upon her. Pulling her gaze from the shining stars above, she turned her head to see Cam'helin staring at her. Or rather, staring at the jawbone necklace resting on her ribcage.

"May I ask you something?"

His voice was hesitant, causing her to reflexively clench her jaw. Whatever pleasant feelings she previously felt fell flat in the wake of the inevitable. A question she didn't want him to ask, one she didn't want to answer. Still a stranger to her, and he was about to touch on a subject she wouldn't even discuss with her closest friends.

"Why do you fight the Dread Wolf? What drives you to stand on the front lines?"

Kida kept her expression carefully stoic and closed as she slowly sat up, one hand wrapping around the jawbone and the other threading through her loose hair. Frost curled up her arms, spiraling over her shoulders and creeping around her neck. She didn't want to be rude to him, he wasn't aware of what he was asking. But that didn't stop it from hurting like an old broken bone, a deep ache she wasn't sure would ever heal.

When she met his eyes, prepared to give him the standard response she gave everyone, what she saw made the words die on her tongue.

Cam'helin looked so _earnest_ , so open and ready to accept whatever she said to him. Leaning toward her, one hand on his knee and the other braced on the ground at his thigh, his eyes held nothing but pure intentions. He looked like he expected her to make an excuse, and yet still held hope that she wouldn't.

He looked like someone she could trust.

But she didn't, not yet anyway. However, she also didn't need to tell him about the scars on her soul, she could simply. . . tell him the basics.

_'Yes,'_ she thought, turning fully toward him and crossing her legs. _'The basics. He cannot do anything with those, he cannot hurt me.'_

Breathing deeply she kept her gaze on his expression, trying not to choke on air as she began to speak quietly, "I know him as Solas, we fought together as friends in the past." She held up the necklace, firelight dancing over the polished bone. "This was his, gifted to me out of. . . affection." Lightly shaking her head she let it fall from her fingers to hang freely, pulling one of her knees to her chest. Lifting her metal arm she curled the smooth fingers, her gaze never leaving his as she rotated her wrist.

"After telling me what he planned to do he took the Anchor from me, which was wildly unstable and would have killed me otherwise." She continued, not bothering to explain as tales of the Inquisitor and her mark had spread across Thedas years ago. Along with many stories of fabricated nonsense.

Steel entered her tone, her eyes sharpening, "I stand on the front lines because what he plans on doing will destroy this world as we know it, and I am needed. I fight him because I do not want him to destroy himself, I want to help him find a better way."

Silence descended on them like a heavy blanket, neither breaking the eye contact they held. Kida's heart hammered against her ribcage as she watched him, waiting to see what he would do. She expected him to disagree with her, to question her for wanting to save him, just as everyone else did.

"You are a very strong person." He uttered after a few long moments, eyes laying his emotions bare. Surprise and wonder were there, but the most dominant was admiration. "After everything he has done to you and knowing what his plans are, you still want to help him. That takes a truly good heart."

Kida leaned back, away from him, eyes wide and expression twisted in both confusion and shock. By reflex she pressed down on the magic that flared against her skin, thick frost spreading down her torso so abruptly she nearly flinched.

Once again, Cam'helin had surprised her. She had wondered how he could be a spy, with the way he wore his emotions so openly, but now she had first hand experience on just how well he could disarm someone. And by the curious look he had now, she knew that he wasn't fully aware of the effect he had on people, on her.

She'd rather he stay unaware of that last bit.

"I-" A deep bark cut off her words, and Kida had never been more thankful to be interrupted. She didn't even know what she was going to say.

Cam'helin was given all of a two second warning before Halani bounded over to him, intent on licking his face. The elf didn't protest, either by the knowledge that he couldn't fend the wolf off or that he had no want to, she didn't know. He just laughed, completely at the animals mercy, and made broken pleas of 'not the mouth.'

Giving an amused snort, Kida sat up on her knees as Yeros came to kneel next to the fire, the makeshift spit held in her hands baring the rabbits that Halani had caught. The spitfire took one look at the mass of fur and wiggling limbs and scuffed, rolling her eyes.

"Unruly hairball." She muttered without venom, scratching her scarred bicep.

Kida didn't respond, silently taking pride in that unruly hairball, and reached out with her metal hand to help Yeros settle the spit over the fire.


	3. Pain and Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Month 2 and a half.

It was supposed to be a safe place. Kida had been there before, on her way to Minrathous, and the little cottage had been empty, long abandoned. Yet when she led the way toward the clearing in which it sat, she would have needed to be deaf not to hear the brash laughter and scuffling of careless footsteps. Upon peeking through the trees she'd seen quite a few slavers, along with their horses and battered elves with chains on their wrists.

Glancing at Cam'helin, she found that he looked almost as angry as she felt, eyes sharp and mouth twisted into a grimace. On her left she could _feel_ the heat radiating from Yeros, her rage causing the fire under her skin to flare. As for Kida herself, well. . . ice didn't crawl up her arms without any reason, the crackling of it causing the fur on Halani's spine to bristle.

They were outnumbered two to one, but that didn't concern Kida. She had fought dragons, closed more rifts to the Fade then she cared to count, and killed a false god. No fear came to her at the thought of man. As for her companions, she had witnessed firsthand the damage Cam'helin could do with a well-placed shard of ice, and had watched Yeros burn a woman alive in mere seconds.

"Protect the elves." Was all she said as she lunged forward, Halani three steps ahead of her, and buried the pointed claws of her gauntlet into an unsuspecting slaver's back.

That's all it took for panic to issue.

They didn't have time to properly react before Kida and her companions were upon them, having thought themselves safe in the forest. That doesn't mean they didn't put up a fight, brandishing their weapons and shouting battle cries as they moved to retaliate. Out of the corner of her eye Kida saw one swing their sword particularly close to Yeros' face, but the woman reared back, the sharp tip catching her bicep instead. It only spurred her on, fire igniting up her arms as she leapt forward with a yell, rapidly maneuvering around her target like some sort of rage demon.

Reaching out with her gauntlet Kida wrenched the shield from her opponents arm, not giving them a chance to recover before embedding a thick shard of ice into their chest. It had taken some getting used to the strength, she'd lost count of how many things she broke, but she soon learned how to use her metal arm. On and off the battlefield. Losing her dominant hand meant that many things changed for her, but the most prominent was her fighting style.

No longer did she stand back and swing her staff, freezing her enemies solid. Nay, with the ability to channel her magic through her arm, she had no need for a staff. And with the sharp prosthetic she now stood on the front lines, as if she were a warrior, attacking with both melee and magic.

A flash of light off to her right caught her attention, and she turned in surprise as a slaver dropped her staff, hands coming up to cover her face. Cam'helin stood not far off, expression and posture more furious than she'd ever seen. With all the grace of a dancer he spun his staff, flinging ice at his enemy before she could properly scream from his first spell.

The man was a force to watch, ebony hair flaring out as he planted his foot in the gut of someone who came too close. Twisting around he buried the blade of his staff in another, who had tried to catch him from behind. His eyes were alight with adrenaline, steam rolling off of his body, and Kida felt her breath catch when he slammed his fist into the side of their head.

Having been distracted, Kida didn't notice the slaver coming up behind her, only realizing their presence when white-hot pain seared her side. She lurched away from them with a shout, anger surging through her as she twisted to dispatch them, only to stop short upon seeing a fist shove itself through their chest from behind. Golden eyes met olive green as the body dropped between them, lyrium markings glowing bright blue even in the sun.

"Be careful!" Fenris shouted over the fighting, not giving her a chance to respond before turning to find another target.

Mind back in the fight, and off of Cam'helin, Kida lunged forward, the pain at her side momentarily forgotten in the wake of adrenaline.

With Fenris' help the rest of the slavers stood no chance, not one of them managing to get away in the short burst of chaos. Kida sighed heavily once the last fell, watching as Cam'helin dropped his staff and hurried toward the captured elves, Yeros not two steps behind him. Upon reaching them he held out his hands in a calming manner and spoke in gentle tones of what sounded like elvish, causing Kida to furrow her brows.

_'I was not aware he spoke elvish. . .'_ She thought, though she had no time to dwell as Fenris began striding toward her. Halani brushed against her thigh as he sat next to her.

"Inquisitor Lavellan," he started, earning an eye-roll from her.

"Blue Wraith." She quipped in retaliation to her title, turning toward him. Whatever words she planned on saying next were wiped from her mind, instead replaced with ones formed from shock. "You cut your hair."

It wasn't a question, but he responded anyway, "Yes, Hawke did."

With the ghost of a smile she reached out to clasp his hand, not realizing until he frowned that she'd offered him her bloody gauntlet. Quickly she switched it for her flesh hand, her smile turning sheepish. No matter how much she fought it, her dominant arm would always be the one she lost.

"I'd heard stories, but I didn't realize. . ." He trailed off, eyes studying her metal gauntlet as he shook her offered hand. "I'm sorry."

"Thank you, but it does not go all the way up. Only to my elbow." She answered his unspoken query, raising it and flexing the fingers. She didn't say it aloud, but she knew he recognized the design. The resemblance to the clawed gauntlets he wore in the past was so uncanny that it was impossible to miss.

Quickly getting back on track, she turned to the matter at hand. "I expected to find you in the closest town tomorrow, what are you doing here?"

"I caught word of these slavers and thought I could catch them before meeting you." Fenris explained, gaze sharpening as he looked toward her companions and the captured. "Who are they?"

"Cam'helin and Yeros." She answered, pointing at them as she said their names. "The woman is the one who will need to travel with you once we leave the town, you are headed in the same direction." Her shoulders sagged briefly with relief when she looked at him. "Thank you for your help, Fenris. This would be much more difficult if you were not here."

He flashed her a half-smile as her companions moved toward them, the elves and the slavers' horses in tow. "I consider you a friend, Lavellan, I won't abandon you when you need help."

Cam'helin and Yeros reached them then, both speaking at the same time.

"Kida, you're bleeding!"

"Holy shit, you're the Blue Wraith!"

Yeros glanced at Cam'helin with a confused expression before her gaze locked on Kida's waist, eyes widening. "Fuck, you are bleeding."

She had no doubt that they were right, it certainly hurt enough to be bleeding, but there were more important things to worry about. Without sparing it a glance she placed her hand over what felt like a large gash, stepping back when Cam'helin moved to inspect it. He gave her a stern look, eyes swimming with worry.

"Kida-"

"How are the captured?" She cut him off, leaning to the side so that she could look around him. They stood close together, dirty and battered, but all in one piece. Her breath of relief caught in her throat however, when she saw the _vallaslin_ on their skin.

_'Damn them all.'_ Her thoughts hissed, feeling personally assaulted, more so then she did with regular elves. Releasing her breath sharply through her nose, she shook her head in attempt to clear it. _'At least now I know why Cam'helin was speaking to them in elvish.'_

Intent on walking toward them, she took a step forward, only to stumble with a gasp. Her vision swam and blurred around the edges, knees buckling without her consent. But before she could hit the ground, strong arms caught her from behind, easing her down onto the grass and back against something solid and cool.

"Easy!"

Squeezing her eyes shut with a grimace, Kida waited until the spinning stopped before trying to sit up, only to groan when a hand pressed against her wound.

"Sit still." Cam'helin's voice sounded next to her ear, causing it to twitch. "You're going to make it worse." Seeming to believe she'd try to move anyway, he pressed his free hand against her chest for good measure. When Halani moved to sit in front of her, hindering her even further from standing, she repressed the urge to huff.

Looking up at Fenris and Yeros, who in turn watched her with concern, she quickly formulated a new plan.

"Seeing as I am in no condition to travel at the moment," she said, swearing she could hear Cam'helin's amused exhale, "Fenris, would you and Yeros take these elves to town and point them in the direction of the border? The Dalish do not travel this far north, I doubt they are here by choice." The elves nodded at her words, seemingly still too shocked to speak.

Fenris inclined his head, then tilted it to the side and asked, "What about you and him?"

"I don't think this stubborn man plans on letting me go anywhere until I can walk without limping," Kida replied honestly, the familiar feeling of exasperation she held for healers surfacing.

"Alright," Yeros said after a moment, nodding down at her. "We'll meet you in town in a couple days then?"

"Two days should be plenty," Cam'helin answered for her, "I should have it healed fully by then."

"You are going to drink all of my lyrium potions." Kida lamented, the pain slowly working her into slight delirium, as it always did.

A chuckle vibrated through his chest, "A small price to pay for your life." He said softly.

"Ooh, fix her quickly, Pretty Boy." Yeros said, words coated in amusement as she stepped backwards toward the horses. "She's not supposed to sound like that."

Kida bit back a smile at the nickname, feeling Cam'helin sigh good-naturedly. Fenris stood there for a moment longer, glancing between the three as if he'd seen similar antics, before giving her a nod.

"Take care of her." Was all he said as he walked away, causing her to snort lightly.

"Take care of yourselves!" She called out and Yeros waved in return after helping one of the older elves onto a horse.

Once everyone was mounted, Fenris and Yeros grabbed hold of the reins and led them out of the clearing into the forest.

Now that they were alone, Kida became painfully aware of everywhere Cam'helin was touching her. The coolness of his skin, something only an ice mage possessed. It wasn't that she was adverse to touch, on the contrary, she enjoyed a hug as much as the next person, but she hadn't had this much physical contact since. . . well, it had been a while. It had been a while and at the current moment it was all a bit too much.

As if sensing her discomfort, Cam'helin shifted, shuffling out from under her and easing her to the ground. Halani, who had been sitting silently at her feet until now, stood and trotted a short distance away, taking on the duty of watchdog.

"I need to clean this and start the healing process," he said steadily, causing her to groan in protest. Aside from a smile he ignored her complaining, continuing as he studied the gash. "It doesn't look too deep, but. . ." He trailed off, meeting her gaze with something akin to hesitation. "We need to remove your armor and shirt."

Her head snapped up sharply. "What?"

With an apologetic smile he gestured to her torso, "It is in the way." He explained, "I can't heal it if I don't know what I need to heal."

Kida groaned again, louder this time, thumping her head against the ground. The urge to argue with him about it flared, but the pain was stronger. It didn't bother her too much anyway, she'd never held modesty as high as other people, being Dalish. What did she have that no one else did?

"This is why I am not fond of healers," she griped as she pushed herself up, taking the hand he offered to steady her. "They always want you to take off your clothing."

"I'm not asking you to get naked, Kida." He scuffed, sounding offended at the mere idea. "I am not some run of the mill scoundrel."

"I know." She responded simply, only realizing what she said when he looked up, surprise evident on his face. Her lips twisted into a sneer as a smile curved his mouth.

"Did you just give me a _compliment?_ " He asked, sounding far too pleased.

"Do not flatter yourself." It was her turn to scuff, yet try as she might, she couldn't hide the amusement in her eyes.

A light laugh was his only response, his fingers setting to work on unlacing her armor while she braced herself on her hands. It didn't feel as awkward as she expected it to, being undressed by a man she'd only known a couple of months. There was the occasional fumble with the clasps of her breastplate, but aside from that, it unnerved her how natural it felt.

She didn't give herself time to dwell on it however, doing her best to ignore the pain and help him pull the leather over her head. Seeing the form fitting sleeveless tunic she wore underneath, he paused a moment before reaching into his boot, pulling out a short knife.

"It'll be less painful for you if I simply cut it off." He said, yet he didn't move, waiting for her response.

Holding back a grimace, Kida nodded once. It was her favorite shirt, but the less pain she was in, the less delirious she was. And she always regretted the things she said when she was in such a state.

Returning her silent gesture with one of his own, Cam'helin gripped the hem of her shirt, but hesitated once again when he placed the tip of the blade against the cloth.

"You-" He looked up, genuine worry in his eyes. "You're wearing a binder, right?"

She gave him a flat look, not believing her ears. "I am traveling across Tevinter, sleeping on the ground, and trying to stop a war," she said, disbelief coloring both her expression and tone. "Of _course_ I am wearing a binder, Cam'helin!"

Relief washed over his face and he briefly closed his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said with a smile, chuckling once as he focused again on his task.

"I cannot believe that's what concerns you the most right now." She said, shaking her head as she tried not to chuckle, not wanting to jostle her wound. "I currently have a gash in my side and you are worried about seeing my brea-"

In one smooth motion he pulled the knife up, splitting her shirt at the center and effectively cutting off her next words. Faintly she felt the cool metal tap the point of her chin, causing her to snap her now dry mouth closed, a soft pink staining her cheekbones.

"I always respect a woman's modesty," he said softly, his expression far too gentle and sincere as he slipped the knife back into his boot.

Wide-eyed and flustered, she stared at him as he peeled back the now ruined cloth. True to his word, his calculating gaze never strayed from the wound, studying it with the eyes of a seasoned professional. And if his tale was true, he was.

Kida stayed silent as he worked to clean the drying blood, doing her best to focus on the grass between her flesh fingers and not the gentle way his fingers pressed against her side. She wasn't used to this, being touched, letting someone take care of her. It had been years since she'd been to see a healer, preferring to take care of herself; even though healing poultices were far from cure-alls and her healing magic was shit at best. Not to mention she ran the risk of overexerting her magic by trying to heal herself when wounded.

As for the touch, _his_ touch. . . It felt nicer than she was willing to admit, despite the fact he was prodding at an open gash in her side. Having avoided skin-on-skin contact for so long, she had gone back to being touch starved, just as she had been when with her clan. Now, as much as she refused to believe it, Kida craved it. But as soon as anyone tried to get close it took everything she had not to run for the hills, terrified of being vulnerable in someone's arms again.

"Alright, now comes the uncomfortable part." Cam'helin said, causing her to tense when she saw the cool blue of healing magic begin to seep from one of his hands. By reflex she moved to twist away from him, only to freeze in place when his fingers wrapped around her elbow. She shivered, frost spiraling down her spine at the contact. "Kida?"

"I-" She snapped her mouth closed when her voice cracked. Clearing her throat, she tried again, "The sensation, it makes me faint. I don't want to."

She sounded vulnerable, she knew she did, and hated every second of it. But it was true, she didn't want to lie or worry him. Damn her loose tongue when she was in pain.

Instead of huffing in irritation like so many other healers, telling her to suffer through it, his thumb began to rub soothing strokes over her skin. Having kept her face turned away until now, Kida turned just enough to see his expression which, much to her surprise, held understanding and acceptance.

"It will be fine." He assured her softly. "If you do faint, I will keep you safe. Trust me."

Silence stretched between them, and while it felt like hours to her, it couldn't have been more then a few moments. _'Trust him,'_ her mind echoed. Did she trust him, could she truly bring herself to? Having already been burned before, so badly that it still haunted her, she was skeptical. But he had done nothing to earn her suspicion, having been honest and reliable up until now.

Searching his eyes, finding nothing but gentleness and imploring honesty, she breathed in deeply. _'I cannot allow that to rule who I am, I will not.'_

Slowly she relaxed backwards into the grass, raising her arms above her head and locking her hands around her wrists. The tense line of his shoulders eased slightly, gaze moving from her face back to the wound as he shifted into a more comfortable position on his knees. Keeping her eyes trained on the sky above, she tried not to flinch when the cool magic licked against her skin. Judging by the concerned way he looked up, she didn't succeed.

"Tell me something," he said suddenly, hand settling against the gash. "Anything to distract yourself."

In a fit to ignore the twisting sensation of her skin mending itself, she said the first thing that came to mind, "My full name is Kida'gakash Revas'Nan Lavellan."

His soft chuckle sounded in her ears, reverberating through her mind. "That makes 'Cam'helin' sound short." He said with a lingering smile, eyes focused as he poured his magic into her wound. His next words held a teasing lilt.

"Personally, I prefer 'Polar Bear.'"

Kida's head snapped up in shock. " _What?_ "

"Polar Bear." He repeated simply, his smile growing. "I think it fits you. Icy, strong, fierce on the battlefield." Moss green eyes flicked up to meet hers. "Warm."

She snorted, rolling her eyes and doing her best to ignore the embarrassed heat creeping up her neck. "You are trying to flatter me, for what?"

"It's not flattery when it's true."

She scowled at him, not enjoying the fact that he had succeeded in flustering her twice within the span of ten minutes.

"Cam." She all but hissed in some weak version of retaliation.

"Yes?" He asked innocently, a not-so-innocent smile curving his lips. She groaned, dropping her head backwards, causing him to laugh. Well aware that the nickname failed spectacularly, she still didn't think it was necessary for him to _laugh._

Eyelids drooping, she glanced at her nearly healed wound. He had done a decent job of distracting her, she was able to ignore most of the tingling sensations, but now it was catching up with her. In an effort to stay awake a little longer, she focused on his face.

Brows pinched, Cam'helin didn't seem to notice her inspection, not that she particularly cared if he did. Ebony hair hung loosely to the side, having been messed out of his usual pulled back style from the fight. The strands gleamed in the light, shining like the night sky in winter. A single silver hoop decorated his left earlobe, obviously worn but nevertheless polished. She had just noticed a small beauty mark at the corner of his eyebrow when a wave of dizziness slammed into her, causing her to squeeze her eyes shut.

_'Shit.'_ Kida tried to keep herself steady as Cam'helin slowly pulled his hands back, the twisting of her gut staying despite the healing magic's absence.

"Breathe, Kida." He said soothingly, and her eyes opened upon feeling the back of his fingers press against her forehead. "I'm here."

Vision blurring before she could do anything but reach for him, the last thing she remembered was the feeling of an arm across her back and under her knees. The smell of fresh pine and mint.

* * *

When Kida awoke it was in a cold sweat, gasping as she jolted upright. Frantically she scanned her surroundings, not recognizing the mattress beneath her, nor the old wooden walls of what looked to be a cottage. She jumped when a chair scratched against the floor, frost crawling up her arms in preparation of attack as she twisted toward the noise. They crossed the room quicker than she could react, fingers closing around her icy wrists as they kneeled next to the bed.

"Kida, it's me, it's Cam'helin." His familiar voice filled her ears, as gentle as if he were speaking to a spooked animal. Concerned green eyes met panicked golden and she reached out, grasping his shoulder, fingers digging into the fabric of his shirt as her heart ran wild.

Trembling, she tried to slow her breathing into something calmer. She was vaguely aware of his cool hands encasing her free one, which she had clinched into a fist in her panic.

_'Focus, it's fine, it was not real.'_ The thought ran through her mind in a mantra until the ringing left her ears, a welcome silence following in its wake.

She hadn't looked away from Cam'helin since he grabbed her wrists, using his steady gaze to anchor herself. Once her breathing somewhat evened out and she realized the vice-like grip she had on his shoulder however, she pulled away from him as if he'd burned her. Tightly she wrapped her arms around her torso, turning her face to the side to avoid his worried expression.

"Nightmares?" He guessed after a moment, his voice quiet as if he feared to break the silence.

She almost didn't respond. Almost. Alas, she would've needed to be daft not to notice how he always managed to pull her into conversation.

"Yes." A simple response, perhaps he wouldn't continue to speak. It was a vain hope, she knew the man could talk an angry bear into a conversation and a cup of tea if he put his mind to it.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, silently moving to sit on the edge of the bed. Kida cast a quick glance at him, only to accidentally meet his eyes, green as deep forest moss and filled with concern.

"Are we in the cottage?" She asked, looking up and around. When she had first found it she hadn't had time to stay, only to check if it was abandoned. The interior was the same as before, aside from a few lit candles. It was small, yet cozy, appealing to those who wanted to live simply. Seeing the pale rays of moonlight through the glassless window, she realized just how long she'd been out. She turned back to him, "How did I get in here?"

"I carried you." He answered, his tone and expression showing that he was very aware of what she was trying to do, and had no intention of letting her. She leaned back when he reached out, only to freeze when he brushed the tips of his fingers over the back of her hand. Frost danced down her spine.

"You don't need to shut yourself in, Kida," he said softly, quickly continuing when her face twisted into a sneer. "I will not force you, but it's not healthy to do what you're doing. If you wish to talk, I will listen."

Swallowing harshly, she fought to hold his gaze, finding it more difficult than ever to see the concern there, the kindness. The _care_.

_'Why does he care?'_ She thought hotly, brows furrowing. _'What is there to care for? He does not know me.'_ The answer hit her like lightening to the chest.

He cared, not because he knew her, but because he wanted to.

When was the last time anyone wanted to learn about her for the simple pleasure of knowing her, without any ulterior motives? She didn't care to count the years. And while she had only known him for a few months, he'd been nothing but reliable, honest, helpful.

_'Perhaps I could. . .'_

Lowering her eyes to study the modest pattern on the collar of his shirt, she spoke quietly, barely above a murmur, "It is the same. Always the same."

"What do you dream of?" His words were as quiet as hers, expressive eyes shining with carefulness as he leaned toward her slightly.

"Failure." She said with far more steadiness than she felt. It wasn't a lie, nay, just an over-simplified version of the truth. She was willing to try and speak to him, but that was too much to explain at the moment.

Cam'helin didn't push, giving a small nod of understanding. "I am here if you need anything," he said, giving her a gentle smile.

Always gentle, soft, understanding. . . _'He won't push me away.'_

With that thought she pushed herself forward and, before she could change her mind, pressed her face into the curve of his shoulder.

Hesitation held him for a long moment, seeming unsure of what to do, and then she felt the cool pressure of his hand settle between her shoulder blades. She squeezed her eyes shut when his chin rested against her temple, hardly believing what she had dared to do.

And they stayed like that, neither of them caring how long, Kida basking in the consensual comfort that Cam'helin more than willingly gave.

Eventually she moved back, once she felt it was beginning to be awkward, though in any normal situation it was most likely far past that. Not quite prepared to look at him, she studied her sleeve, only to quickly realize that it wasn't _hers_. She didn't own any shirts with sleeves because of her metal arm, much less any that were so loose, and were those _frills?_

If she didn't know better, she would say the dark cloth was a sailor's shirt.

_'By everything holy, he gave me one of his shirts.'_ She thought, resisting the urge to rub her temples. At least that explained why everything around her smelled like fresh pine and mint. Raising her head, she met his gaze.

"Thank you," she said sincerely. For healing her and putting up with her delirious rambling, for the shirt, for everything he had done.

"Of course."

Cam'helin's expression was by far the gentlest she'd seen from him, which was a feat in her opinion. Wearing a smile that would make old women cry, he slipped his hand under hers, squeezing her fingers.

Kida stared at him, taking in the way his straight hair lay against his neck, the slight crooked quirk his lips took when he smiled. The high collared, form fitting shirt he wore that accented his lean build, showing off the corded muscle along his arms.

"What is it?" He asked softly, tilting his head a fraction to the side, as he always did when he was curious.

"You have, uh. . ." She trailed off, eyes flicking back up to his face. She wanted to compliment him, to say something nice. He was somehow always finding things about her to praise, and she had plenty to pick from, so why wasn't her mind cooperating? _'Say something, damn it!'_

"You have nice ears." She blurted, heat blooming across her cheekbones. It wasn't inaccurate, he did have very nice ears, but that was the farthest thing from what she'd planned to say. _'Strike me down now.'_

Cam'helin smiled, dimples showing in all their glory, catching her off guard once again. A dark red spread over his cheeks, the color reaching the tips of his ears.

"Thank you!" He said, an odd pitch to his tone, looking completely startled but very pleased. Bringing a hand up, he fiddled with his silver hoop. "I always thought they were too small, but it is nice to know you like them."

"Yes, they fit your face." Kida said with a shake of her head, a breathy laugh passing her lips before she could stop it. It only caused his smile to widen.

As if granting her mercy from the awkward situation, Kida's stomach chose that time to growl loudly. With a laugh Cam'helin released her hand and moved to stand, still slightly flushed. "I'll fetch you something to eat," he said, expression alight with mirth. "Healing spells take a lot out of people, and you fainted before you could eat."

Kida huffed in indignation as he walked away, but she couldn't stop herself from smiling.


	4. Normalcy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Month 2 and a half, two days after chapter three.

The loud ruckus of the inn was surprising, considering how small the town was. Then again, it was the first time she had been there, so as far as she knew the place could have been a simple brick in the road for most of the people there, as it was for her. Being as crowded as it was, she'd had to leave Halani on the outskirts of the town, something that had irked the animal. She wasn't any happier with the compromise either but alas, people become afraid when a giant wolf walked into populated spaces.

Kida stood at the bar next to Fenris, watching with a smirk as Yeros once again beat another man at arm wrestling. Despite her lanky and somewhat thin build, the spitfire was tall and looked as though she was nothing but muscle. Kida didn't understand what made the men keep coming, but as she watched the disbelief and astonishment cross their faces, it became apparent that they simply couldn't comprehend how she was winning.

_'I cannot blame them,'_ she thought as Yeros laughed after once again slamming some poor fool's hand onto the table. _'She is taking them back to back and shows no sign of tiring.'_ Raising her drink, she huffed in amusement. _'Yeros is young however, not yet twenty-one. A shame that she is at the center of this mess.'_ Her mirth dimmed at that, replaced with sympathy. Even she hadn't been that young when she joined the Inquisition.

A chorus of loud, rough laughs pulled her attention away from the spitfire. Turning toward the noise Kida was unsurprised to see Cam'helin, sitting with a group of what appeared to be Rivaini sailor's. He was laughing, looking strangely as though he could blend right in with them, had he not had a more. . . refined appearance. She didn't wish to insult the seamen, but the elf was certainly cleaner.

When they had walked into the inn and he'd seen the group of sailors, he seemed adamant on speaking with them. He didn't explain to her why, but then she hadn't needed him to, simply letting him go on his merry way.

As she watched his smile and the occasional gesture of his hands, no doubt telling some tale that she hadn't heard, her lips began to curve up in pleasure. Absently she fingered the sleeve of her shirt, well, his shirt really, she'd yet to buy a new one. She found no need to, as this one fit decently enough and she had more important things to spend her coin on.

That night at the cottage was a turning point for them, and though it'd only been a couple of days, she had yet to regret it. She wasn't ready to spill her darkest secrets and scars, nor was she willing to share touch at any given time. An awkward hug and a healing session hadn't brought them that close. But if anyone asked, she would call him a friend and say that she trusted him without hesitation.

It was. . . nice, to be able to turn to someone she traveled with and feel fond, to know that she could rely on them. There was Yeros as well of course, but the young woman was fiery, unpredictable, and if Kida's suspicions were correct, very much confused. They didn't speak as often as she and Cam'helin, Yeros seemingly not wanting to get attached, and she understood. In the past, Kida would've wanted to sit down and try to talk the spitfire through whatever twisted her thoughts, but not now. Not when she knew she wouldn't be any help, lacking the patience and the clear thoughts needed to help someone gain their own.

But Cam'helin. . . he was steady, a solid pillar in the wake of a raging world. He was kind, compassionate, never faltering when she needed him. A reliable man who knew who he was, and someone she was pleased to call a friend.

Kida's train of thought was derailed when the stool next to her squeaked, causing her to look away from the rowdy bunch in time to see Yeros slump next to her. She was flushed, a rare easy smile stretched across her face as she met Kida's gaze, silver eyes victorious. The woman had a temper, it showed in her near constant challenging expression and the scars that littered her warm beige skin, but it was impossible not to notice her beauty. It was in her crooked grin that said she wasn't afraid of trouble, in her confident posture that dared anyone to call her 'knife-ear,' in her eyes that held so much fire they practically glowed, and in the charming way her short silver hair always pointed every which way. It was a chaotic beauty, the kind that screamed trouble, but it was beauty nonetheless.

_'Similar to a storm at sea,'_ Kida decided as Yeros briefly jingled a gold pouch in front of her face, tucking it securely away before anyone else could see. It took her a second to realize she must have wanted some type of approval.

"Well done, you successfully wiped the floor with numerous men twice your size." Kida said with a smirk, raising her drink in mock toast, earning a laugh from the spitfire.

"The only one I really want to arm wrestle won't do it!" Yeros called over the noise of the patrons, loud enough for Fenris to here. Glancing behind her Kida saw the elf look toward them, expression bored as he took a drink of his wine. When he made no effort to respond she continued, attempting to provoke him, "Afraid I'll take your coin too?"

That earned a snort from him, "I simply don't want to wound your pride. You have a lot of it."

Yeros straightened in her seat, looking as though he'd just said he wanted to start a bar fight. Which is to say, she looked very excited. Kida held back a groan, not wishing to draw attention to herself but well aware that it was up to her to distract the spitfire. But as she sat down her mug and moved to stand, the sound of a drum beat starting up drew all three of their gazes.

Golden eyes immediately landed on the sailors, specifically one, who held an upside-down bucket as she stood on the bench, one foot on the table. The beat she hit against it was simply enough, yet it somehow made the group rowdier than before.

Her lips parted in surprise when she saw Cam'helin stand from among them, smiling wide enough to show his dimples, green eyes alight with excitement. Her surprise turned into bafflement when he stepped onto the table, reaching out to pull another sailor up with him as the rest began to _sing._

_What will we do with a drunken sailor?_

_What will we do with a drunken sailor?_

_What will we do with a drunken sailor?_

_Early in the morning!_

Kida stood frozen as she watched Cam'helin dance on the table with his impromptu partner, looking more carefree than she had ever seen. His hair flared out as he twisted, leading the sailor as they spun across the wooden table that, by the way it rocked, was most definitely not made for their actions.

_Way hay and up she rises_

_Way hay and up she rises_

_Way hay and up she rises_

_Early in the morning!_

Letting go of the sailor's hands Cam'helin turned toward the edge of the table, flipping forward off of it and landing on his feet as though he'd done it a thousand times. Wasting no time he strode toward the three of them, and fearing what he planned to do, Kida stepped back until the counter dug into her back. He merely shot her a smile however, reaching out and snatching Yeros' wrist, pulling her into a dance before she could react. The spitfire didn't protest, laughing as he led her through fast spins and what appeared to be a great deal of improvised footwork.

_Shave his belly with a rusty razor_

_Shave his belly with a rusty razor_

_Shave his belly with a rusty razor_

_Early in the morning!_

A smile worked its way across Kida's lips as she watched them, followed by a short laugh when Yeros very obviously stepped on Cam'helin's foot. Aside from a wince he didn't falter, but she noticed how he put a bit more distance between them, and his small form of payback came in the guise of a sudden, ridiculously low dip. By the young woman's expression however, she only found the move extremely fun.

_Put him in a longboat till he is sober_

_Put him in a longboat till he is sober_

_Put him in a longboat till he is sober_

_Early in the morning!_

By now the other patrons had begun to join in, though most chose to watch Cam'helin, and truthfully she couldn't blame them. He may have been a force to see on the battlefield, but he was just as eye-catching when he danced. Kida had seen quite a few dancers in her time, from those in her clan to the balls in Orlais, but none held the same aura as the man in front of her. While the others had worked to follow a step sequence, he went with the flow of the music, twirling across the floor with the feel of the rhythm as his guide.

_Way hay and up she rises_

_Way hay and up she rises_

_Way hay and up she rises_

_Early in the morning!_

Kida had given up trying not to smile, grinning openly as she watched the two elves. By then she'd seen him smile plenty of times, sometimes at things that weren't usually smiled about, but this. . . this was a glowing happiness, something only brought on by pure joy. As she watched him dip Yeros again, dimples flashing as he laughed, she decided that she rather liked his smile.

Her grin faltered slightly when the two suddenly broke apart, both weaving back toward the bar, and she began to hope that her assumption of their next actions were false.

Alas that hope was in vain, as Cam'helin stopped right in front of her and held out his hand, expression bright and warm as the summer sun. Immediately she leaned back, her face succumbing to panic as she held up her hands in a warding gesture. It had been years since she danced, and while she loved to, she didn't wish to fall on her face in front of the entire inn.

"I do not think-" Her protest was cut off by Yeros' palm pressing against her back, shoving her forward and into Cam'helin's arms. She didn't have a chance to glare at the spitfire, as he quickly took her hands and pulled her out toward the middle of the floor, Yeros' laugh ringing loudly behind her.

"Cam'helin, this is not a good idea!" She all but hissed, ready to yank herself away from him, only to freeze when she felt his fingers softly caress the palms of her hands.

"Breathe." He said with a warm smile, eyes gentle as he tugged her closer until his chest brushed hers. "I won't let you fall."

And then they were off, all twisting and spinning and improvised footwork.

True to his word, he didn't let her fall. She only stumbled once, but he'd covered it up so well it looked as though it was part of their dance. With fluid grace he led them across the floor, and before long she was able to match his steps, easing back into dancing as smoothly as drawing on her magic. They moved in sync, neither hesitating when he lifted her in a surprise throw, Kida doing a single twist, and caught her with steady hands.

The cheering of their patchwork crowd faded until it was only the two of them and the song, and soon they were laughing. Joyous and free, they held eye contact as he dipped her down, only to quickly snap her up as the song came to an abrupt end.

For a moment they stayed like that, breathing heavily, chests pressed together, grinning as if they were a couple of fools. When the cheering began to ring in Kida's ears however, she took a step back, face flushed in exhilaration as her eyes flickered over Cam'helin.

"How did you manage to talk those sailors into singing?" She asked, deciding to start with her most ardent question.

He laughed, glancing back at said men and raising a hand in farewell. "Those aren't sailors, Kida, they are pirates." He said as they moved through the dispersing crowd toward the bar. Meeting her surprised quirk of an eyebrow with a smile, he continued, "As for your question, I used to sail with them."

"You? A pirate?" She snorted, giving him an amused look as she leaned her hip against the counter upon reaching it.

"You don't believe me?" He asked, expression pulling into such a horrid version of false hurt that she nearly laughed. She had never seen someone so easy to read, so awful at hiding their true feelings.

Seemingly delighted at her near reaction, he reached up and ran his thumb over his earring. "Where do you think I got this?"

Kida crossed her arms, giving him a daring look. "Prove it then."

Quirking a brow he leaned back, cocking his hip and placing his hand on the tapering curve of his waist. Raising his chin slightly, he gave her a roguish little smile and, despite its foreignness to her, it was all very _Cam'helin_. The messed hair, the light sheen of sweat on his skin. At least a younger version of him, and she had no doubt in her mind that he'd made many women swoon with such a look.

Raising a hand, she gave him a smirk, "Very well, I believe you now."

Immediately his posture relaxed back into his normal stance, spine straight yet not so much that he looked as though he thought himself superior.

"I was only a pirate for a couple of years, I learned quickly that that life wasn't for me." He explained, picking up her mug and taking a peek at its contents. She watched him through narrowing eyes. "The captain, crew and I parted on good terms however, so it was nice to see them again."

"You are far too kind to be a pirate," Kida said honestly, watching as he paused in his assessment of her drink to look up in surprise. Before he could try to tease her about her choice of words, she quickly continued, "Far too kind to steal my drink."

His green eyes narrowed playfully as he brought it closer to his mouth. "Are you certain about that?" He asked, obviously enjoying himself. Before she could do more than straighten her stance, he tilted the mug back, taking a long gulp of it.

Almost immediately he lowered it, somehow managing to look both bewildered and incredibly amused. Leaning toward her, he held the drink out, "Is this _milk?_ "

A hand landed on Cam'helin's shoulder, and she silently thanked whoever saved her from explaining that, yes, it was indeed milk.

"It seems Giggles here has a talent for the art of dancing!" Yeros laughed, stepping up beside them and taking Kida's mug from his hand, replacing it with a fresh drink. Silently Yeros gave her back her drink, keeping her gaze on Cam'helin as she continued with a grin, "I didn't know you had it in you."

"Alright, I have to draw the line there." He said, sitting his mug on the counter. "Pretty Boy I can deal with, but _Giggles_?"

His face pulled a soft chuckle from Kida. He didn't look like he was drawing upon anything but his best pleading expression which, to be fair, was very convincing.

"Fine then, Twinkle Toes is your new one." Yeros sneered, looking far too pleased with herself.

Kida smiled as she watched them bicker, then took a glance around, lips curving further when she saw Fenris in his same seat. He returned her smile with one of his own rare ones and held up a pouch she recognized as the one Yeros carried. That pulled a laugh from her and she raised her drink in a toast to his victory, causing him to do the same.

Drinking deeply, she closed her eyes, feeling far happier than she had in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is Drunken Sailor by Irish Rovers.


	5. A Courtly Reveal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Month 6.

For the fifth time in the last ten minutes, Kida adjusted her skirts. Her brow was pinched, expression pulled into a scowl as she tried to straighten her gown. She never liked these types of clothing, they were bulky, hindering her movement and preventing her from doing anything more than walking across the floor. The shoes however, were somehow much worse. What did Dorian call them? Heels? She didn't care, she just wanted them off.

Her dear friend was the main reason she was in this monstrosity, having been absolutely appalled when she told him she would wear her nicest armor to his ball.

_"You may have gotten away with that at Halamshiral,"_ He'd fussed, already turning her toward the dressing room. _"But in Tevinter? By the time it's over you won't be able to get anyone to help with your cause."_

So here she was, waiting patiently at the entrance doors for the host, hoping that everything went smoothly enough that she would be able to leave early. Ball's had always been exhausting for her, the dancing, the small talk, the aura and posture she needed to maintain, and that said nothing of the backstabbing. The Game was different in Tevinter, of that she had no doubt, but she held no love for any of it.

Despite her distaste for wearing it, the gown was lovely. Flowing down her body to flare at her feet, it hugged her form, the dark black silk accented with bright gold and what looked reminiscent to diamonds. It was sleeveless, long ribbons trailing from somewhere around her shoulder, exposing her prosthetic in all its glory. Her silver arm somehow didn't clash with the dress, though it did make the metal stand out, not that she particularly minded. While, if given the chance, she would prefer to have her flesh hand back, she held no feelings of shame for her replacement.

Catching her reflection in a nearby mirror, she did a double take.

Aside from picking out her dress, Dorian had also insisted on doing her hair and cosmetics. He hadn't let her see it before, wanting it to be a surprise, and it was very much a surprise.

The kohl that outlined her eyes was light, yet it still caused her already noticable eyes to stand out more. A faint red painted her lips, contrasting with the alabaster tone of her skin. Followed by the dark eyeshadow dusted on with golden glitter, also light, she looked like the courts version of dangerous beauty. As for her hair, she was pleased to see it pulled up into an array of thick braids held in a bun at the back of her skull, loose strands framing her bold features. Her pointed ears stood proudly on display, showing off her pride in her heritage, as well as her multiple piercings, all of which was enough to cause a small scandal.

Kida mentally made a note to thank Dorian once everything was done and finished. Not only was this ball being thrown for hers and the Inquisition's benefit, he had made her look presentable to the Tevinter court while also making it a point to keep her appearance something that represented her as a person.

He was truly a man of many talents.

The sound of heeled boots against polished floor echoed from behind her, causing her to turn in time to see Dorian Pavus round a corner, looking as handsome as he always did.

"Sorry to have kept you waiting," he said, smiling once he caught sight of her. " _Someone_ didn't like what I did to his hair and spent much longer than necessary fussing about it."

"Coming from you, that sounds like it was a nightmare." Kida remarked, her lips quirking up when he wrinkled his nose.

"Oh, indeed."

"I got my way in the end," Cam'helin's voice sounded from around the corner, triumph coating his words.

"Don't get smug." Dorian called back, turning as the elf stepped into view. "You only got your way because you turned on that charm of yours."

Kida didn't process Cam'helin's response, lips parting in surprise as he strode toward them. He smiled upon meeting her gaze, steps faltering slightly when he saw her gown, and her mind went blank.

She had only ever seen him in his armor and casual wear, never considering how he would look in formal clothing. A mistake on her part. If she had perhaps she could have prepared herself, though the longer she stared at him the more she realized no amount of preparation would have helped.

The robes he wore were black accented with dark green and silver, silk and leather, sheer lace sleeves wrapping down his arms and in-between his fingers. An intricate design of what looked like swirling frost decorated the bottom half of the robe, dancing across the legs of his fitted trousers. The collar only dipped low enough to expose part of his collarbones, but it was enough to accent his throat and chest, which was definitely the intention. Knee-high boots, the heels slightly higher than what was recommended on the field, clicked against the floor as he came to a stop in front of her.

_'Oh.'_

His ebony hair was pulled back into a tail, two thin braids lining the sides of his head and holding it in place. Kohl made his moss green eyes cat-like, accenting his already sharp cheekbones, and aside from Dorian, she had never seen anyone who could wear it so well.

_'_ Oh _.'_

How had she not noticed he was nearly a head taller than her? That she needed to tilt her head back slightly to meet his eyes? How did she miss the straightness of his nose, the strong set of his jaw, the silent power in the set of his shoulders? His thin waist, body lithe but holding more muscle than one expected of a mage.

Cam'helin was an absolutely stunning man, and that knowledge hit her in the chest so suddenly that the air left her lungs.

And he was staring at her, by all things holy, he was staring at her struck expression and she couldn't bring herself to care.

"You look absolutely stunning, Kida." The smile he gave her was dazzling, dimples flashing, his eyes shining like rich emeralds as he said the words. He made no effort to hide the awestruck expression he wore, which made it even harder for Kida to remember how to breathe. When he held out a hand she instinctively took it, sliding her fingers across his palm without a second thought. Her heart thudded heavily in her chest as he bent his head, pressing cool lips against the back of her hand.

Feeling frost begin to crawl along the curve of her spine, she breathed in deeply in attempt to compose herself.

"You look rather fetching yourself, Cam'helin." She said with what she hoped was a steady voice, nearly choking on his name. Her words felt sour in her mouth, not believing they did him justice.

His smile softened, dark red spreading over his cheeks to the tips of his ears, and an unfamiliar heat warmed her.

A throat clearing beside them caused him to snap his head toward the noise and her to tense, turning to see Dorian watching them with barely concealed curiosity. It was only then that it dawned on her the position she was in: standing less than two feet away from Cam'helin and letting him hold her hand.

_'What am I doing?'_ She thought, bewildered, immediately pulling back and putting some space between them.

What _was_ she doing? She recognized the feelings raging through her, the ache in her heart, the deep urge to run her fingers over his skin. Yes, she knew them well, intimately, and yet that made them even more terrifying. The entirety of her life she had only felt them for one person, and it still hurt when she thought of the way he left. She hadn't believed she would be able to feel those emotions again. . . and for someone else, no less.

Flexing her jaw she straightened her stance, doing her best to banish her swirling thoughts and unwanted feelings. Despite her efforts however, they didn't dim in the slightest.

"Shall we go?" Kida asked, carefully avoiding Cam'helin's curious gaze, and raised her chin in defiance when Dorian quirked a brow. She was well aware that her dear friend knew what she was attempting, but he seemed to understand that whatever was on her mind wasn't something she would take being teased about lightly.

"Let us go then," he chimed in that bright way of his, extending his arm toward the entrance doors.

She stepped up to join him, feeling Cam'helin's presence on her other side as they waited. Standing in-between the two men, she closed her eyes briefly. Breathing in deeply she prepared herself for the stares, the whispers of secret plots that every court held, but most of all she tried to calm her thudding heart. Something that was most definitely caused by the feeling of Cam'helin's bicep brushing hers.

When the doors finally opened she hooked her arms into both Cam'helin's and Dorian's, sliding her stoic mask into place as they crossed the entrance.

While the music kept playing and conversation continued, Kida felt her skin crawl with unseen stares. Murmurs echoed in her ears, but she dared not look around, keeping her eyes trained in front of her as she focused on trying not to fall in her heels. She twitched when she felt a cool hand cover her own and squeeze, fighting back the feeling of frost creeping up her neck. Glancing to the side, she quirked a brow in surprise when she saw Cam'helin's expression.

It was obvious that he was continuously working to keep his face in an impassive mask, but whether or not he was succeeding was up for debate. His eyes expressed his discomfort with being scrutinized by so many people, but there was also a great deal of confliction there, and somehow she felt it had nothing to do with the setting.

She'd been worried about how he would handle attending the ball, as the man had no talent for lying neither did he possess anything close to an impassive mask. She had offered to let him stay behind, with the logic that the Game was no place for someone so expressive, but he'd had none of it, stating that he wasn't about to let her walk into a den of vipers without him. While she appreciated his words she still worried, and for good reason it seemed.

Wanting to distract him in some way but not wishing to draw unwanted attention, Kida settled for squeezing his forearm. Immediately he eyes flicked down to meet hers, curiosity and confusion mingling together as his head tilted a fraction. Giving him the barest hint of a smile she slid her thumb over his arm in some small form of comfort, suppressing a shiver when his grip on her hand tightened. It was easy to see the gratitude shining in his eyes, but that dark shadow of confliction and doubt still lingered like an unwelcome rain cloud.

Before she could do anything other than briefly worry they came to a stop, and upon glancing around, she recognized the area as the dance floor.

It was expansive, the chandelier above reflecting on the polished floor. There were a few people dancing, though she couldn't help but notice how they stayed close to the edges, avoiding the center. Directly across from where they stood she caught sight of a head of silver hair, causing her to raise a brow in surprise. She would recognize Yeros anywhere, the young woman had a rather singular appearance, even when in formal dress.

It appeared that she had rejected the option of a gown for the occasion, instead wearing something similar in style to what Cam'helin wore. Only instead of black and green, it varied in shades of silver and dark grey, her bare arms contributing to the intimidating air it gave her. She had somehow managed to smooth her wild hair down into something presentable, but it appeared that she'd missed the way it spiked out in rebellion at the back. Or perhaps she had done that on purpose. Whatever the case, Yeros seemed to be in a very sour mood, posture slumped to the side as she slowly scanned the crowd with intent.

Releasing her arm but keeping hold of her metal hand, Dorian moved to stand in front of her, cutting off her assessment of the spitfire. His grey eyes were warm with affection yet somehow filled with humor.

"Everyone expects a dance between the host and the Inquisitor," he said, tone playfully exasperated.

In an attempt to distract herself she decided to humor the man, letting out a short huff of exhaustion. "Do they now?"

He hummed, "Afraid so." He leaned forward, and with a growing smile whispered, "Shall we give them what they want?"

"I _do_ need to make a good impression," she said with a wry quirk of her lips.

Turning her gaze to Cam'helin, she was surprised to find him already watching her. He blinked upon meeting her eyes, quickly giving her a warm smile, but she still caught the fond expression he'd been wearing. Gently he unwound her arm from his, his hold on her hand lingering a moment too long before he released it.

"Dance with him," he spoke softly, clasping his hands behind him. "I'll be here."

Not knowing what to say in response, Kida stiffly nodded, eyes studying his face for a moment longer as Dorian pulled her out onto the floor. The musicians nearby waited until they stood in the center before playing the beginning notes, and as Dorian led her through the first steps, she saw Yeros disappear into a shadowed door.

"You're distracted tonight." Her dance partner stated in a low tone, throwing a glance over her shoulder. "What's on your mind?"

"A great deal." She responded, focusing on her steps and trying to remember the brief lesson he had given her in her rooms. Trying to ignore the knowing undertone his voice carried. "I just saw Yeros leave through a closed off area, I did not think she would come to something like this."

"You know what her reasons for being here are," he twirled her out in a spin, continuing when he pulled her in. "That's not what's bothering you, is it?"

Kida could lie to many people without hesitation, and those she couldn't she simply shut out. But Dorian was someone who always knew whenever false words passed her lips, and she wasn't in a position to close herself off. Truthfully, she didn't want to. Perhaps it was all the time she had spent in a certain open elf's company, but she needed someone to speak to about her twisting thoughts and the doubt that echoed in her mind. Who better than her oldest friend?

"No, it is not."

Well. No one said opening up was going to be easy when you'd spent the past year shutting people out. Swallowing, not enjoying the way her mind spun when she let herself focus on her problem, she tried again, "Cam'helin, he. . ."

"Ah. That's what I thought." He met her eyes, studying the confliction there, the fear. "You've grown to care for him."

Frost spiraled down her flesh arm before she could stop it, emotions wreaking havoc in her chest. She'd already realized, but it was different to hear someone else say it, it made it more real.

"You're frightened?" He asked, trying to understand, to get her to continue. His acknowledgment of it made her resolve crack, her grip tightening on his shoulder.

"I am _terrified._ " She all but hissed, face contorting into something akin to heartbreak. "I've never cared for anyone other than Solas, Dorian! I still have not recovered fully from that."

By instinct Kida glanced around at the people in the room, eyes settling on the cause of her spastic mental fumbling. Cam'helin stood to himself, watching them glide across the floor with an expression she could only guess at, not being able to properly see it from where she was. But if the glimpse she caught was correct, it looked to be bittersweet longing.

"That man hurt you far more than you ever should have been," Dorian said, anger lacing his tone as he squeezed her hand in comfort. "I understand that you loved him, but do you still? Would it be so wrong to at least try to move on? To let someone else help you recover?"

She didn't answer for a moment, a bout of shakiness overtaking her as she glared at his chest. When she did finally meet his gaze, her eyes were glassy.

"Can I?" She asked, voice cracking halfway through. His brows furrowed, sympathy clear on his face, but she continued. "Can I move on from that? It broke me, Dorian, what if it happens again? I do not know if I could handle it a second time."

"I believe you can," he responded gently, confidence evident in his tone. "And Cam'helin is far too nice of a man to hurt you like that." Seeing her lips twist in doubt, he quickly continued, "Do you know why he didn't like what I did with his hair? The first thing he said was, 'Kida won't like this.' The man wouldn't stop talking about you, it would have been annoying if he wasn't so earnest."

Her silence and set jaw was the only thing that met his words, yet he seemed to know exactly what was on her mind.

"If you're worried about him not returning your feelings," he said, glancing toward the place where the elf stood, a small smirk curving his lips. "By the way he's been staring at us I don't think you have anything to worry about."

Kida didn't understand that. Why would anyone want to be close to her, to care for her? She was aware of her faults, knew that she wasn't a very pleasant person to be around. She was closed off, rude, couldn't stand to be in crowded areas, ice crawled along her body when her emotions were loose. Why would anyone with a hair of common sense want her?

"You seem happier around him as well," Dorian continued, unaware of her self deprecating thoughts, and upon meeting his eyes she saw the pride there. The happiness for her. "I haven't seen you smile so much in five years."

With one last spin their dance ended and he brought her hand to his lips, placing the mandatory kiss there. After dipping in a curtsy that was slightly unbalanced, she raised her head, surprise flickering across her features when she saw the figure striding toward them over Dorian's shoulder. Her breath hitched when steady green eyes met hers.

"May I have the next dance?" Cam'helin asked softly once he stood at their side, glancing between them before settling his gaze on Kida, a gentle smile curving his lips as he tilted his head in question.

Dorian was right about her being happier, she knew, and she also knew that Cam'helin was the cause. Cam'helin, who smiled, who touched, who freely showed everything he felt. He never for one moment let her stew in her silence and self loathing that had come upon her after learning the truth of everything. Taking her hands, he'd pulled her out of that safe little bubble she had made and showed her that she could still enjoy herself, that she could still _live_ , despite everything.

Over the past six months he had shown her that she could trust again, and she'd only now realized that she had fallen for him in the process.

At that moment she didn't care about the fact that dancing with him would tarnish her reputation with the people around them, didn't care that he might not return what she felt for him. All she wanted was to waltz across the floor in his arms.

She looked at Dorian, who wore a questioning expression, and gave him a nod. With a brief but warm smile he stepped back, inclining his head to Cam'helin as he began to walk off of the floor.

Sliding her hand into his offered one, focusing on keeping her breathing steady, Kida allowed him to pull her closer. Pink creeped along her cheekbones when his cool palm pressed against the side of her waist, eyes flicking up when a soft chuckle passed his lips.

"I did not think this through," he admitted, looking from the musicians to her, his nervousness evident. "I wished to dance with you, but I didn't take into account that I've never danced in a ballroom."

"Feel the music then," Kida blurted in an effort not to read into what he'd just said, deciding it would be best if she didn't. "Like you did at the inn."

Surprise flitted across his face, hand tightening around hers as he gave her a flattered smile. "You noticed that?"

"I-" It dawned on her how strange it must have been for her to remember. Four months had passed since he'd talked a group of pirates into singing, four months since they last danced together. Her words only made her inadvertently admit that she had been paying close enough attention to him to notice.

"It is not that hard." She said instead of answering, glaring at his chest. "I will lead if I have to."

Cam'helin chuckled, posture snapping to attention when the musicians began the next song. Upon hearing the beginning of what was no doubt a fast-paced rhythm he smiled brightly, eyes alight with excitement.

"Of course, I don't doubt that." He said, tightening his hold on her waist, pulling her closer until her chest brushed his. "But I can work with this."

Kida didn't have time to answer before he led them into the first steps, which were most likely not the correct step sequence. But once the sound of a woman singing reached her ears and the beat began to increase in speed, she found herself focused only on the feel of their movements.

Cam'helin kept her close, hands sure in their hold as he swept them across the floor. She could only follow after him, lean with him, the skirt of her gown flaring when he twirled her out into a spin, quickly pulling her back in. His eyes burned with a fire she hadn't seen until now, more intense than the steel expression he wore in battle, and that's all it took for her to accept it.

She cared for him. She cared for him and blast it all, she had never wanted to kiss someone more than she did in that moment.

A different kind of heat flowed through her as he dipped her backward, the tip of his nose brushing along the hollow of her throat, his breath hot against the sensitive flesh. A sheen of sweat had begun to cover their exposed skin, but neither the music nor the two of them showed any sign of slowing down. Slipping both hands down to grab her hips, she instinctively hooked a leg around his waist when he lifted her, bracing her hands on his shoulders as he spun them around. Their eyes never strayed from each other, similar to the last time they danced together. Unlike the last time however, there were no smiles or laughs exchanged, no mirth-filled eyes or fumbled steps.

This was fire, bright and burning and downright _sinsual._

They stopped as abruptly as the music did, breathing heavily with their foreheads touching. Chests pressed together, her right leg hooked around his hip with his fingers curled under the curve of her knee, their gaze held. While one of her hands found itself gripping his shoulder, the other cupped his neck, fingertips brushing the line of his jaw as his pulse hammered against her palm. One of his legs had settled between hers, and she bit her lip upon realizing that she was nestled quite firmly against the curve of his thigh, a shiver traveling up her spine that had nothing to do with her magic.

It wasn't until the sound of modest applause began to echo around the room did she remember where they were. With a quick glance at her surroundings, at the people watching them, Kida moved to untangle herself from Cam'helin. She couldn't hide the reluctance in her movements, and by the way his hand lingered on her waist, it seemed he didn't want to release her either.

Smoothing her hands over the front of her gown in an attempt to distract herself from the heat she still felt, she glanced up at Cam'helin. Whatever small amount of progress she'd made in calming her emotions was derailed at the sight of his expression. The man was flushed, lips parted as he panted, green eyes dark and half-lidded as he took in her flustered appearance. She visibly shivered under his gaze, stance straightening and eyes widening when he bit his lip.

_'I need air. Fresh air.'_ She decided, bending her knees in a hasty curtsy before she all but flew across the ballroom in search of a balcony.

Thankfully there was one fairly close and it was blessedly empty. It was by far the most luck she'd had all evening, and she wasted no time in bracing her hands against the railing, trying to even out her breathing.

Kida wasn't used to this, any of it. She had cared for someone in the past, had felt warm and shaky, but this was different. Before it had been calm and quiet. This was fiery, consuming her thoughts until all that she could picture was Cam'helin.

It frightened her, not because she felt unsafe, but because the last time it had failed. On top of it all, she knew that she had still not fully recovered from it.

Yet with Cam'helin. . . she wanted to try. No one else had ever made her look twice.

"Kida?"

She twisted around, eyes wide as she watched the man who had muddled her thoughts and feelings so thoroughly walk toward her. He seemed to have managed to remotely compose himself, the dark flush was mostly gone from his skin and he no longer looked as though he was about to act on pure instinct. In fact, he seemed concerned.

"Are you. . ." He trailed off as he came to stand in front of her, gaze searching. She quirked a brow, having never seem him hesitant to say something. "Alright?" He finally settled, clasping his hands behind his back.

She held back a snort. Her emotions were running higher than they had in years, she was conflicted about her newfound feelings, and the cause of it all was standing in front of her asking if she was well. Truthfully, the only thing she wished to do at that moment was run her fingers through his ebony hair and seal her body against his.

"I am fine." She lied, shifting to rest her weight on the stone railing behind her. Her breath hitched when he stepped closer to stand next to her, his gaze sliding up to the stars above.

"You're lying." He said warmly, a small smile playing on his lips, causing her to narrow her eyes.

_'Blast it all, he knows my signs.'_ She mentally swore, struggling to keep her features impassive when he looked at her. The struggle lasted all of two seconds, her lips parting as heat crawled up her neck.

She'd only seen that expression a couple of times before, that warm confidence and little smile that would make any woman weak in the knees, and quite a few men. Eyes playfully narrowed, he leaned toward her.

"Are you still trying to shut me out?" He asked, voice barely above a whisper.

If it wasn't for the serious undertone of his expression and the fact that he'd never done this, Kida would say that he was teasing her. But despite some part of her resisting, she sincerely hoped he wasn't. She didn't want him to be, didn't want to fight emotions that she usually faced head-on.

"I-" She snapped her mouth shut when her voice cracked, heart thudding heavily in her chest when she felt his fingertips brush her jaw.

He seemed hesitant at first, but it quickly faded when she didn't pull away. Hand moving to cup her neck, he took a step closer, body pressing lightly against hers as he studied her face. Heat curled down her spine, causing her to slowly reach up and grip the front of his robes, hands slightly shaking.

"Kida. . ." Cam'helin breathed, eyes darkening as he leaned down. She could smell him now, fresh pine and mint mingling with the scent of winter, setting her senses alight with anticipation. Her breathing hitched when the tip of his nose brushed hers, tilting her head slightly to the side, waiting for him to make the final move.

They stayed in that position for what felt like hours, though it was only a few moments, before he took a deep breath, previously half-lidded eyes widening as if he had just realized the situation. Immediately he pulled back as though he'd been burned, expression showing a mix of pain, longing, and the doubt and confliction she had seen earlier.

"I'm sorry, I should not have-" He stepped back, nearly tripping in his haste, panic joining the storm of emotions on his face when he saw the confused look she gave him. Spinning on his heel, he all but ran toward the doors, disappearing around the corner with naught but the whisper of his robes.

Kida felt cold. The deep chill of rejection settled on her shoulders, causing her to slump, bringing a hand up to her mouth. Her eyes burned and she gasped, tears flooding her vision, rolling down her face before she could try to stop them.

She knew. She knew and still she let her hopes rise. Why would someone like Cam'helin, kind, compassionate, warm, want someone like her? Broken, battered, she tasted of war and heartache, ice and unspoken tragedy. Why did she even think it was possible? Her heart was scarred, she didn't even know if she could love again.

She was broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Kida and Cam'helin dance to is Ainsi Bas La Vida by Indila.


	6. With Bated Breath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Month 6, two days after chapter five.

The walk through the forest was silent, a heavy quiet that Kida wasn't used to since Cam'helin had begun traveling with her. Two days after the ball and they hadn't spoken more than three sentences to each other outside of relaying information about the proceedings of their mission. She had not protested when he joined her in leaving the city, because regardless if their personal situation, she was still in need of his help.

He'd not tried to start conversations like he did in the past, but she could feel how often he looked at her, sometimes catching his expression of worry and hesitance. But no matter how dejected the man looked she refused to speak first, keeping her eyes stubbornly trained in front of her, ignoring the spikes of pain digging into her chest.

Halani had noticed the tension and had been doing his best to dissuade it, but upon realizing his efforts were futile, simply huffed and shook his head. He spent his time gravitating between the two, licking hands and rubbing his face on their legs. When he wasn't trying to cheer them up he was stalking through the underbrush, playing watchdog, silently circling them in search of any incoming danger.

It was midday when they finally reached a break in the thick forest. A seemingly deep stream, the water as clear as the finest crystal, created a respite for the dirty and tired. Kida held in a sigh of relief at the sight. She had taken a tumble over the side of a short cliff not long ago, courtesy of paying too much attention to the way a certain elf's backside looked when he walked and not enough to where she was putting her feet. While nothing had been hurt, other than her bruised pride, the fall had effectively smeared her with dirt.

"We will rest here a moment." She said, loud enough for Cam'helin to hear, her strong tone leaving no room for argument.

"Of course," he responded anyway, the edge of a sigh lining his words. It sounded like relief, as through her silence had been some form of crude torture on him.

Deciding it best not to glance at him, she slipped the straps of her pack off of her shoulders, setting it on the ground before beginning on the laces of her armor. Once she was free of the leathers restraints she was quick to drop it at her feet, followed by the shirt she'd stolen from Cam'helin all those months ago. Not bothering with her trousers or footwraps she strode toward the waters edge, stretching her arms above her head, a satisfying secession of cracks following the movement.

The water was a welcome cool against her legs, as she was still not quite acclimated to the warm Tevinter weather. Wading in until it reached her hips, she stood in bliss for a moment, raising her face toward the sun and closing her eyes. Her metal arm shined in the light, reflecting the rippling water and responding to its glares with its own. Putting aside what it meant, it was truly a marvel of ingenuity, crafted specifically for the functions of a regular hand and a deadly gauntlet. Yet it still managed to be lovely, its maker's talent and the time spent creating it obvious to anyone with or without eyes.

Despite the grime and sweat coating her body, Kida was her own sight to behold. The sun set her porcelain skin and white hair aglow, a silent strength set in her back and arms, in the line of her shoulders and the way she held herself. The scars wrapping around her told the story of a life spent fighting, sometimes recklessly, against demons and templars, crazed mages and dragons. They were a map of the horrors she had seen, experienced, and put a stop to. Those horrors sometimes haunted her eyes, hardening them, setting them ablaze with molten gold and then being crushed in the tense set of her jaw. She'd seen more than anyone twice her age had, more than anyone should ever have to.

Bending her knees, she submerged herself without hesitation, relishing in the shock of the sudden temperature change. Massaging her scalp, she made quick work of cleaning her hair, sliding her fingers through the strands until she no longer felt the knots. Once she was satisfied she resurfaced, flipping her hair back from her face and smoothing it down.

Catching movement by the shore she turned slightly to see Cam'helin bent forward, deft fingers in the process of removing his boots. Heat crawled across her face upon realizing that he was very much not wearing a shirt, the olive skin of his toned back on full display. His hair had fallen to the side, shining like polished obsidian in the wake of the sun. A shiver ran through her, settling low in her stomach as a shaky sigh passed her lips.

When he moved to stand she quickly twisted away, damning her more primal urges as she focused on scrubbing the dirt from her form.

_'Nothing will come of it,'_ she hissed at herself, _'He pulled away from you. He does not want anything other than your friendship.'_

The mental argument did nothing to dissuade her body, still simmering with heat, nor did it make much sense. If he wanted nothing of that sort, what was he trying to accomplish at the ball? The dance between them was not something one would do with someone they thought of as a friend, and his actions on the balcony. . .

_'He still walked away.'_

Kida held back a groan. She had never been so confused by another person's actions, let alone a person who wore their emotions so openly. 

Twisting her arm behind her at a rather awkward angle, she tried to reach the grime on her back, huffing in frustration when she realized she couldn't. She was just about to wade back to shore to find a makeshift rag when a familiar voice sounded behind her.

"Kida?"

She jolted, disturbing the water around her, the unexpected noise causing frost to crystalize down her arms and spiral across her chest. Turning sharply, she found Cam'helin standing not five feet away, watching her with hesitation.

How had she not heard him approach? The man was as quiet as a rogue, she knew, but she had thought he would at least make noise while in the water. Her irritation at being startled faded upon fully taking him in, her eyes widening.

He had the body of a dancer, lithe yet still noticeably toned, the tapering curve of his waist disappearing under the trousers that snugly hugged his hips. The corded muscle of his arms and shoulders showed his years of using a staff, his skin seemingly smooth aside from the scars that littered his form. His hair was wet, slicked back and sticking against his neck, droplets of water dripping from the ends and rolling down his chest.

She was nearly overcome with the urge to touch him, to press her lips against the hollow of his throat, to thread her fingers through his hair and _pull-_

"Would you like some help?" Cam'helin asked, oblivious to her inappropriate train of thought. She didn't understand how he could be, she felt as if her entire face was on fire, the dark color creeping down her neck and across her collarbones.

It took her a moment to process his query, and when she finally did it didn't make any sense. "What?"

"With your back." He clarified with a gesture toward her, a small smile threatening to curve his lips.

Ah. That made sense. She couldn't reach it without aid and he was the type to offer his help, but that involved letting him touch her. Letting him get close to her.

It wouldn't be wise, she knew it wouldn't. But ever since she recognized her feelings toward him she'd realized that she rarely wanted to do wise things when it came to him. It would be a selfish act in a way, to allow him to help her simply so that she could relish in his touch, all the while not knowing how he truly felt.

"I would. . . appreciate it." Kida finally said, words quiet and slightly hoarse around the edges. A shiver coursed through her as he stepped closer and she turned, pulling her hair over her shoulder.

There was a tension between them, left over from the ball, but it was a mere shadow in the back of her mind at that moment. A much different tension was currently coiling her body, tightening low in her gut as his wet fingers slid down her back.

They stood in silence as he worked, Cam'helin occasionally rubbing at a particularly stubborn smudge of dirt, and all the while she tried not to squirm. It was more difficult than she thought it would be, especially when he seemed to purposely trace her scars, lingering as if he wondered at the story behind them. When he stopped all together at an old scar near her hip, the skin slightly puckered even with proper healing magic, she decided to speak.

"That one is from an arrow," she explained, voice low in attempt to not shatter the quiet. "I did not see the archer above."

He didn't say anything, only moving to touch the raised scar where her neck met shoulder. His hand moved with her when she turned to face him, heart thudding heavily upon seeing his pinched expression, pain and regret clear to see.

"An assassin came too close for comfort." Reaching out, she lightly traced a thin scar on his chest, right over his heart, and tilted her head in question.

"A drunkard didn't take well to the fact I have pointed ears." His voice was gentle, near husky, eyes half-lidded as he studied her slowly. "He came at me with a shiv."

Trailing her fingertips down his front, fire coursed through her veins when he shivered, eyes briefly sliding shut, opening when her hand settled low on his abdomen. The skin there was puckered, the scar turning it pale and ashen as it twisted outward in jagged lines akin to lightening. She knew what offensive magic did to the body if it didn't kill you, she had her own angry burn scar twisting up her calf, but she had never seen the likeness of his. It was beautiful, in some morbid fashion.

"Lightening spell." Cam'helin answered her unspoken curiosity, tone breathy as he held back a sigh. "Crazed mage on the port of Antiva thought I was hunting him, he didn't give me the chance to explain."

Gaze following his hand, he traced a silver scar on her waist, just above her hip, the one he'd healed. His magic had worked wonders on it, there was barely any mark left.

"That would be the one I received for being distracted on the battlefield." Kida said, having had enough of fighting with herself and with what ifs. She was never one to pine silently, it never did any good for the people involved.

"Distracted?" He asked with a slight tilt of his head, something akin to hope in his tone. It was a strange emotion to hear when speaking about old wounds, but it spurred her forward.

Inhaling shakily she met his gaze, and for once her expression was completely open, freely showing what she felt. Her hope, her hesitance, her affection, all of it laid bare to him in the hope that he would accept it. "By you. You are quite breathtaking off of the field, but you're stunning when on it."

Lips parting in surprise, Cam'helin blinked, staring at her in shameless awe. Dark green eyes flicked over her face as though he was searching for anything that claimed dishonesty. Seeming to find a satisfactory answer he let out a trembling breath, leaning ever so slowly forward until she could feel the coolness of his bare skin.

"Kida. . ." He breathed, and frost spiraled down her spine as heat claimed its place in his half-lidded gaze, the sensation of his fingertips ghosting up her biceps causing her to flush even darker. Her blush was seemingly contagious, since as soon as he saw it, a deep red spread across his cheekbones and the tips of his ears.

His apparent flustered state didn't seem to detour him however, his hands continuing to travel up until he was gently cupping her neck. The action was slow enough to give her every chance to pull away, if she wished, but her own feelings and his expression of longing kept her still. Tilting his head slightly, he traced her bottom lip with his thumb, eyes following the movement in such a way that made heat coil through her. At her shiver he looked up, meeting her gaze with his own, molten gold and shimmering green.

And then he leaned down, pressing his lips to hers, causing her mind to go blank.

Cam'helin cupped her jaw as they kissed, hesitant yet wanting, and her hands came up to grip the place where neck met shoulders, both bracing herself and holding him. He was fresh pine and mint, mixed with the cool taste of winter, and the chaste press of his lips nearly left her gasping.

The way he kept it so that only their mouths and hands touched the other showed his wish to go at her pace, and his ever present gentleness shined through in the movement of his mouth. In just a few short moments he had her breathless, craving more.

Taking a step forward on legs steadier than any other part of her, she pressed her chest against his, pulling a sharp gasp from him. Her tongue slipped past his lips, brushing his own, and her metal hand came up to thread into the hair at the base of his skull. A moan pulled from deep within Cam'helin's chest left his throat when she tightened her hold on the ebony strands, causing the ache low in her abdomen to flare once again.

They had only known each other for a short while, yet Kida felt this didn't seem rushed. She felt as if she'd known him for years, instead of only a few months. She was well aware of her tendency to fall for someone quickly, to grow emotionally attached despite her attempts at keeping people at a distance. In the past, both far and not so distant, she'd loathed that part of her. It was dangerous for someone like her to care, for herself and the person who held her affections.

Yet as one of Cam'helin's hands slipped from her neck to ghost over her collarbones, trailing down her chest to warmly hold her hip, she couldn't bring herself to care. Any resistance that the small, bitter part of her mind had built up vanished when he pulled her closer, tongue tracing her bottom lip as he pressed his hips flush against hers. She bit back a moan at the bold action, fingertips gliding down his biceps to grip his forearms as a breathy sigh escaped her.

He pulled back slightly at the sound, taking in her flushed cheeks and red lips with a warm gaze, eyes hazy with desire and awe but focused enough to express surprise. Slowly he trailed his thumb down the line of her jaw, eyes widening and head tilting when the action caused her to shiver.

The next couple of seconds happened in rapid succession.

One moment Cam'helin was leaning down, lips brushing against hers, and the next his expression sharpened into the calculating look he had when fighting. His arm shot out, frost and thick bolts of ice lacing over the water and through the air to the bank. The next second Kida's eyes focused, her own frost spiraling down her arms and brows furrowing as she took in the ice-encased form of what was without a doubt a Qunari. They were frozen solid, spear held mid throw and face twisted into a foul grimace.

Head clearing abruptly from her more primal emotions, she returned her gaze to the man next to her, watching as cool mist rose from his raised arm. Tiny spirals of frost curled around his long fingers, and she subconsciously bit her lip when he flexed them, twisting his wrist slowly. . .

Perhaps her head wasn't as clear as she originally thought.

"We should move," Kida said firmly, taking a small step back. Or at least she tried to. Her voice was far too low and raspy to sound firm. "There will undoubtedly be more."

A short sigh passed Cam'helin's lips, nearly a huff, his brows furrowing in distaste as he studied the frozen form at shore. It was a rare sight to see him irritated, much less angry. The last time she'd seen that sharp glint in his eye was when they had found those slavers with the captured Dalish, and she was quick to realize she wasn't fond of the expression. The way it tensed the line of his shoulders, his jaw setting tightly, the furrowed brows, it all seemed _wrong_ on him. He was a man meant to smile and laugh, to be content and free from stress.

She wanted to give him that, but she was still unaware of where they truly stood. If they were on the same page, if he wanted more than to simply kiss her, maybe take a roll in the sheets, and then call it finished.

"Yes. Of course." His murmured response pulled her from her spiraling thoughts, his eyes moving to study her, irritation melting away as he caught her golden gaze. Her breath hitched upon feeling his hand, fingers still overly cool from his use of magic, ghost over her collarbones. The despondent sort of longing swirling in his gaze made her swallow tightly and act on instinct, raising her metal hand to touch her fingertips to the back of his wrist.

The gentle look he fixed her with was enough to make her flush all over again, frost creeping up the curve of her spine when he flattened his hand over her heart. Her lips parted slightly in surprise when he leaned down, his own blush spreading even as a joyous little smile curved his mouth, and pressed his forehead against hers. His free hand came up to cup the side of her neck and she was quick to mirror him, her flesh fingers splaying over the sharp line of his jaw.

Letting their eyes slip closed, they savored the quiet moment and the calm, contented contact.

By the time Cam'helin pulled away, she had managed to regain most of her self control. However, that didn't stop her heart from thudding heavily in her chest when he tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. Nor did it prevent a light pink from touching her cheekbones when he caught her metal fingers in his, placing a soft kiss to the back of them with an equally soft expression.

People had kissed her hands in the past, before and after she lost her arm, though they had never touched her prosthetic. If they were not blatantly gawking, they ignored it completely, pointedly looking everywhere but the shining silver and singing lyrium. But this was Cam'helin and his gentle understanding, not only acknowledging what had become such a normal part of her, but accepting it with a kiss and a smile.

She was in far too deep, though she felt no regret.

"We'll speak of this later?" He asked, releasing his hold on her completely and taking a step back. Clasping his hands behind him he tilted his head a fraction, curiosity and poorly concealed hope clear in his expression. But more than that was the intent in his steady gaze, a choice. He was asking to speak of their actions later, but more than that, he was giving her the chance to say no. To pretend none of it happened and go back to being the way they were before. Friends and companions in arms.

Straightening her stance with a slight roll of her neck, Kida gave a firm nod. "Yes."

A smile curved his lips, dimples flashing, before he returned her nod and began to wade his way back to shore. Taking a deep breath through her nose and sparing one last glance at the frozen Qunari, she followed after him.


	7. By Starlight and Touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Month 6, the same day chapter six happened.

It was nearly dusk when they finally slowed their haste-filled trek through the dense forest, the last rays of sunlight fighting their way through the thick canopy of leaves above. Halani's sudden deep bark had briefly set them on edge, magic surging through them, though they were quick to relax at the sight of the wolf excitedly bounding toward them. Not keen on wasting what little remaining daylight there was, Kida hurried after him, keeping light on her feet despite their ache.

Very little time passed before a shabby hut came into view, moss growing on the roof and vines climbing the walls. Nature had claimed the man-made structure but it seemed steady, a safe place to rest for the night, even with the way it leaned askew. Halani wasted no time in pushing his way through the cracked door, no doubt to scare off any other animals, which left Kida and Cam'helin to secure the outside.

It only took a short time to reassure themselves that the area was blessedly void of anything other than natural wildlife, causing Cam'helin to breathe a sigh of relief.

Kida let her gaze drift over the tiny glade, feeling a strange sort of peace that she hadn't felt since she visited the Emerald Graves. Darkness had fallen, yet the foliage spread out in front of her was brimming with life. Fireflies flew leisurely as they flashed their tails, crickets chirped to a steady rhythm, small glowing flowers dotted the overgrown grass, all undisturbed by the gentle breeze. The air was rich with the smell of earth and green, the taste sticking to the back of her throat. A single deer grazed at the base of a tall tree, pale golden coat speckled with white.

The place was steeped in magic, old and untouched, flourishing in the absence of destruction. A place of serenity.

She could feel it wrapping around her, causing her own power to flow smoothly through her veins, cooling her skin and coiling around her toes. It was a pleasant feeling, one that was rare to experience and meant to be treasured. Willingly she let her eyes slip closed, tilting her head skyward and embracing the magic's caress as if it were an old friend.

"Kida."

Cam'helin's voice pulled her back to the present, his tone soft as if he feared to shatter the peaceful silence surrounding them. Taking a deep breath through her nose, she turned her gaze on him, eyes unguarded and expression unusually open.

He stood in front of the door, nary a foot between them, gazing at her as if she were something divine. Blinking quickly, he pulled his previously parted lips into a small smile, kindness ever reflective in his moss green eyes. Though unseen, his magic flexed around him, reacting to their surroundings and curling pleasantly through the air. It brushed against her own, softly, yet still her shoulders tensed at the feeling. She'd become much more comfortable with touch, primarily thanks to him, but this was different, more intimate. By the way his head tilted a fraction in curiosity, she felt it safe to assume that he wasn't aware of what he just did.

Despite her sudden flare of tenseness, she found it endearing.

A single firefly joined them, flittering in the air between them before settling on his cheek. She smiled faintly, stepping forward and raising a hand to brush it away, caressing his skin in the process. Surprise mirrored across both of their faces, but while his morphed into fondness, she looked utterly baffled with herself. Her eyes caught the moonlight, reflecting with that eerie glow only elves possessed, before pulling away as if he had burned her.

_'By everything holy,'_ her mind spat at her. _'_ What _has come over you?'_

She knew she cared for him, having already accepted that fact at the ball, but she was still unaware of how he wanted this. . . whatever it was, to proceed. Cam'helin was a good man, she would have had to be blind not to see that, but he'd never shown romantic interest in anyone during the time they traveled together. He was friendly and charming, and she knew he noticed the lingering, lust-filled looks he drew. His rebuttal was always kind but firm when someone was too forward, a simple smile and a step back until he stood at her side once again. Knowing nothing of his past dalliances or romances, she had little else than that and his character to base her guesswork on.

When these particular feelings of fondness and want came over her, she knew from the past that she wasn't one for flings, of having a tumble with someone and then moving on. Her feelings were built on emotional connection, having never felt any of her more primal urges toward attractive strangers she'd never spoken a word to.

If she encouraged this dance with him any more than she already had, she would be doing so with the knowledge of it lasting far longer than one night and a roll under the sheets. If that's all it would be, she would refuse.

As soon as that thought crossed her mind she became acutely aware of the jawbone necklace that rested against her ribs, her still cracked heart beating steadily against it. As the years passed the ache that had once been so blindingly bright had dulled, but she would be lying if she said she was fully recovered from it. Never until now had she wondered at the prospect of moving on, part of her feeling she wouldn't be able to, while another, more bitter voice claimed she had no wish to.

But something about Cam'helin made Kida Lavellan, a broken woman scarred by violence and weary of the world, want to try.

Perhaps it was his earnestness and compassion, his rare form of gentleness and actions that overflowed with care. Perhaps it was the way his gaze turned sharp and calculating when he studied information, his honesty and steadiness in times of uncertainty. Perhaps his gentle teasing was to blame, his seemingly effortless ability to make her laugh. Or perhaps it was simply the way he looked at her, with affection and warmth, and sometimes with such a passion in his green eyes that frost twisted around her neck, down her back.

She wanted to heal, to care and be wanted again, all with him, if he wished it as well. But a dark part of her wondered how he could ever wish it.

Closing her eyes she breathed deeply through her nose, trying to let the scent of the enchanted glade calm her frayed nerves. Meeting his now concerned gaze with as peaceful an expression as she could manage, her lips quirked in a faint smile.

"We should go inside." She said quietly, internally grimacing at how formal she sounded. As the years had worn on her, her ability to not be blunt and to make someone comfortable faded until it was almost non-existent. Regardless, her mind was focused solely on having that conversation she had agreed to at the river, and she knew him well enough to know he would understand her.

True to her assumption Cam'helin straightened, expression shifting to seriousness as he gave a nod and turned around. Kida let out an inaudible sigh of relief as he pushed open the huts door, following slowly after him as he summoned a few orbs of pale light to hover around the small room. Securing the lock behind her, she cast her eyes over the interior.

While it was obvious no one had lived there in years, perhaps even decades, it was strangely preserved. The fur rug in front of the fireplace was unworn, the bed in the far corner seemed clean and fresh, the faint scent of crystal grace and earth lingering in the air. Halani lay in a corner with his head on his paws, ears perked alertly even as his eyes drooped.

All in all, it felt homey, despite its lacking in glass windows and food.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Cam'helin glancing around appreciatively as he pulled off his thigh-high boots, setting them by the door before moving further in. She watched, still as stone, as he sat down on the fur rug and tightly crossed his legs. Gesturing to the empty space in front of him, he looked at her steadily.

"Sit with me?" The request was quiet, as if he feared she would reject.

She didn't respond, instead turning her focus on her boots, tugging them off and settling them next to his. He was visibly nervous when she sat across from him, mirroring his position and meeting his gaze with no small amount of willpower. In the past she briefly wondered if she would ever see the man at a loss for words, but now all she wished was for him to say _something._

"Why?" She blurted after the silence stretched too long, deciding to take the lead. He blinked at her, brows furrowing in confusion.

"Why did you kiss me? Why would you want to?"

There. She had asked. The thing that had made the least sense to her was out in the open. Regaining control of himself he reached out, capturing her hands with his. She made no move to extract herself.

"Because I care for you." His reply was earnest, steadfast, amplified by him leaning forward and squeezing her fingers. His pure honestly rang in her ears and she wanted so desperately to believe him, but she couldn't quite fathom it.

" _Why?_ "

Understanding, though she didn't have the faintest idea for what, shined in his eyes before determination took hold of his expression.

"Is it truly so hard to believe? Shall I list the reasons?" He continued with conviction and confidence, not giving her a chance to respond. "You're battle-worn and weary, but you are beautiful. A light that steadily burns as chaos surrounds it, unable to be put out by any means." She swallowed thickly when he smiled, as soft as the touch of his hands, a thumb rubbing small circles on her wrist. "You are enchanting to me, I could spend hours telling you why."

Her shoulders were tensed, frost following the arch of her spine as she sat too straight, eyes wide as she took him in. That answered the question of whether or not he wanted more from her, though it didn't make his words any easier to believe.

"But I was not enough."

Her eyes stung, voice raw, caused by memories of happiness and loss, of having the one thing that kept her sane in the midst of chaos slip away between fingers too numb and a mind too slow to grasp. She hadn't meant to say that aloud, but now that she'd spoken the words kept flowing.

"I am terrified," she admitted, stubbornly refusing to look away from him or let her emotions overtake her, lest she lose her nerve. "I have only cared for someone once and it ended in heartbreak, one I still have not fully recovered from. I don't know if I can." Her grip on his hands tightened until it was vice-like. "But I want to try. I want to try with you, but I was not enough before, so why would I be now? I am a shattered woman, Cam'helin, I do not know if I can fully move on and heal, and you deserve better than that. You deserve better then what the world has made of me."

"Kida," he started softly, eyes shining with empathized pain. "That is not your choice to make. I decide who deserves my time and care."

"You have horrible taste then." She nearly snapped, rolling her eyes. Anger rose in her, not at him, but at herself. Every instance that she allowed herself to dwell on her past she became like this, short-tempered and snipping at everything that moved. Ice was beginning to curl around her neck, bringing her to the conclusion that she needed fresh air, primarily so that she didn't say anything she would regret. Breaking eye contact and leaning back, she took a deep, calming breath.

"Wait, please." His hands slid to her wrists when she moved to pull away, hold loose but pleading, and that's all it took for her to cease her retreat. "I'll force nothing on you, Kida, but you must know. . . You would be enough for me." He caught her guarded gaze and held it, unwavering, imploring. "You _are_ enough for me."

Her lungs closed, defenses breaking at the confession, and tears blurred her eyes, sliding down her cheeks as she squeezed them closed.

"Then why did you pull away at the ball?" She asked, clearing her throat and covering her mouth when her voice cracked.

_'Blast it all, why are you crying?'_

"I-" Cam'helin blinked in surprise before sighing, shame claiming his expression and clouding his tone. "We were both stressed at the time. I'd just realized I couldn't ignore my feelings for you, you looked radiant in that dress and after we danced I. . . I felt I was overwhelming you."

That pulled a wet laugh from her. She'd definitely been overwhelmed, though for more reasons than he was most likely thinking of.

"You seemed conflicted, I didn't want to push you into anything you would regret." Cam'helin finished, looking down at their hands. "I'm sorry, I didn't know that would weigh on you."

". . . You are a ridiculous man." Kida said after a moment of silence, watching him trace the scars on her flesh hand. Reaching out she brushed her metal fingers over his jaw until he met her golden eyes.

"I've been called worse," he replied with a light chuckle, free hand rising to wipe away the last of her tears.

He lingered at her cheek, thumb following the curve of bone under her eye, gaze soft with fondness and wanting. Acting on instinct she leaned forward, capturing his mouth with hers and swallowing the surprised inhale the action pulled from him. Vaguely she felt him rise to his knees and pull her with him, a hand cupping her hip as she twined her fingers in his hair. She tried to memorize the taste of him, fresh pine and mint with a hint of winter, but there was something else there as well. Something headier, earthy.

All too soon he pulled away, and it was only then she realized she was nearly gasping, chest arched against him as if she were trying to join them together.

"You're flushed. . ." He breathed, green eyes warm and hazy as he studied her face, either unaware or not willing to acknowledge his own red ears.

"You have that effect on me."

Unsuccessfully he tried to bite back a rather pleased smile, turning his attention to the dark shirt she wore. Trailing his fingers down her arm he caught her wrist, tugging it until her hand rested against his chest. Fingering the sleeve, he eyed the ruffles intently.

"You're still wearing my shirt."

"I like it," she admitted.

"So do I, it suits you." His voice dropped to a silky purr, sultry, even as his words sang with genuine praise. Leaning down until his lips brushed the sharp line of her ear, he whispered," However, I think you look better without it."

Pink rushed along her cheekbones and down her neck to splash across her chest, every instance that she'd had to remove her shirt around him flashing through her mind. Base modesty was never something that she gave much thought to, being raised Dalish, but she often forgot that her way of thinking was far from widely shared. More than once she had scandalized her companions and friends by not being more shy. Judging by his words and the look he was currently giving her however, she felt it safe to think Cam'helin didn't mind in the slightest.

Heat coiled through her at the sight of a smirk curling his lips, settling low in her gut and causing her to unconsciously bite her tongue.

In all the months they had traveled together, she'd never seen him smirk, but the action paired with a single raised brow and his half-lidded gaze burning with promised passion and desire was downright _sinful_. For a moment she could see the pirate he'd claimed to be in the past, a roguish charmer, and found that she didn't dislike this side of him.

"Cam'helin-" Her next words were cut off by a sharp inhale when his hands cupped her hips and pulled her forward, pressing them flush against his. At the feeling of his cool lips on her neck she tipped her head back, eyes slipping closed as she gripped his shoulders to steady herself, ice popping in the air around them.

"I want you." The three words were uttered against the hollow of her throat, barely audible, yet he might as well have shouted them. Hesitance showed for the first time in the way he traced her spine, fingers halting at the hem of her shirt. "Do you want this? Will you let me?"

"Yes." She sounded desperately eager, but the feeling of his shutter as her metal arm curled around his back chased all potential for embarrassment from her mind. " _Please._ "

His moan sank into her skin, a thrill twisting through her when he grabbed the back of her thighs and lifted her up, frost spiraling across her chest as he smoothly rose to his feet.

_'Oh.'_ Thoughts hazy and jumbled with excitement, she locked her legs around his hips. _'He is much stronger than he looks.'_

It took them longer than it should have to reach the bed in the far corner, Cam'helin stopping every step as they tried to remove each others shirts without simply ripping them off. Only when Kida's breast wrap was tossed carelessly away did she feel her back press into the cool blankets, their combined weight dipping the mattress. Locked in a surprisingly gentle dance with his tongue, considering how tightly they held one another, she tugged at his hair. Stray strands of ebony tickled her ear as he leaned over her, hips rolling teasingly into hers, just enough to let her feel him. Slipping his hands in the back of her trousers, gently working them down, she felt his silent chuckle against her mouth.

"You wear a binder, yet you do not wear smallclothes." His voice was little more than a moan as he caught her bottom lip between his teeth, slowly dragging a canine across the inner skin.

She lifted her hips to his, seeking the friction he'd teased her with, but he took that chance to pull the trousers down to her thighs, causing her to let out a breathless gasp. Breaking the kiss he leaned back to shed them from her completely, discarding them somewhere on the floor, leaving her bare before him.

Above all she expected to feel some type of shyness, perhaps freeze up under his heated gaze, but she was nothing but eager and filled with anticipation. She trusted him inexplicably, completely at ease in his presence, feeling no want to cover herself. She only wanted him close, to breathe him in and have him against her, around her, inside her.

His expression was nearly reverent as he took her in, soaking up every detail and scar, before beginning to press gentle kisses to her skin, starting with her lips and then traveling steadily lower. Tevene words were murmured with every free breath, his accent thick in his mother tongue, and she could do nothing more than shudder under his attention. At the feeling of his teeth sinking into the swell of her breast she swore, the pain a sharp contrast from his previous actions, and her metal hand snapped out to grip the bedframe above her head.

"Too much?" He asked softly, pulling away and pressing a gentle kiss to the assaulted skin. The wooden frame creaked in protest as her grip tightened, frost creeping from underneath her palm.

"Don't stop."

" _Ma nuvenin._ "

The sensation of his hands stroking soothingly along her thighs and his mouth latching onto one of her breasts relaxed her minutely, helping her ease into such intimate affection. There was a slight tremble in her flesh hand, not from nerves, but from the sheer newness of everything. Despite her ready boldness, she'd never done anything like this, had never gone further than a heated kissing session that always ended before it got out of hand.

But she wanted this with him, and she was more than willing to push past the initial tenseness that came with being touched after going so long without it.

Trailing her flesh hand down his chest, she slowly began to unlace the front of his trousers, metal fingers releasing the bedframe and lacing into his hair. Guiding him into a warm kiss she slipped her hand inside the leather, wrapping her fingers around him and flexing her grip experimentally.

"Ah-!" Cam'helin broke the kiss with a near strangled noise, reaching between them to catch her wrist. Meeting her curious gaze he gave a breathy laugh, eyes shining with a mix of surprise, amusement, and arousal.

"It- It has been a long time, I'm not used to being touched like that." Leaning down, he brushed the tip of his nose against hers. "Be gentle with me?"

"Of course." She replied just as breathlessly. They shared a quiet laugh at her response, before she slid her free hand from his hair to his jaw, pulling him back into the kiss he broke. He surrendered to her leading touch as if she were something holy, holding her with all the reverence of a man who had never seen the light. Keeping his request in mind she slowly began to stroke him, her touch featherlight as she ran her thumb over his tip. He trembled above her, rocking his hips into her hand and burying his face in the crook of her neck as an unsteady moan tumbled out of him. Heat coiled in her veins at the sound, twisting impatiently through her body like an untamed fire.

"Kida. . ."

"I like the way you say my name," she whispered. With awe, like it was the name of someone who meant something to him, of someone he cherished.

For years she had been the Inquisitor, the Herald, Lady Lavellan, and even before she was the First. Hearing her given name was akin to seeing a phoenix in Skyhold, and yet it was all he called her. Not once had he uttered her many titles or used embellished pleasantries, she was simply Kida to him.

Until now, she hadn't realized just how calming it was, how grounding.

It wasn't long before Cam'helin himself was stripped of his trousers as well, down to nothing but bare skin highlighted by pale orbs of hovering light. She still couldn't quite get used to the sight of him, of just how stunning he was, but she didn't believe she truly wanted to. She found herself believing that, should she spend the rest of her life in wonder at his very existence, it would be a fine life indeed.

At first she thought nothing of the feeling of his mouth straying below her ribs, basking in the pleasure it brought her, only realizing what his intentions were when his hands moved to hold her hips still. Golden eyes snapped open at the feeling of cool lips high against her inner thigh.

"Wait."

The word was said quietly, barely above a whisper, yet Cam'helin heard her easily and was quick to pull away. Meeting his expression, she found that he looked nothing but concerned, brows furrowed as he seemed to wonder if he shouldn't be bracing himself over her. She gave him a rather awkward smile.

"I do not like your mouth. . . down there." She admitted, glancing down to where his hands had moved to hold her thighs, his touch calming her.

It felt strange to voice aloud. While she had no personal experience, she was far from ignorant, having overheard other women speak of the act and the pleasure it brought them. But it sounded strange to her. The type of foreign she had no wish to feel herself, the thought making her far too uncomfortable and nearly mortified to even consider.

She didn't know how she was expecting him to react, perhaps disbelief, but surprise took her at the sight of his understanding smile.

"Then we won't," Cam'helin assured her simply, leaning down until his forehead touched hers, a hand coming up to caress her jaw. "Truthfully, I don't enjoy being on the receiving end either."

A soft sigh passed her lips, tension she was unaware she had melting from her spine. _'I do not know why I still doubt him.'_

"However. . ." He trailed off and her breathing hitched at the feeling of his fingers ghosting between her legs, slowly stroking her folds before easing inside of her.

Toes curling into the blankets and back arching, her eyes rolled closed, a choked gasp catching in her lungs. It had been so long since she felt this, but his touch was different than hers, his fingers bigger and far more pleasurable than anything she'd done in the past.

A grunt reached her ears, and a moment later she felt his cool hand cover hers at the back of his head. She didn't even remember moving her hands.

"Breathe, Kida." His voice was low, smooth as he coaxed her to loosen her vice-like grip with a stroke of his thumb. "I have you."

Immediately she released her hold on the strands, having not noticed that she was nearly pulling the man's hair out. Sliding her palms down his chest and around to caress his back, she murmured an elvhen apology against his lips before catching them in a warm embrace.

Whether it was the elvhen words on her tongue or the way his wrist twisted just so between her thighs, she didn't know, but something between them snapped, their movements turning more seeking and purposeful than simple touching. She had to fight to keep herself from locking her legs around his waist when he rolled his hips against hers, nearly shaking with anticipation when he withdrew his hand and positioned himself above her.

" _Vas nun habeditis adhuk cadare. Non esht macum._ "

Kida had read about such things, when she last held interest and Hawke had gifted her with one of her romance novels, but the act was always kept vague. She hadn't understood then, but the answer sang through her in verses now. There were no words that could quite describe it, the pleasure, the feeling of his skin against hers, cool to the touch despite the light sheen of sweat coating it. The roll and sharp thrust of his hips that caused her to gasp and arch into his chest, frost spiraling thickly across her shoulders. The deep moan she pulled from him by gripping his hair and dragging her nails down his back. A steady hand on her hip, holding her in place on the mattress, grounding her, and a claiming kiss to her lips that nearly made her come undone by how gentle it was.

Despite their current activities, Kida didn't fail to notice the drop in temperature or the occasional snowflake drifting above them on a nonexistent breeze. It took her a while to realize it wasn't her magic, which had decided to creep up the nearest wall, but Cam'helin's, slipping past his control as it steadily crumbled.

The moons were high by the time they were both spent, limbs loose and bones feeling as if they were made of pudding. Nevertheless, their hearts beat with soft fondness, lips placing gentle kisses to whatever skin they could reach. Even when they finally settled, Cam'helin holding her close and firmly nestled against his side, she refused to close her eyes. Simply staring at him as he shined like a midnight star in his afterglow, not wanting to slip away into the Fade to dream of things that made her wish she didn't sleep at all.

And he held her gaze, moss green eyes reflective in the night, with a hazy smile that betrayed how content and tired he was. After a long moment he shifted closer to her, tangling his legs with hers and curling himself around her.

"Sleep. I'll fight the nightmares away if they come to get you."

That night, for the first time in years, her dreams were void of glowing red eyes, of screams and the voices of people she had failed.

Held warm and safe, Kida had never felt quite so treasured.

* * *

The scent of early dawn and the soothing feeling of fingers sliding through her hair was what called her to consciousness. Awareness was slow to come, dripping into her mind with all the likeness of honey in spring, and the feeling of cool skin pressed against hers only made her want to sink back into the Fade. Gentle breath, near soundless, ghosting against her shoulder was what made her slowly peek open her eyes, squinting up at the huts ceiling as her thoughts tried to catch up with her surroundings. The memory of kissing Cam'helin and the Qunari was the first to enter her mind, followed by rushing through the forest, finding the enchanted hut, the conversation and confession, and then. . .

"Hello."

_'Ah.'_

A pale flush graced her cheeks and collarbones as the rest of the night flooded her mind. Callused hands and soft lips guiding her, whispered Tevene phrases she had no hope of translating, but also no doubt of their sincerity. He'd been gentle with her, slow, as if he wanted to immortalize the moment in their minds.

If that was his intention, he had done a fine job of it.

Blinking the last bit of haze from her eyes she turned her head to the side, finding the man who held her affections lying next to her. Head propped up in his palm and green eyes shimmering, he was a breathtaking sight. He wore a serene smile as he took her in, ebony hair messed and swept to the side. There was something different about him as he curled her hair around his fingers, a natural glow to his bare skin and expression that she'd never seen before. At the passing thought that she may be the cause of it, she couldn't help but give him a smile of her own.

"Did you sleep well?" His tone was quiet, unwilling to disturb the comfortable silence, the lightness of it giving away how content he was.

"Yes." She shifted to lay on her side, only becoming aware of the ache between her thighs when she slid a leg up to hook her calf around the back of his knee. It was a pleasant feeling however, and she unconsciously leaned closer to him. "Better then I have in a long while."

Bringing a hand up to trace a finger along the line of her jaw, he placed a lingering kiss to the corner of her mouth. "I'm glad."

"And you?"

"Very well." A soft sigh as his mouth drifted lower, stilling when he sighted something below her collar. Following his gaze, she watched as he touched his fingertips to the red skin on the swell of her breast, a bruise in the shape of teeth marks.

"I apologize." He straightened up, tone coloring with remorse. "I shouldn't have marked you, not without asking."

Kida raised a brow as she took in the bite mark, the red fading into purple in some areas. Despite the soothing manner in which he trailed his tongue over the indention left behind by his affectionate mouth the night before, it did nothing to stop the bruising. In the past she'd never given much thought to how she would react to being marked in such a way, but a small thrill ran through her at the sight of it contrasting with her pale skin.

"There is no need for that, it was done in a moment of passion." She assured him, internally wondering if the way he spoke was beginning to rub off on her. "I like it." Golden eyes lingered on a set of dark red lines on his bicep. "And I marked you."

"That you did." He chuckled, sounding far too pleased as his eyes danced with amusement. Gaze flicking between them, he studied a braid of their hair she only noticed now, no doubt one he'd made while she was sleeping. Her chest warmed at the sight of the ebony and snow white strands twisted elegantly together, so focused on it she nearly flinched in surprise when she felt his hand glide up her thigh.

"Did I satisfy you?"

Cam'helin's voice was warm and curious, but she heard the undercurrent of concern and saw it in the way his eyes searched hers. Kida stared openly at him, caught off guard by how much it seemed to bother him. Of all the things he could have asked her, whether or not he brought her pleasure last night was not a question she expected, especially when she'd been nothing but a moaning mess beneath him.

Unwilling to make him question her satisfaction, she leaned forward until her forehead rested against his, cupping the back of his neck when he pressed into the touch.

"Immensely." She all but declared.

Immediately he relaxed, sliding an arm around her back to keep her close as he kissed her deeply, stealing the air from her lungs.

"That's good," he murmured against her mouth, and words failed her.

"Uh-huh." Her heart thudded unevenly in her chest when he pressed his lips gently to her eyelids, fingers tracing her spine as her frost followed in their wake.

After what felt like both an age and a few scarce moments he pulled away, expression shamelessly amazed as she stared dazedly at him.

"I have never felt as whole as I do with you, Kida," he admitted gently, earnestly. "I want you to know that."

Suddenly unsteady under his unwavering gaze and open honesty, Kida felt her insecurities begin to creep from the dark corners of her mind. He had never lied to her, not once. Though it's not as if he could, the man was unable to lie about eating the last grape. But that didn't stop the bitter little voice in her mind from hissing that this wouldn't last. That he would tire of her and her sharp edges, of her ghosts and scars. That he would leave, just as Solas had.

Flexing her jaw, she swallowed thickly and pressed back against her doubts. It was harder than she thought it would be, fighting back instead of succumbing, but that didn't detour her. She wanted to believe she deserved this kind of happiness, that she was worthy of it, and she knew that this was a fight she needed to take the first step in. If all went well, she wouldn't be struggling alone, but this wasn't something someone else could fix for her.

Golden eyes dropped to his collarbone before she forced herself to focus on his moss green gaze, breathing deeply.

"I did not consent to this with the intention of ending it here, Cam'helin." Kida spoke slowly, half so that she wouldn't fumble her words and half so that she could work through her feelings. "I care for you, but I'm not sure what to call this. . ." She trailed off, brows furrowing as she grew frustrated with her sudden inability to speak.

"Why don't we just follow where this leads us?" He proposed as he wrapped a lock of her hair around his finger, a smile tugging at his mouth. "We like being close to each other, we care for each other, I think that is enough for now." Uncertainty took his expression. "The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable."

"I think I would like that." She said after a moment, giving him a small smile. Her care for him flowed deeply, she knew that, but hadn't yet realized just how far it went.

Despite the lack of a name for what was between them, the man in front of her looked so overjoyed that she couldn't help her quiet laugh, small smile turning warm.

She felt his own laugh against her lips when he sealed his mouth to hers, cupping her face in his hands as if he didn't quite believe she was real. Truth be told, she was having difficulty comprehending his existence as well. The feeling of his bare chest pressed to hers and his thigh sliding between her own brought back a memory from the night before however, and she broke the kiss, leaning back further than usual when he followed after her.

"Wait, wait! What did you say to me last night?" She asked around something akin to a giggle as he guided her onto her back and teasingly gazed his teeth along her jaw.

_'Fenhedis, I do_ not _giggle,'_ her mind protested.

"I recall saying a lot of things to you." Cam'helin said, tone suddenly sultry as his gaze turned half-lidded. Warmth flooded her veins at the memory of his voice next to her ear, words of elvhen and Tevene alike whispered silkily, but she refused to be distracted.

"Then you should have no trouble recalling that sentence in Tevene. . ." She trailed off, gliding her fingertips down his side to draw idle shapes on his hip, wracking her brain for the words. " _'Vos nun habeditis adhuk cadare,'_ something along those lines?"

A dark blush spread across his cheekbones and the tips of his ears, splashing across his chest. Still he gave her a soft smile, thumb stroking the metal of one of her earrings. "I think I'll keep that to myself, for now."

Kida tried and failed to suppress a huff, nose wrinkling as she wrestled with her immense dislike of being denied information. Cam'helin's surprised laugh filled her ears and vibrated against her chest, dimples flashing with his wide smile as his eyes flicked over her expression.

"Are you-" Disbelief was an undercurrent in his teasing tone, as infectious as it was when they first met, making her fight to keep herself from giving into his humor. "Are you _pouting?_ "

"Quiet."

She gave him her best glare, which was impressive even in her current state, but as always it had no effect on him.

"I'll tell you one day, I promise." He assured her after quelling his laughter, his thumb working a soothing caress against her side until she gave him a small smile.

Hearing the call of a bird, Kida twisted her neck to look toward the nearest window, catching sight of the first rays of dawn sunlight filtering through. Laying there with Cam'helin, she'd forgotten about where they were and where they were going. The war, the pressure of having the fate of Thedas on their shoulders, she had forgotten it all and knew that he had as well.

"We should get moving." There was obvious reluctance in her tone, but also a finality, one that didn't allow argument from anyone including herself.

"The world calls." With a sigh Cam'helin shifted above her, working his way to the edge, but not before catching one last kiss from her. She leaned into it, drawing it out until he pulled away to smoothly roll out of the bed.

Standing straight and stretching his arms over his head, Kida watched as he arched his spine, tipping his head back and letting his ebony hair fall in a dark waterfall. Olive skin bare and on full display, she let her eyes wonder, taking in the red scratches crisscrossing across his shoulders and over his back. Gaze drifting lower still, she tilted her head and hummed softly, remembering the feeling of his dancers waist and hips against hers.

_'He truly does have a nice ass.'_

She'd only just begun to study the strong muscle of his thighs when she heard him clear his throat. Glancing up she found him watching her over his shoulder with a roguish little smile, green eyes shining with knowing. There was something else there as well, a deep fondness, bright and unashamedly genuine.

Her own smile readily greeted his, wide and joyful and full of more life than it had been in years. It crinkled the corners of her eyes, an almost unnoticeable tinge of playfulness from her early youth playing in the spark of her golden gaze.

A silent laugh shook her shoulders when his eyes widened, cheekbones and tips of his ears flushing darkly. An almost giddy excitement rushed through her veins when he leaned down, catching her mouth in a warm kiss that lasted far longer than either of them planned, before pulling away and beginning to search for his scattered clothing. Deciding it best, Kida rose and began to search for her clothes as well, finding an odd enjoyment in trying to find a way to walk without limping.

She'd only managed to find her trousers and shirt before realizing that Halani sat in the corner, watching them happily as his tail wagged lazily. Mortification flooded her when she realized he must have been in the hut with them the whole night. He didn't seem bothered however, in fact he looked more content than he had in weeks, making Kida decide not to dwell on it. The thought of her companion being pleased that she and Cam'helin finally stopped dancing around each other wasn't something she was interested in letting keep her up at night.

It took much longer than it should have to find her breast wrap, and she'd only found it when Cam'helin pointed out the cloth all but hanging out of the window.

"This is your binder, yes?" He asked, holding up the black strip with a curious expression. Kida couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of her as she stepped forward, taking it from him and beginning to secure it around her chest. It was tempting to tease him about almost tossing it out of the window, but she decided on sparing him from that.

"Yes, thank you." She said, glancing up at him with an amused smirk. "It is called a breast wrap however, not a binder."

"Oh." He blushed at that, eyes flicking around the room to look at anything but her. "I wasn't aware."

"A common mistake," she assured him, giving his arm a gentle squeeze before stepping over to her pack.

It wasn't until she had laced up her boots that she saw it on the floor.

The jawbone necklace, _his_ necklace, sitting beside her pack. She didn't remember when she'd taken it off, was it when they first came into the hut? Or was it when she and Cam'helin were shedding each others clothes in a hasty attempt to feel the others' skin on theirs?

Reaching out, she picked it up, dragging her thumb over the polished teeth and twining the leather around her fingers. It was familiar to her, and it was almost second nature to put it around her neck, but she simply held it.

And with a deep breath, she tucked it securely away in her pack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ma nuvenin - As you wish.


	8. The Moments In-between

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Month 10.

Kida couldn't quite understand how he did it.

They were meant to wait for Yeros in the alley, and technically still were, but as soon as Cam'helin had caught sight of a group of urchins hankered down in the shade of a crumbling wall his compassion wouldn't be held. With an expression of empathy and determination, he had given her hand a brief squeeze before striding off toward them.

After a few minutes he'd somehow managed to get the children to trust him, despite the mages staff strapped to his back, and she watched with growing bafflement as he led them all to the nearest fruit seller. The vender had a look of wide bewilderment when he encouraged them to pick what they wished, paying for everything without a glimmer of reluctance.

The children all but came alive under his attentive gaze, previously shuffled steps shifting to barely controlled bounces as they all tried to find a way to walk next to him. And after they ate, he somehow convinced every single one of them to dance with him.

Which brought them to where they were now, boots scuffing over rough stone as Cam'helin spun in a circle, the young girl he danced with letting out a shriek of delight as he pulled her with him. Laughter echoed around the near barren street, undernoted with the softer chuckles she had become so very familiar with. Twirling and skipping clumsily to the melody a bard played nearby, without a doubt happier than they had been in quite a while. Joyful smiles on dirty faces and life sparking behind previously dull eyes, it seemed Cam'helin had succeeded in his mission to bring a bit of happiness into their lives.

And once again, he left Kida awestruck in the wake of his charm and compassion. The man may have been an ice mage, but there was nothing frigid about him.

She watched the scene play out with a faint smile, full of fondness as she leaned against the stone wall of their designated alley. These acts of kindness were far from uncommon for him, there were countless times during their travels together where he went out of his way to help someone else. He never expected anything in return for his small acts, feeding urchins and helping old women carry their water pails seemingly something that came naturally to him. It was moments like these that made her affection for him grow, blooming in her chest and warming her blood. An odd feeling, considering the icy coolness she carried there, but not unwelcome.

She admired him for it, for holding a certain sense of compassion that was rarely seen in such an unforgiving world.

Kida was briefly tempted to join them, but found herself more comfortable with simply watching, trying and failing to suppress a smile when Cam'helin would raise his head to catch her eye. With mild amusement she watched as he leaned down to let one of the young girls tuck a white flower behind his ear. The girl blushed wildly when he graced her with a smile, all but shoving the remaining bundle of flowers into his chest.

Tilting her head, she soaked in his profile. How a man could wear such dainty flowers in his hair and still manage to look disarmingly handsome she didn't know, yet he pulled it off effortlessly. Despite the clouds, his hair shone like rippling water at midnight, shifting with his every movement. A quiet confidence resided in the set of his shoulders and spine, moss green eyes forever alight with life and alertness.

Unconsciously she smiled, gaze drifting to the steadily darkening sky above. There was no doubt that rain would fall today, she could smell it, taste it on the air, and her arm held a dull ache where metal fused with flesh. It didn't rain often in Tevinter, at least that had been her experience, but when it did it was always heavy and lasted far longer than she considered necessary. An irritated hope that Yeros would hurry flashed through her, not wanting to be caught in one of the sudden downpours this country's weather was so fond of.

In such a smooth way that it felt natural, her thoughts returned to Cam'helin. She thought of him a lot lately, when she had a free moment, and was begrudgingly finding that she didn't mind.

Anyone could plainly see the gentleness in his demeanor, that innate kindness seemingly engraved into his very being. Earnestness shadowed his every movement and word, carved elegantly into his actions as if it came as naturally to him as breathing. He inspired her, filling her with a want to be better than she was.

Never once in her life had she wanted to be grand or in charge, only ever wanting the freedom to be who she was, to discover and help. She was worn from the world and what it still took from her, but her wishes had not changed. He made her want to be kinder in spite of the effect being the Inquisitor had had on her, to look at all the heartache and pain in front of her not with a steel gaze, but a compassionate one. It was a slow process, one couldn't simply stop being bitter in a day, but it helped to be reminded that kind people like him still existed.

A content sigh passed her lips as she loosely crossed her arms. _'Perhaps that is why I lo-'_

Her heart stopped, stuttering unnaturally in her chest before squeezing tightly. Breath leaving her lungs in a sharp exhale, she was thankful to be leaning against the stone wall, as she was convinced her knees would have given out otherwise. The lyrium in her metal arm flared as she clenched her hands and curled in on herself, frost spiderwebbing down her arms and across her back. Her mind twisted and spiraled, wrapping her thoughts into knots.

_'Was that truly. . .? Do I? Am I able to?'_

At the sound of her name her head snapped up, focusing on Cam'helin as he strode hurriedly toward her, concerned expression pinching his brows. Almost immediately her mind ceased its restless churning, the mere sight of him enough to anchor her back to reality. Heart still thumping heavily against her ribs, a small smile curved her mouth, her reaction bringing her a sense of peace.

_'Yes. Yes, I do.'_

"Are you alright? I felt your magic flare." He asked as soon as he reached her, tone worried, causing him to sound more like the healer he was.

"I am fine, simply wrapped up in my thoughts." She assured him, face betraying nothing but her happiness at seeing him. It wasn't a lie, not really, but she wasn't ready to tell him what was truly on her mind.

Glancing at his clasped hands, she inclined her head, "What do you have?"

Giving her a dazzling smile that set her heart aflutter as if it were a caged bird, he took a step closer and brought his hands up between them. Warmth danced across her cheeks at the sight of the flowers in his grasp, small and as golden as her eyes. Carefully he pulled three from the bundle, reaching up to tuck them behind her burning ear as she stared a hole into his chest, embarrassment and affection running rampant through her.

"One of the little girls gave them to me," he explained quietly once they were secure, tilting her head up with a gentle finger on her chin. Frost spiraled across her lower back upon seeing his soft smile. "She told me to give them to someone I care about."

Swallowing harshly she took a deep breath, resisting the urge to duck her head like a _da'len_ who was just told she was pretty by someone she fancied. Instead she cupped her hands over his, holding them for a long moment before plucking one of the flowers from his grip. Reaching up she slowly tucked it behind his ear, right next to his white one, only meeting his eyes when she pulled away.

"Now we match." Kida said with a smile, voice uncharacteristically coy. Her realization made her bolder, excited, and she shifted a step closer to him. She felt a spike of satisfaction when he blinked at her, his lips parting, and straightened his spine, caught off guard. After all, never before had she looked at him like she was now. Holding his gaze from beneath her dark lashes, she tilted her head a fraction, cool fingertips of both flesh and metal brushing over the back of his hands.

A dark tint came over his cheekbones and the tips of his ears, traveling below his collar, but he was far from detoured. His smile returned, the remaining flowers all but slipping from his grasp as he trained all of his focus on her. The man looked positively enraptured.

"Kida. . ."

"Yes, Cam'helin?" She asked, catching the side of her bottom lip between her teeth as she raised her chin.

His breath hitched, but his voice was as warm as his eyes. "You are truly a sight to behold."

"Flattery gets you nowhere with me."

"No, but honesty does."

A loud crack of thunder cut off any response she had, which had been none, the dark clouds that had been crowding above them finally unleashing their rain down upon the world. In mere seconds they were drenched through, staring dumbfounded up at the sky before meeting each others gaze. Dropping the remaining flowers he laced their fingers together, both of them breaking into a sprint as they went further into the alley, trying and failing not to smile as they searched for cover. Spotting a small bridge connecting two roofs above them, they quickly took shelter underneath, their heavy breaths caused by far more than the short run.

Their elven eyes shown bright in the shadowed space, gleaming as if they were gemstones, locked on the other with unbridled wildness. Cam'helin was the first to laugh, so rich and boisterous that she couldn't help but join, hers softer but no less joyous. In a seemingly effortless motion he gripped her hips and lifted her, spinning them around as they giggled like lovesick youths who had snuck away from the prying eyes of their disapproving parents.

With his ebony hair wet and loose, wide smile crinkling the corners of his eyes, and his dimples on full display, he looked like happiness made flesh. Never before had she found him so stunning, and he was of much the same mind. She was lit up like an evening star in winter, the smile that was beginning to feel so familiar making her look far younger than she was. Molten gold eyes never strayed from him, soaking in his unashamed bliss.

He didn't put her down immediately, instead choosing to settle her against him and let her brace her arms on his chest. Eyes the color of deep forest moss studied the contours of her face, and by the intent way his gaze traveled she briefly thought he was tracing her _vallaslin_ , until she remembered she no longer had it.

Not once had he ever asked her where it was. He didn't express any interest in who it may have honored, if the blood writing had matched her eyes, nothing. Perhaps he'd heard stories about the Dread Wolf and his abilities and simply assumed, perhaps he believed she never received it in the first place, perhaps he didn't know about _vallaslin_ , or perhaps he simply didn't care.

It was surprising how much peace that last thought brought her.

Her feet had scarcely settled on the ground before his hands were cupping her jaw, pulling her into a gentle kiss that had her knees nearly buckling beneath her. Chest brushing hers, he slowly led her backward until she felt brick scrape her back, not ceasing his advance until he was firmly nestled against her form. One hand moving to brace above her head, she barely managed to contain her gasp at the feeling of him molding himself to her, as if trying to sink into her skin.

Despite seemingly having control of their current actions, Cam'helin was all but preening under her touch, a shiver coursing through him when she traced the sharp points of his ears. Hands moving to caress the sides of his neck, she could feel the hash thump of his pulse and his unsteady breath, both spurring her to catch his bottom lip between her teeth. A moan, heady and chest-deep, was pulled from him when she took it between her lips and gently sucked, dragging the tip of her tongue along the sensitive skin.

"Andraste's hairy ass, I may vomit."

They tensed, both breaking away from each other and twisting toward the voice, ice popping in the air around them as Kida summoned her magic. What she wasn't expecting was for Cam'helin to place himself protectively beside her, sticking unusually close and halfway hiding her from view. She didn't have time to dwell on the odd behavior however, quickly recognizing the brash, sardonic tone of the person.

"Getting off in a back alley, I thought you two had more class." They openly sneered beneath their hood. "Especially you, Pretty Boy, but I guess I was wrong. The flowers are a decent touch though."

"Yeros." They intoned in unison, Cam'helin letting out a quiet, relieved sigh as they both relaxed.

It was indeed Yeros, standing just under the bridge with her arms tightly crossed and looking exceptionally irritated.

_'It must be the rain,'_ Kida thought, remembering the distain every fire mage she'd met had for it, stepping forward as the young women opened her mouth.

"I hate this fucking rain," she muttered, confirming Kida's suspicions, before fixing them with a knowing smirk. "So. . . Who fussed up first? It was disgusting watching you dance around each other."

Deciding she didn't want to know just how long she'd noticed before they did, Kida spoke first, slipping into the cool professionalism of the Inquisitor. "You are late. Did something happen?"

Her smirk was fleeting, twisting back into a grimace as she reached up to flip back her hood, flicking her fingers distastefully at the water. Her silver hair gleamed even in the low light, slicked flat against her skull from the rain.

"There was a change of plans," she explained, tousling her hair in attempt to dry it. "The meeting place wasn't secure, I had to wait for Ahearn to mark the new map." She bared her teeth. "Bitchy elf, got snappy when Farren touched his staff."

Kida bit her lip to hide her smirk, whereas Cam'helin chuckled, shaking his head fondly.

"And here I thought you two might get along." He sighed disappointedly, gaze shimmering with mirth as he playfully narrowed his eyes. Underneath the teasing however, she couldn't help but notice he seemed relieved.

Yeros bristled, glaring at him as if he'd just suggested she dawn a gown and dance with the Magister's of the Imperium. Her lips parted, ready to start up their usual banter, but Kida moved between them and gestured toward the spitfire. As much as she enjoyed watching Cam'helin tease her, time was not on their side.

"May I have the map? We should not dawdle."

With a huff she obeyed, digging around in her cloak for the parchment and handing it to her. Kida was quick to study it, feeling Cam'helin's cool presence brush her back as he scanned over her shoulder. It seemed the Hero of Ferelden wished to meet them at a warehouse on the docks, not far from where they currently were. If all went well, they would have a new ally, possibly more.

Kida couldn't help the spark of curiosity, bordering on excitement, she felt at the prospect of meeting Ahearn's sister, Mune Mahariel. She'd admired them both when she was younger, nearly making a fool of herself upon meeting Ahearn, and that admiration had helped keep her going at times during her fight against Corypheus. Never had she had the chance nor the pleasure of meeting the Hero of Ferelden, until now.

Folding the map and holding it out to the spitfire, she raised a brow, "I'll let you lead the way. You know these streets better than either of us."

"Glad to know my navigation skills are appreciated." Yeros scowled, snatching the parchment and yanking her hood back up. "Hurry up! I don't want to be out here any more then I have to be."

Kida and Cam'helin followed suit with mild amusement, falling in step behind her as she continued to grumble. Despite her sour attitude, Kida couldn't help but notice the slight bounce to her step that wasn't there the last time they met. The young woman was naturally full of energy and fire, but this was different than her usual confident, challenging stride. Catching sight of a vaguely familiar bracelet that was definitely _not_ hers, the ice mage smiled faintly.

_'Ah, so_ they _are the cause of her unusual happiness.'_

At the thought of causes of happiness, she glanced at Cam'helin walking next to her, only to find him already watching her. He made no move to hide his staring when she noticed, a dazzling smile lighting his face, one that only made her own grow. Feeling fingers brush her pinky she acted instinctively, reaching out and clasping his hand. Dimples flashing he moved a step closer to her as they walked, lacing their fingers tightly together.

This was something they discovered they both found enjoyable, holding hands. It was simple contact, yet somehow so intimate. Often when they walked they would link their fingers together in a gentle embrace, an easy way to touch while moving. A physical reminder of there others presence.

And as they flitted from shadow to shadow, moving ever closer to the end of their mission, Kida found comfort in the cool reassurance of his touch.


	9. Last Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Month 13.

The stars were bright against the backdrop of night, white diamonds glittering against black velvet. Truly, a sight to make anyone wish to reach up and pluck the gems from the sky, to take them as their own. It was enchanting, and it did wonders for Kida Lavellan's restless thoughts.

Tactics, innocent lives, the probability of survival, all things that weighed on the mind the night before battle. It was more difficult for her, being the Inquisitor and having known the Dread- Solas in the past, but she was determined to go onto the field tomorrow with a clear mind. She would stop him, show him a better way, and do everything she could to keep him from destroying the world and himself.

In the past she would have been unsure of her ability to lead this charge, to face Solas on the battlefield not as her ally, but as someone against her. In the present however, she found herself strangely at peace. It would be far from easy, she knew that, but she felt the strength to see this through. Cool and calming as a drink of water on a sweltering day, thick in her veins. And she knew the cause.

Cam'helin. Compassionate, steady, reliable Cam'helin. Ever since she arrived in Tevinter he had been there, observant and uplifting, refusing to let her close herself away in bitterness and anger. He'd offered her a hand, and she had taken it. His unwavering kindness had brought her back from the edge of a dangerous precipice, one built on doubt and resentment that threatened to destroy the foundation of who she was. He'd laughed with her, teased her, cared for her, and showed her that she could love again.

He reminded her of who she had been, and showed her that it was possible to hold onto it. Now all she wished for was to find some way to repay him for it.

A soft knock on the door of her chambers caused her to reflexively tense, turning to the side as the slight squeak of hinges followed moments later. Frost coiled down her metal arm, but she calmed at the familiar voice that called out, an airy softness coating the accented baritone.

"Kida?"

A faint smile touched her mouth at the sound of her name on his lips. "On the balcony."

His footsteps were silent on the stone floor, as always, but nevertheless she felt his presence before she saw him. Pausing under the arch that connected her chambers to the balcony, he brightened at the sight of her, his previously troubled expression pulling into one of soft happiness. Her chest squeezed upon seeing his reaction, and without hesitation she held out a hand in invitation. He seemed uncomfortable, not from being in her presence, but from his thoughts, and she didn't bother to contain her want to ease whatever his worries were.

He wasted no time in stepping forward, reaching out and clasping her fingers as if pulled by some invisible force. Leaning down he briefly touched his forehead to hers, a gentle hand settling on her waist as he moved to press a kiss to the crown of her head. A soft sigh rustled her snow white hair.

"I missed you."

A simple admission, but it pulled an amused huff from her. "It has only been half a day."

"I'm aware," he murmured, allowing her to turn toward the railing before settling against her back and joining her in gazing at the stars. "I still missed you."

"As did I."

For a long while they stayed like that, basking in the natural beauty above them and in the simple intimacy of being close. Unconsciously Kida traced her fingertips over his hand, following every scar and vein, the shape of his long fingers, lean with a supple strength. With one hand he idly drew swirling shapes on her hip, following an invisible pattern all the way to her ribs and then down again. To think, when they first met such contact would have made her squirm, but now, just over a year later she found herself content enough to stay for hours.

"Stargazing has always been a hobby of mine," he said quietly, breathing deeply and tightening his hold on her by a fraction. "They are breathtaking anywhere, but nothing can compare to seeing them on the open sea."

"I understand what you mean." She agreed, remembering the short time she had spent on different ships. Her experience with a life at sea didn't hold a candle to his, but even she'd seen the undeniable beauty of the stars reflecting on the sea. Sailing was something she loathed with a passion, but seeing those bright lights shining endlessly in all directions lessened her distaste, if only by a little.

The moment was peaceful, but his tenseness tugged at her, setting her nerves alight until she gave in.

"You are worried, what about?" She finally asked, turning in his embrace and smoothing her hands down the length of his arms in what she hoped was a soothing manner. Whatever made him seem so uncomfortable, she wanted to help fix it.

He watched her, studying her features, as if she were something wondrous he would only see once. A smile touched his lips, seemingly remembering how transparent he was, before he slid his palms from her waist to hold her hips.

"I'm worried about tomorrow." He admitted, expression morphing into confliction and something she'd never seen him wear.

Fear. Potent, clouding his eyes and making him swallow audibly.

"There's no guarantee that you will succeed," he continued, "I worry for everyone, but mostly just for you. You could be killed and I-"

Abruptly he cut himself off, eyes darting away and onto everything that wasn't her face. Seeing the teary sheen they held she straightened, caught off guard. She'd seen him cry before, he was, after all, a sympathy crier and in possession of a bleeding heart. But never, in the past year they had known each other, had she been the cause of those tears.

Reaching up she cupped his face, waiting until he slowly met her steady gaze. Pain lanced through her when a tear rolled down his cheek and she quickly swiped it away, letting him lean heavily into her touch. Weaving the fingers of her flesh hand into his hair she began to stroke it, lending him whatever comfort she knew how to give as he focused on controlling his breathing. She hated seeing him like this and knowing that she was the cause of it, but she planned on doing everything she could to either assure him or distract him. Or both.

"Cam'helin," she said when the tense line of his shoulders relaxed, conviction in her tone. "I won't die, neither of us will. We will make it through this."

He gave a hollow chuckle, "I wish I had your surety."

"I never thought I would see the day you, an eternal ray of positivity and sunshine, would need to be reassured by _me_." She said dryly, lips quirking up in a wry smirk.

That had the effect she wanted. It pulled a short laugh from him, and she let her smirk turn into a genuine smile as he watched her with such gentle fondness. She didn't think she would ever get used to that expression being directed at her, even if she spent the rest of her life seeing it.

The idea sent a pleasant warmth flooding through her.

But despite everything, a darkness loomed on the edges of her mind, past memories inky black and haunting. There were things she hadn't shared with him, things that she feared to talk about, things that made her believe that, if she confessed them, it would drive him away from her. However, she trusted him completely, and for the first time she wanted to share the causes of her cracked heart. There were things he deserved to know, that she should have told him sooner, and it was also a way to distract him from his fretting.

Inhaling deeply, she nodded toward her chambers. "Come with me?"

"Anywhere." His surprised blink showed that he didn't mean to say the word aloud, but he showed no sign of regret.

Trying to ignore the skip her pulse gave, she took him by the hand and led him inside. Hesitation took her for a brief moment when they crossed under the arch, feeling his curious gaze following her, causing her to quickly stride toward the couch. As he sat next to her she worked at relaxing her taunt posture, back rod straight with tension despite her confidence in her decision.

Well. No one has ever claimed opening up about painful things in your past you've never told anyone would be easy.

The feeling of cool fingertips caressing the back of her hand brought her back to the present, turning to see Cam'helin with a reassuring smile.

"Breathe, take as long as you need."

She couldn't help the pinched expression she pulled. Here she was, trying to distract him in her own way, but he was pushing back his emotions to try and help her calm. She would forever be endlessly grateful for his patience and kindness, but she wouldn't have him do that to himself.

Reaching out, she caught his hand between hers, encasing it and holding his gaze. Quietly she spoke, "Please, do not force back what you're feeling simply because I do not seem comfortable."

A gentle squeeze to her fingers. "Of course, you're right."

"There are things I want to tell you about my past," she continued as she shifted closer until their knees touched. "I'm ready now, and you need to know."

His only response was to tuck a stray hair behind her ear, moss green eyes trained on her with the intensity and focus she only saw on him when he was spying. It was plenty enough to spur her forward.

"I was not always like this."

"Like what?"

"Cold. Irritable."

"Nonsense! Kida, you are the farthest thing from cold!" He immediately protested, looking positively flabbergasted that she'd ever think that. Her lips quirked up in a dry little smile.

"When I first joined the Inquisition I was closed off and distrustful," she began, voice far steadier than she believed it would be. "And for good reason. I was a prisoner first, far away from my clan and anything familiar, surrounded by humans and people who viewed magic in a bad light. Once I relaxed and began to trust however, I was quite pleasant company, friendly. I even managed to charm a few Orlesian nobles." A wry smile faintly touched her lips, but was quickly replaced with a frown. "I met Solas there. He was kind to me, even when our perspectives clashed, and it wasn't long before I was. . . enamored. Enchanted. We were not lovers for long, but we loved and it was the first time in my life I ever cared for someone that way."

Swallowing thickly she dropped her gaze to his chest, preparing herself and taking comfort in the tightening of his grip on her flesh hand. "When he left it felt as though he ripped my heart out. I felt as cold as my magic and it was not long before I started to close myself off, hiding my emotions more than I ever had. The two years after the defeat of Corypheus and then the Exalted Council did me no favors. I had shut out my friends and suppressed anything inside me that wasn't the cool, levelheaded precision of the Inquisitor or plain irritation."

She let her eyes slip closed at the feeling of his thumb ghosting over the side of her neck. "When I discovered he was Fen'Harel I was furious with myself for not putting it together sooner. There were so many inconsistencies, little things that added up to large glaring holes, and I _never suspected anything_. When I finally found him I was not angry at him, only heartbroken that he hadn't trusted me." The grove flashed through her mind. "I think he wanted to, for a moment. But he didn't. And I was left kneeling with half my arm burned away from the Anchor and a vow on my lips. To stop him from ripping the world as we know it asunder, to help him find a better way, to do everything in my power to keep him from destroying himself."

Steeling herself, she met his eyes, "I never thought I would be able to care for someone again, not after what he did. I had willingly resigned myself to it, believing that he held my heart and that it would always be so. Until I met you."

Cam'helin straightened, the acceptance and attentiveness in his expression giving way to bare surprise. Taking hold of both of his hands, she turned them and slowly traced the lines on his palms, gaze never straying from his.

"You are kind to me, even in the beginning when I was short with you. You showed me how to trust again, what it felt like to have a friend and companion, someone I could rely on. I had forgotten what it was like to be able to confide in someone and not instantly feel regret." A flush was beginning to crawl up her neck, but she refused to let it detour her. "It took me longer than I want to admit to realize how much I've grown to care for you."

By now the man across from her was a dark shade of red, flushed from the tips of his ears to the open neck of his casual tunic. She felt a flash of pride at the expression of wonder he wore, despite his flustered state. Shifting forward until they were close enough to breathe the same air, she loosely draped her legs around his waist and cupped his face in her hands.

"You have helped me in countless ways, and that is how I know we will not die." She spoke seriously, leaning closer to him until she felt his arms curl around her back. Her next words were barely above a whisper. "I cannot, when I have this to return to."

With a quick flex of his arms she was pulled fully into his lap and flush against him, his mouth catching hers in what was by far the most achingly sweet kiss they had ever shared. He held her as if she were more precious to him than anything, and she put everything she'd just said and felt into the movement of her lips. Only when they needed air did they part, Cam'helin moving to nuzzle the side of her neck.

"Thank you." He whispered, voice muffled against her skin. A breathy sigh was her only response, focusing on the silky texture of his hair beneath her fingers and the strong beat of his heart felt on her chest. Once again he had proven that her fears of rejection and abandonment were unfounded, as he would no doubt continue to do until she no longer felt them.

"What do you plan to do after this war?" His question made her pause, giving him time to pull back enough to look up at her, gaze searching and somewhat. . . nervous?

It was a justified query, one he had a right to be curious about, but she didn't understand why he seemed nervous to ask. Aside from that, she'd been so caught up in working toward a way to stop the chaos, she hadn't thought of an 'after.' Ideas and images flashed wildly through her mind, and for a long moment she was silent, studying the modest embroidery on his tunic, trying to find a way to word what she wished for.

"If all is resolved peacefully, I want to leave." She said firmly, meeting his gaze and holding it. For so long this had been her life, but she never lost sight of what she truly wanted inside. With a sigh she continued, "Cam'helin. . . I'm tired. I am so tired. Of war, of heartache, of being hated for things I cannot change, of never being enough to stop it all." Leaning back, she trusted him to brace her with his hands as she coiled a strand of his hair around her finger. "I have devoted myself to this cause, to being the Inquisitor and being a leader. It was not something I truly wanted at first, but I didn't have a choice. After this battle, I will leave and I will not come back." Memories of everything she'd lost flashed through her mind. Her clan, her innocence, her arm, her first love. "This world has taken enough from me."

He was such a compassionate man, she almost expected him to see her decision as selfish, to try and talk her out of it, like she was sure everyone else would do if they knew. But when she looked up that was not what she found. Pride and admiration shined in his eyes, soft smile heavily clouded with wonder. With one hand still braced against the small of her back, he captured her flesh hand and brought it up, holding it to his cheek and leaning into it.

"You'll never cease to amaze me, will you? All this time serving others, and you still have sight of who you truly are." He pressed his lips to her palm, green eyes sparkling. "It sounds like a wonderful plan, you deserve peace."

_'How does he. . . do that?'_ She thought, wondering if she was that transparent or if it was simply his way. It had to have been him, there'd only been one other who was able to understand her so well.

"I almost expected you to disagree with me," she admitted, bristling slightly from her own embarrassment.

"It's my caring nature, isn't it?" He asked, a teasing glint flashing in his gaze before fading. "Why would I, really? I care for you and all I want is your happiness. Being the Inquisitor, having this much weight on your shoulders, it is not healthy."

The question that burned on her tongue at his answer felt heavy and doubt-inducing, causing her to hesitate. Her thoughts played against her, a nervous anxiety making her breathing hitch in her lungs. Upon seeing him tilt his head curiously she blinked rapidly, forcing the words past her lips.

"Would you be willing to. . . come with me?"

Surprise flickered across his expression, lips parting as he quickly scanned her face. He took a second too long, just enough to make her wish she'd never asked and begin to curl in on herself, before a dazzling smile curved his mouth. Dimples flashing, he moved her hand from his cheek to rest over his heart.

"I'd love to, yes." His tone was warm, gentle, face alight with happiness as he leaned up to touch his forehead to hers. "Nothing would make me happier."

Immediately she relaxed, tension flooding from her in the form of a breathless laugh. Nudging his nose with hers she captured his mouth in a kiss, trailing her metal fingers over the curve of his cheek and down his neck, letting them settle with her other hand over his heart. A moment later she pulled away, sighing softly and looking at him with a smile.

He wore joy like a child, unbridled and pure, freely expressed and unashamed. His smile made him look younger, the dimples and the crinkling of his eyes a glimpse at the man he was in his early youth, and still was today. Seeing him like this, admitting that he wanted a future with her, the utter adoration in his gaze, made her glow with euphoria.

"I love you."

Her heart stopped at hearing those words, spoken with such conviction, and she felt his own heart skip and begin to flutter under her hands once he realized what he confessed. Wide-eyed and mouth agape she stared at him, searching for the slightest hint of doubt or regret in his moss green gaze. She only found brief panic and then clear determination, the very same he wore when he told her that he cared for her all those months ago.

Feeling him shift beneath her, she gripped his shoulders in protest when he unhooked her legs from around his waist. With a gentle smile and the soothing stroke of his hands over hers he calmed her, sliding out from underneath her.

"This isn't how I planned to do this." He admitted as he kneeled in front of her, tone tinged with regret, but she only vaguely noticed.

_'Planned!?"_

"You anchor me." Cam'helin began softly, bringing her hands to hold between them, keeping his eyes trained on her fingers. "For as long as I can remember I've drifted through my life, staying in places and then moving on. Everywhere I went, from Tevinter to the open seas to Antiva, nothing ever felt like it could be home. My entire life I have searched for a place I felt I belonged, but I never found it. Until I met you."

He spoke with such care and raw devotion that she had no room in her mind for doubt. And when he raised his head to look at her, he did so as if there were something in her worth looking at. As if she were everything.

"For the first time I felt needed, wanted, and welcome. I wasn't simply a pretty face or a tool, but a companion and a friend." Cool lips pressed to the back of her hands, eyes refusing to stray from hers, shimmering with barely bridled emotion. "You have become my home. I love you. _Ar lath ma._ Kida'gakash, _amatus._ I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow, but I need you to know that."

Silence reigned over them for a long moment, her mind and emotions racing and twisting so quickly from his words that she was left reeling. Hesitation, fear, excitement, joy, all ran ramped with her jumbled thoughts, but one rose above all of the others.

Relief.

_'I thought he would make me say it first.'_

With that thought she lurched forward, Cam'helin rising to his feet just in time to brace himself for the impact. A surprised grunt and a few stumbled steps later he held her securely against his form, Kida gripping the front of his shirt and pulling him down.

"I love you." Whispered before she kissed him, breathed into his mouth a second time as she parted her lips. A third, murmured into the skin of his neck, pulse thrumming against her cheek. Countless more times it was said, pulled from both of them, in the form of breathy sighs and stuttered moans as they moved backward until he was pressed to the cold stone of the wall.

Unshed tears of happiness blurred their vision, gasping laughs following wondering hands as they worked to rid themselves of each others shirts. Once bare they slowed, fingers dancing across exposed skin as they traced the familiar paths that brought the other pleasure. His hands found her backside when she pressed an open-mouthed kiss to the pulse on his neck, her fingers twining into his hair and giving a firm tug. A deep moan left his chest, grip tightening as he took hold of her thighs and lifted her into his arms. A wanting ache shot through her at the action, settling low in her gut when he pulled her flush against him.

The next few moments were a haze of unsteady steps and cool skin, the rustling of clothing as they fumbled with belts and carelessly dropped their remaining clothes. Cam'helin somehow managed to remotely keep his balance when his legs hit the edge of the bed, giving him enough time to grab her arms and pull her down with him. A surprised laugh bubbled past her lips as they landed, joined by his own when she scrambled to settle more comfortably above him. They shared a shiver when she rolled her hips against his, his back arching into her touch as she trailed her metal fingertips over his abdomen.

Liquid golden eyes watched as he reached out to knead her thighs in an attempt to anchor himself, lips parting as he closed his eyes in bliss. Hair splayed in a dark halo around his head, olive skin flushed with warmth, and laying on the backdrop of rich emerald cloth, he resembled a painting. Perhaps even a moral, one from anceint Arlathan, representing the beauty of intimacy and the raw sense of pleasure.

He was gorgeous.

"Cam'helin. . ."

" _Anything_." He breathed with reverence, gazing up at her with half-lidded eyes, dark with desire. "Anything you want, I will give it to you."

"Only you." She whispered, leaning down and resting her forehead on his as she threaded her fingers into his hair, pulling a moan past his lips. "I only want you."

"I am yours, always."

"And I am yours."

Affection and love stole the air from her lungs, frost crawling up her spine at the unexpected bout of emotion. She pushed back against her more primal urges, even as they flared high, with the intent of taking as much time from tonight as possible.

A curious thought entered her mind when she caught sight of something silver on the nightstand. Reaching out she snatched it, pressing her mouth warmly to his before straightening above him, biting back a smile at the noise of protest he made. Raising her hand she held the silk hair ribbon loosely in her palm, the fabric glinting in the low light, and tilted her head in question.

A dark red tinged the tips of his ears even as he bit his lip against a smirk, breath hitching when he realized what she asked. Eyes the color of deep forest moss darted from her hand to her face, following all the way down to where the ribbons end brushed his ribs. With a pleased him he settled more comfortably against her pillows, stretching his arms above his head in a languid manner. Twisting his hips just so, enough to accent the lithe muscle of his dancers form, he looked up at her through his lashes.

"Yes." A simple response to a silent question, one that shouldn't have made her blush so readily. Yet combined with his soft tone and the warm confidence he wore, it was more than what was needed to make a pink flush spread from her cheeks to her shoulders.

Callused palms caressed her form as she shifted forward, careful in their touch and pulling away only after he'd gently cupped her face. A slight feeling of regret ran through her at the absence of his hands, but it was quickly washed away in anticipation of what was to come.

Silently and more than willing he let her wrap the silk around his wrists and tie them to the headboard, the ribbon knotted only tight enough to hold him. By the design of the wood, vines weaving charmingly together but leaving one bare, she was inclined to believe that it was made for the very thing they were using it for. Briefly she wondered if all rooms had a headboard like this one, but the thought fled as quick as it came.

Once she finished the knot, Cam'helin gave it an experimental tug before wrapping his fingers around the conveniently carved vine. As she braced her hands on his chest and settled her hips down onto his, the action pulling a moan from both of them, he locked his gaze on her face.

Snow white hair hung loose around her shoulders, as long as it's ever been, framing her flushed expression. Teeth tugged at her bottom lip, bruised red from their shared kisses, and golden eyes glowed with barely restrained passion. A faint shiver ran through her when he arched his spine and gave the ribbon a tug, flesh fingers trailing up his torso to trace his jaw. Chest rising with chipped breaths she rolled her hips again, achingly slow, yet the perfect pace for their position.

Seeing him watch her with growing awe, such blinding admiration, did downright sinful things to her mind and body.

And then he smiled at her, far more bright and brilliant than any star.

With him like this beneath her, she took back what she thought all those months ago. The man knew very well how attractive he was, and exactly how to use it.

She kissed him, because what else could she do?

Again and again they sought after pleasure, to give and receive in equal measure. Cool skin pressed as close as possible, fingers twined together as nails drew lines across backs taunt with flexed muscle, hair tugged until shuttered moans reached the ceiling. Grounding hands on hips, gasped names that were quickly swallowed by claiming mouths, the pop of ice in the air and the cold kiss of magic made snowflakes touching their entangled forms.

High were the moons when she finally untied his wrists, and they rose higher still before they were both sated.

While the blankets were cast to the foot of the bed in protest to Tevinter's heat, they were not detoured from holding each other. Being both ice mages, they held little fear of succumbing to the warmth of the night while bare.

Kida basked in the feeling of his fingers tracing her spine, idly drawing circles on the nape of his neck and feeling rather boneless. With her leg draped over his waist, she was pressed quite close to him, and was not shy in the way she stared. Intent on memorizing his every feature, from the beauty mark at the corner of his eyebrow, to the almost unnoticeable scar high on his collarbone.

Cam'helin studied her as well, laying with his head propped in his palm, a soft smile curving his lips. Ebony hair messed and hanging loosely to the side, it was reminiscent to black diamonds, shining in the low candlelight and giving him a dreamlike air. A certain haze clouded his eyes, caused by the afterglow he possessed after nights like these.

In her own mildly dazed state, she wasn't expecting him to suddenly smile wide, nor lean forward to gently capture her mouth with his. The action effectively pulled a surprised laugh from her, a smile slipping across her face and disrupting his kiss.

"Shh," he protested, drawing her ever closer with a faux huff. "I'm trying to be romantic."

Biting her lip she worked to suppress her laughter, curling an arm around his back as he slowly began to press adoring kisses to her neck and shoulder. With a content sigh she tilted her head back, exposing more of her neck to him as she stroked his hair.

"I love you." He murmured into the hollow of her throat. Hearing those words again, undoubting in their sincerity, caused her heart to rise, and with it also rose a question.

"For how long?"

Pulling back and meeting her searching gaze, he blinked before giving her a gentle smile. Tucking a loose lock of hair behind her ear, he spoke, "I have always thought you were lovely, Kida, aside from your strength it was the first thing I noticed."

She nearly snorted at that, remembering distinctly that she'd been a week without a bath and her metal arm had been drenched in blood when they met.

"The moment I fell for you however," he continued, not at all shy in the affectionate way he looked at her, "Most would call me a fool, but there was no fight I could put up after I made you laugh for the first time. I was lost in the melody of it, and was in no want of a guide out."

Breath catching in her lungs at his honesty, she couldn't find it in herself to even remotely tease him for waxing poetry. A light flush dusted her cheeks instead, gazing at him with a faint smile that he met readily.

"And you?" He asked, giving her waist a squeeze. "I shared, so you have to as well."

"Oh." A soft reflection of the word, but for once she was far from against sharing something so intimate. Smile widening, she admitted, "I only realized when I saw you dancing with those children, but I've learned it was far sooner. Most likely around the time we danced together at that inn. You seemed so freely yourself, it was refreshing and stunning all at once."

Heat bloomed across his cheekbones and the tips of his ears at her words, and moments later she matched him. With a soft chuckle he rested his forehead against hers, gently nudging her nose, before glancing over her shoulder toward the balcony. Giving a tired sigh that seemed to have more with the late hour and less with his own exhaustion, he caught one of her hands. Bringing it up between them, he placed his lips to the back of it and gave her a little smile.

"Tomorrow will be difficult for both of us," he uttered in a low voice, a tinge of something similar to dread to his tone. "We should sleep while we can."

Suddenly all too aware of her own weariness, Kida simply nodded. Feeling his hand move to cradle her head and the other lock around her back, she let him tuck her against his chest. As he settled his chin on the crown of her head she tangled her free leg with his.

When her mind danced on the edge of the Fade, his voice echoed in her ears.

"I love you, more than anything, beyond words. Always remember that, no matter what comes."


	10. Truth and Confrontation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Month 13, one day after chapter nine.

Thick black clouds darkened the sky, chunks of earth and stone swathed in fire falling from their inky depths and shaking the ground with their impact. The sound of steel clashing and spells crackling assaulted her ears from all sides, screams of death and battle cries roaring almost as loud as the dragon overhead. Green lightening lashed the sky, crackling in horrifying arcs above a hill in the distance.

Her destination.

Face twisted into a grimace and raw determination burning bright in her eyes, Kida tore across the battlefield, leaving footprints of frost in her wake. Shielded by icy energy, she paid little mind to the enemies she passed, letting her magic lash out at any who tried to stand in her way or pursue her. While her gauntlet was prepared and thrumming with lyrium, and she could easily use her magic lethally, she instead chose to block, sometimes stun. It was not something she was adeptly trained in, having always favored offensive magic, but she knew enough to be able to push forward with quick movements and precise footwork.

She knew enough to avoid what she believed to be unnecessary bloodshed.

A large stone embedded itself in the earth mere feet behind her, knocking her off balance and causing her to stumble. A jolt of fear ran up her spine at the feeling of hot air gusting over her back. Not for herself, but for someone she hadn't seen since the night before. Unbidden, images of intelligent, gentle, moss green eyes flashed through her mind.

Cam'helin had been gone when she woke, the place where he had slept cold, the shape of his form on her bed and her memories the only sign he'd been there at all. It shouldn't have been so concerning, it wasn't as though he hadn't done such things before, being the ridiculously early riser he was. More often than not he would be preparing breakfast or off searching for healing herbs, leaving her with a squeeze and a soft kiss to her forehead.

Except this time he hadn't. There was no kiss or touch, she didn't even feel the bed shift or the door close. What's more, there had been no sign of him since then. Being so close to him and being the Inquisitor, she couldn't remember a single time when she wasn't aware of where he was, and the thought of him being on this battlefield, away from her sight, sent waves of worry rushing through her.

Kida Lavellan was not a clingy woman, but fiercely protective, and Cam'helin was a strong man, capable of surviving alone. Alas, that did not keep her from unconsciously searching the field for his signature armor, rich chocolate brown highlighted with dark green and black.

Gritting her teeth in a sneer she shook her head, willing herself to lock away her emotions and focus. She needed to reach that hill and hopefully find Yeros in the process, for that took priority, no matter what else weighed her mind.

So she pressed on, deflecting rogue spells and arrows with ice, scanning the field with sharp eyes for a head of wild silver hair. It was a futile feat however, as the spitfire was nowhere in sight, and Kida reached the base of the hill with what felt like time to spare.

Panting from her dead sprint, she paused to catch her breath and to study the sky above the top. Frost thickly coated her arms as she watched the dark clouds swirl unnaturally, green lightening crackling and seeming to thrum through her bones, stronger than ever but still achingly familiar. No matter how many years passed, she would be able to recognize that magic in a heartbeat.

_'Solas. . . So this is what it has come to.'_

Regret and grief ripped through her like a knife to the heart, hot and cold, twisting and painful. But she hadn't given up, there was still a chance.

Distracted, she didn't sense the wayward stone flying toward her, and thus couldn't block it or dodge. White hot pain erupted through her skull where it struck the back of her head, her vision blurring as she stumbled from the impact and fell to her knees with a strangled shout. Clutching her head in attempt to ward off the ringing in her ears, she only vaguely heard the string of angry Tevene curses in the near distance.

"You're not dying here because of a fucking rock, get up!"

With a groan she tried to scramble to her feet, but the world spun and her fingers felt slick where she held her wound. Through wavering shadows, she was able to make out the silhouettes of Yeros and Ahearn Mahariel as they slid to a halt beside her.

_"Lethallan!"_

Without hesitation Ahearn reached out, palm glowing with cool blue light, and pressed his overly warm hand to the base of her skull. Too late did she realize what he was doing, the twisting sensation that healing magic held licking against her no doubt bloody and splintered skin. Anticipating her negative reaction, he firmly grabbed her arm to hold her still when she attempted to jerk away from him, an irritated warning in his piercing gaze.

His magic felt prickly, an unpleasant bite to it that had nothing to do with her aversion to healers. It felt as though it were naturally trying to eat at her skin, but was forced to mend it instead. One of the ingrained signs of a blood mage and the way the branch dug its teeth into other spells. An angry energy, meant to take and never to give.

It made her miss the gentle touch of Cam'helin's healing, as crisp as mountain water and fresh mint.

No matter her dislikes and squirming, she was grateful to him for helping her. Ahearn was the best healer she had ever met, able to mend wounds like no other, and the presence of his hand was gone before any real nausea could take root.

While the pain was gone, her vision was slower to return, but nevertheless she gave him a thankful look. Or at least she tried to, it held more resemblance to a grimace of distain. Seeming to understand her regardless he gave a nod, offering his arm to help her stand.

Once steadily standing on her own legs, she cast her gaze a few feet away to where Yeros stood, watching the battle unfold around them while bouncing a leg impatiently.

A set of silver and red leathers, finer than anything Kida had seen her wear before, hugged her form, leaving her scarred arms bare lest she burn the sleeves off. She lacked a helmet of any kind, her hair free and wilder than ever, streaked with blood and ash. Despite the armor clearly being fit for nothing but war it was flattering to her, in a dangerous sort of way, giving her an air of authority and power. The high collar somehow made her look poisonous, and the exhilarated smile she wore in the midst of chaos only amplified it.

It fit her well, far better than her old armor or the robes she wore at Dorian's ball. She was in her element.

Taking a step toward her and gesturing to the top of the hill, Kida called over the noise, "I've been looking for you. Fen'Harel is up there."

"How do you know?" Ahearn interjected, sounding dire as he crossed his arms and moved to stand beside the spitfire.

"Feel the magic?" Holding up her metal gauntlet, she curled the pointed tips and rotated her wrist. "I recognize it, it is his."

"That's good enough for me," Yeros gave a catlike grin as she cracked her knuckles, letting wisps of fire leap from her fingers in an almost playful manner. "Are you going up there alone?"

"That was my plan." Kida affirmed, wiping the sweat from her brow and sweeping her hair back. Tilting her head in question, she asked, "Unless you wish to join me?"

Grin replaced with a sharp version of a frown, she shook her head. "As much as I'd like to have a conversation with the bastard who caused all this, I am needed more down here." Worry pinched her brow, eyes tightening with something Kida never thought she would see on the young woman. Fear. "There's people I won't leave alone."

Understanding came to Kida immediately, causing her to nod. Despite her wording she knew that Yeros only spoke of one person and, though it had been brief, she had met them. In that little time she was able to see how much they meant to each other.

In a strange way Kida was proud, having watched her grow from being a fiery hothead who wished for nothing but revenge and to bloody her fists, to caring enough to lead a war. From rushing headlong into battle without a second thought, to staying behind to fight alongside someone she'd built a connection with. From being afraid of relying on others, to happily joining in on communal meals. She was still as brash and loud as ever, unapologetic and challenging, but she'd grown to control herself.

Ahearn raised a judgemental brow when Yeros spun on the spot and launched a fireball at an enemy she deemed to be too close, spitting a string of colorful insults.

Well. . . Mostly grown to control herself.

With an exhausted huff Ahearn rolled his shoulders and reached up to gather his hair, attempting to retie the tangled red curls back into a knot. Despite their current surroundings, the man looked nothing more than irritated and inconvenienced, glaring down at the grime coating his armor as if its existence was a personal offence to him. Kida knew him well enough however, and was aware of just how worried he truly was.

Feeling her gaze on him his head flicked up, expressive eyes fixing on her face. Ears twitching, he spoke, "I must find my sister and Morrigan."

Offering no other words, he finished tying his hair and straightened, striding purposefully away. The two women watched him go, Kida filling with brief amusement and Yeros huffing with a scowl.

"Haughty ass." She grumbled before throwing Kida an unexpectedly encouraging smile. Ignoring the pale woman's startled expression, she reached out to slap her shoulder. "Get up there and settle this shit. Don't die though, I've become a bit fond, Your Frostiness."

Raising a brow at the nickname, she watched the spitfire spin and take off in a dead sprint after Ahearn, looking far more excited at the prospect of fighting than anyone had a right to.

_'How is she still alive?'_ She thought, bewildered, before inhaling deeply to anchor herself. Turning to gaze up at the hill, she slowly felt a confident determination fill her. She knew what awaited her at the top, _who_ awaited her, and even though she offered Yeros the chance to accompany her, had planned from the beginning to face it alone. It would be difficult, not only because of what he planned to do, but also because of who he was to her. But where wariness, perhaps even a strange type of fear, would have taken her, she now felt a resolute sense of peace.

It would be a terrible lie to claim that she no longer loved him. No matter how many years passed or what he did, she would always hold a love for Solas. He had left his mark on her, had held her heart so carefully and then shattered it, and for so long she'd believed he would be the only one she would ever love.

As the years passed she had grown cold and distant, never once believing that she could be loved again, for who would care for her when she was not enough to make him stay? Who would care for her when she was broken and battle worn from fighting wars and then the people she fought to protect? She believed the answer was no one, for never once in her life had she been enough.

But then there was Cam'helin. An open man, who never gave her the faintest feeling that he believed her inferior or unwanted. Who showed her how to live again after the title of Inquisitor had worn its ways into her soul, who so effortlessly made it seem as if she were enough until she believed him.

No longer did Solas hold her heart in his hands, for it was held by a gentle soul, one she held no fear of facing on the other side of battle.

Cam'helin, who loved her without reservation, as if she were something pure and untainted. And she loved him as well, oh how she did, trusted and loved with everything she had.

With those thoughts she began her climb, feet steady and sure in their duty of carrying her, and reached the top far quicker than she anticipated.

For all the wind below, the air was unnaturally still at the crest, the silence eerie compared to the fight raging beneath. Stones of numerous sizes hung suspended in the air, spinning listlessly yet refusing to drift. The taste of old magic was thick, pressing heavily on her shoulders, setting her senses alight and her magic spiraling around her. While the green lightening laced through the clouds above, almost worryingly close, the thundering cracks that rang out sounded as though she were hearing them from underwater.

And on the other side of the hill stood a tall figure, clad in fur and golden armor, looking akin to a statue as they watched the madness below.

"Solas."

Slowly turning, he met her tight gaze with one of sad, resigned acceptance. "So, you've found me at last." His voice, exhausted and anceint, seemed to echo, making the hair on her neck prickle. "I suspect you have questions."

Whatever she planned on saying died in her throat, mouth dry as she studied him. Aside from the prominent weariness lining his eyes and dulling their natural shine, he was the same as he was two years ago. His stance, the armor he wore, the way he looked at her, all the same, as if no time had passed at all. As if nothing had changed.

Swallowing harshly, she furrowed her brows and tired again.

"Solas, it does not have to go any further than this." Taking a step forward, she filled her tone with confidence and reason. "There is still time to stop this."

The smile he gave her was full of affection, pride, and pain, so much so that she nearly flinched at the throb her chest gave. "It is too late for that, _Vhenan._ What I have set in motion cannot be undone."

"No, there i-" She lurched another step closer, frost spiraling down her arms and around her torso as she tried to implore sense to him. But she cut herself off at the sight of a lithe form cresting the hill on her left, their stride slowing as they reached the top.

Leather armor, pitch black highlighted with vibrant crimson, melded against their body as if it were a second skin. Buckles of pale gold gleamed in the green light above, and while a hood and featureless mask hid their face from view, it was obvious from their build that they were male.

His walk was slow and silent, deliberate and sure in his every step, yet she was able to note a hesitance. Finally he came to a halt, an equal amount of distance on either side between him and the two of them. Chest rising with a silent breath, he angled his head toward her by a fraction, tilting it in a strikingly familiar manner.

Kida felt her blood freeze.

It didn't matter that she couldn't see even an inch of his skin or that the set of armor seemed so terribly _wrong_ on him. It didn't matter that the low light shrouded him in shadows, nor did it matter that he stood with such tenseness that it seemed as though his spine would snap at the slightest bend.

It didn't matter. . .

Because she knew the set of those shoulders, the silent strength in them even as they coiled tightly. She knew that stance, spine straight yet not so much that it looked as though he thought himself superior. The tilt of his head, always done with amusement and curiosity, now tainted with hesitance and shame. The way he clasped his hands behind him in an effort to create proper manners and distance.

A shaky exhale, a puff of cold air passing her lips.

"Cam'helin. . .?"

A tremor ran through his shoulders to his knees, head tilting skyward to let his hood fall and raising a shaking hand to delicately remove his mask. Letting it slip from his fingers to clatter to the ground at his feet, he slowly cast his gaze on her. Anguish and shame burned bright in their dark green depths.

He was such a horrid liar, so completely awful at hiding his feelings, which made him all the more impressive as a spy.

Silence reigned for several long moments, heavy and oppressive, before Solas spoke.

"Cam'helin is one of my agents," he stated quietly, taking a slow step forward as if he dreaded to make the faintest sound. "I sent him to watch and protect you, as well as to report the Inquisition's movements." Fixing his eyes on Cam'helin, a hint of pride entered his voice. "He has been invaluable."

As frozen as her body was, Kida's mind was racing, and she stared in horrified shock as the pieces began to form a path.

Their convenient meeting, his knowledge as a spy, the blatant confliction he possessed when he first expressed his feelings for her, how he would never show affection unless they were alone, his reaction to Yeros in the alley. There were countless more, simply little things, but when put together they made sense.

And besides her usual caution of strangers in the beginning, she never suspected a thing. She'd been burned so thoroughly before, yet she lowered her guard for Cam'helin because he was genuine and accepting and _nice_ to her. Everything she subconsciously craved, he was that incarnate and more.

She remembered the night before, his fear and confessions. There was an ache to his touch, something desperate, as if it were the last time he expected to hold her. She'd written it off as nerves caused by being on battles doorstep, and had done everything in her power to help them both relax. Still he had seemed to hold a heavy dread, and now she knew why.

_"I love you, more than anything, beyond words. Always remember that, no matter what comes."_

Truly, she didn't know which thought was more heartbreaking: that he became so close to her simply for information, or because he actually grew to love her despite his orders and loyalties.

He did love her, of that she was certain. There was no way anyone, least of all him, could fake the way he looked at her.

"Why?" Her voice broke on the word, nary more than a strangled whisper, staring at him with a shattered gaze. ". . . How could you?"

His expression crumbled further, eyes squeezing closed as a single tear slid down his cheek. Exhaling shakily, he gritted his teeth against his onslaught of emotion, "Kida. . . I am so sorry, my love."

A haze began to enter her mind, blurring her thoughts and the edges of her vision, but not so much that she didn't see Solas take a step back in surprise. She could see the moment understanding dawned on him, followed immediately by a pain so raw and heart wrenching that she trembled from the mere sight.

"I see. I should have expected nothing less." He sounded fond, almost proud, even with his tone shaking and expression twisted in heartache. "Only you could make my most trusted agent stray from his purpose."

Kida barely heard him, cold seeping into every inch of her body. Power and energy thrummed through her bones, licking her skin, the innate magic that coiled against the cusp of her control sloshing over the edge like a full chalice tipped sideways.

Ice crackled in the air around them, creeping from under her feet and outwards across the ground. The temperature cooled rapidly, her breath coming out in short bursts as her fists clenched, mist curling around her as if it were an old friend. A silver-white fog shrouded her eyes, glow ethereal as it blotted out her golden irises, and she bared her teeth against a howl of anguish.

The scrape of her armored boots on the ice beneath her as she rose off of the ground was startlingly loud in the silence, a sudden wind whipping over the hill. A voice called her name, but she failed to hear.

This was something that always terrified her, losing control, but now she couldn't bring herself to care. Release from the pain of the world and all it had decided to do to her, that was all she wished for. Freedom, release, to give in and empty herself of everything. Would that truly be so awful?

And she would have. She nearly did.

But as she began to rise higher still, intent on letting her magic do its own bidding, finally free from the locked cage she'd shoved it in, she felt fingers close around her wrist.

Head whipping down with a snarl that echoed unnaturally, her glowing eyes found moss green.

Hair lashing out with the wind, Cam'helin held her wrist in a firm grip, one that allowed no argument of release. He gazed up at her with bloodshot eyes and lashes damp with shed tears, lips parted as he struggled to breathe in her icy wind. Skin unhealthily pale, he looked as though he hadn't slept in days, yet he did not falter nor flinch when frost creeped across the armor on his forearm. Fear held his expression, not for himself, but for her.

Other emotions played in his eyes as well: awe, hope, desperation, understanding, love.

So much love.

For all her magic, it was he who looked ethereal in that moment, holding onto her even as she stood on the edge of destruction.

And with the sight of him risking his life to stop her, to dare get close to her while her magic ran rampant, she knew what she had to do.

* * *

The forest was quiet aside from the steady clop of her horses hooves, the wildlife still silent from the havoc that the battle had caused. Green light scarred the sky in spiderwebbed splinters, similar to what remained of the Breach, but far bigger and menacing. A reminder of the battle that would mark history with its presence, immortalized by time and in the books that would undoubtedly be written about that day. People would whisper and gossip would warp the truth, but many would remember the tale of how the Inquisitor gathered an army and stopped the Dread Wolf from ripping the Veil asunder. Talk of how she spared his life and achieved yet another seemingly impossible feat would spread, parties would be thrown in her honor. They may even build a statue of her, as they did the Hero of Ferelden.

She was adamant about not being present for any of that.

Sitting painfully straight-backed astride her mount, each step jostling her sore joints and further tensing her muscles, Kida slowly made her way away from the city. Halani trotted beside her, ears tilted back and posture downcast as he kept alert for unwanted intruders. The battle had worn on him almost as much as it did her, though in different ways. For as far as she was aware, her companion was not the one who nearly destroyed himself and the surrounding area by letting his magic loose.

Five days later and her body still ached from such an overexertion of her magic, yet despite the deep pain in her bones, she felt strangely light. It was almost as if releasing the power that resided in her had emptied her of its burden, if only for a short while.

Regardless of how it made her feel however, she wouldn't be allowing herself to loose control like that again.

Her destination was currently anywhere far from everyone and everything, wanting nothing to do with the fame and fortune. She'd been serious when she said she would leave if this war was resolved peacefully. Except instead of bidding her friends farewell and officially stepping down from her position as Inquisitor, she had merely gathered her meager belongings and ran. It would be hours, perhaps even a few more days, before they realized that she was absent. She would have been surprised that it'd taken this long, if she wasn't aware of all the partying that had started before she left.

And by the time her presence was noticeably not there, she would be too far gone to find. She'd had enough.

The ache of her heart had not dulled, still heavy and solemn and burning white-hot with every thud against her ribs. Had it hurt this much when Solas left her standing in that grove, and later kneeling in front of that eluvian? Or was heartbreak something that hurt more the second time around, because of that precious trust being broken again? She did not know and for once, she didn't want an answer.

Yet even as she was wracked with angry heartache at the truth of who he was and what he'd done, she missed him. She longed to see his face, his dimpled smile, feel the gentle brush of his fingertips over her cheek, see that playful glint in his eyes when he teased her. Her chest squeezed as the memory of his voice whispering words of affection echoed in her ears, the feeling of his fingers stroking her hair, the cool expanse of his chest pressed against her bare back.

She wanted to dance in the forest with him.

As unbidden as her thoughts of Cam'helin, Solas' face flashed through her mind, twisted with his own heartbreak. After she'd calmed, she had managed to convince him to try her alternative to his plan, which had thankfully worked. However, once the battle was over he disappeared, and she was inclined to believe he left sooner than she did. Truly she couldn't blame him, for why would he stay? His people needed him, there was forgiveness that he still needed to earn, and she was not there to hold him as she once was.

She had broken his heart, something that cut her almost as deeply as the truth of who Cam'helin was.

Her flesh hand came up to cover her mouth, smothering whatever strangled noise her body tried to release, eyes and nostrils burning as she struggled to compose herself. Blast it all, she _missed him_ , and felt as though she had been ripped through.

But, as if summoned by her thoughts and anguish, he came.

The sudden deep growl Halani gave made her tense. Pulling her mount to a stop, frost coiled down her arms as she twisted around to face whatever was snapping branches behind her, an icy scowl capturing her features. Moments later Cam'helin burst through the underbrush, the sight of him causing her to recoil in her saddle, her heart fluttering in a manner far too pleasant for her current anguish. Regaining her composure, she narrowed her eyes at him.

Coming to a scrambling stop a few feet away, his eyes darted from the bristling Halani to where Kida sat atop her mount. Frantic gaze filling with relief as he recognized her, he staggered back a step.

" _Kida._ " He breathed, eyes sparkling with raw joy, only to dim as quickly as it came. Having him stare at her in stunned silence gave her time to blink past the pained haze of her vision to study him.

He was wearing his old armor, the set that reflected him, but he looked as dirty as she'd ever seen him. Hair wild and windswept, stray bits of leaves and dirt clinging to his clothing and skin, his chest rose with labored pants as he tried to catch his breath. There was an angry red lash above his right eyebrow, no doubt inflicted by a branch as he ran past. Dark circles lined his eyes and exhaustion weighed his stance, causing him to sway on the spot, making him look as though he hadn't slept since the battle.

"I finally caught up to you." He said after a long moment, breathless, and she realized with a start that he must have been chasing her since she left.

Cam'helin took a small step forward, one that he immediately retracted when Halani growled and Kida raised her hand in warning. Hurt and understanding flashed across his face at the sight of her grimace and the ice spiraling up her arm. Sitting atop the obsidian steed and clothed in her battle worn armor, expression held by the clutches of pain and anger, she resembled a spirit of vengeance.

Raising his hands slightly, he showed her his palms in surrender and lowered his eyes, causing her chest to squeeze painfully. No matter how much bluster she put up, she could never bring herself to harm him, and she knew that he was aware of this. Yet, he still respected her wishes.

Truthfully, she feared that if he came too close, she would break.

"What do you want?" She demanded, thankful that her voice remained steady. Not that it mattered, for it was low and raspy, as if she had tried to inhale sea water.

"You have every right to be furious with me, to turn around and leave." He began, raising his head to meet her gaze. Unshed tears making his eyes glimmer like emeralds underwater, he straightened his stance and lowered his hands. "But _please,_ " he voice wavered, "Let me speak. I do not ask you to forgive me, I don't deserve it, just listen to me."

Clenching her jaw, Kida watched him with a shining gaze. She would like to think that a silent war raged between her mind and emotions the long moment she stared, but two things that agreed so steadfastly could not fight.

With a shaky exhale she slowly lowered her arm, gripping the horn of the saddle with her metal hand and swinging herself into the ground. One of her knees gave upon the impact, causing her to stumble, and she saw him lurch forward instinctively to catch her, only to freeze with his first step. Trying and failing to ignore the ache caused from her legs and his reaction to her pain, she waved a hand at Halani to heel. With a snort the wolf relaxed back on his haunches, watching the scene before him with rapt interest.

"Speak." Her tone was steel, yet she couldn't bring herself to look at his face for longer than a short moment before flitting her eyes down to his chest.

Cam'helin wasted not a second, as if fearing she would change her mind.

"I should have told you." His words were sure, as though he had dwelled on what he planned to say for a long while. But that could not stop him from sounding miserable, achingly sincere. "I know I should have, but I didn't."

Something bitter made her stomach turn, had her spitting out words that she hadn't planned on saying. "Because you are loyal to him."

"No!" He nearly exclaimed, horrified realization taking his expression. Subconsciously he took a half step forward, wanting to be closer, and lowered his voice. "No. I was, but not anymore. I cannot be loyal to him when I am loyal to you. Something I realized too late."

With a scuff she rolled her eyes skyward, pulling her features into an icy reflection of a scowl, though it was only to ward off the stinging of her eyes.

Unlike every other time he was faced with her cold deflection, he faltered, flexing his jaw and blinking determinedly against unshed tears. Taking a steadying breath in attempt to compose himself, he continued, "Kida, I was afraid. I knew who you were long before I was assigned to you, my fellow agents called you the Dread Wolf's Vhenan. At first, though I was fascinated by you, I was simply following my orders. You were unknowingly my charge, it was my duty first and foremost to protect you, even if you didn't need it." His voice cracked, turning raw and stripped. "I was terrified when I realized I was in love with you, torn between what I felt and my loyalties. But I made you smile, I made you _laugh_ , and that was all it took for me to give into you with hardly any resistance. By the time I wanted to tell you, I was afraid that you would-"

Kida's throat closed as he cut himself off, watching him bite his lip and run a hand through his tangled hair. Frost spiraled across her back, wild emotions pushing against the wall she'd built up around herself to keep from crumpling to her knees. His own feelings seemed to seep into the surrounding air, loose and free, making it all the more difficult for her to keep her composure.

"I feared you would leave." He continued, words slow as he spilled his heart. "It was selfish, something I deeply regret, I didn't want to lose you before I'd even had the chance to hold you. Rather, I wanted to make you as happy as I could." A bitter smile curved his mouth, fleeting as a flicker of lightening in the sky. "Though, I suppose the hope of not loosing you was foolish to begin with."

_'Is that what he believes? That he has lost me?'_

It was obvious by his self-loathing tone that he hadn't said that last sentence in attempt to garner her pity or pull at her heartstrings, but nevertheless she ached upon hearing them. There was anger in his gaze, not at her, but at himself for his actions and the outcome they had wrought. In all the months she'd known him, this was the first time she saw him express disgust at himself, all because of what he had done to her.

"Above all that, I didn't want to hurt you." He spoke barely above a whisper, anguish taking his expression as he caught her gaze and held it resolutely. Her stoic mask wavered. "Words alone could never fully express my regret for the pain my dishonesty and betrayal has put you through. I knew this would hurt us both beyond measure in the end, and that is the last thing I ever wanted. But I was a coward."

Despite his continuous efforts in holding back his tears, they slipped past his wavering barriers when he squeezed his eyes closed. "I am so sorry, Kida, you deserve better than that."

In the past she had believed that the man in front of her should never have a reason to frown, let alone cry, and had wanted to be the one to bring him unwavering happiness. She'd wanted to be the reason he smiled, to help him find more reasons to laugh, to share the joys of life that she had forgotten with him. Seeing him now, dirty and tired, crying and shattered, she found that none of those wishes had changed.

"I refuse to apologize for loving you," Cam'helin said quietly after a long bout of silence, shining gaze flickering down to settle at her feet. "Of everything I regret, that's something I don't. What we shared. . . it is the best thing I've ever been apart of. I would do it again. I choose you, every moment, without hesitation. Even if you hate me, I am yours."

Never in her life had she wanted to hold someone more, to reconnect their broken pieces together with gentle hands and gentler words.

_'You made me happy again.'_

Her mind was numb from her feelings, her aching form, and from the havoc of the past few days, but that was the one thought that echoed as clearly as a bell in a cave. After all, bringing happiness into her hollow life was one of the very first things he did. He made her laugh and smile, allowing her to forget the things that haunted her mind, if only for a short moment.

Another thought flashed through her mind, a memory from months ago of something he whispered in the heat of passion. She couldn't understand why she remembered it now, in such a setting it seemed irrelevant, ridiculous to even ask. Yet it was persistent, pressed against the back of her teeth by her curiosity.

She trembled, drawing in a sharp breath in attempt to steady herself. When she spoke her tone was low, fragile. "That night at the cabin. . . You never told me, what did you say?"

Cam'helin started at the sound of her voice, eyes widening in surprise, before tilting his head in poorly hidden curiosity. She could place no blame on him for it, it was the first thing she had said since giving him a chance to say his piece, and it was a question that had nothing to do with what he confessed. Regardless, it was something she felt she desperately needed to know, as if her next decision hinged on his answer.

" _Vos nun habeditis adhuk cadare. Non esht macum._ " He said, the words bringing an odd serenity to his face that vanished as he repeated the translation. "You will never have to fall again. Not with me." A bitter smile, one that was far from reaching his eyes, which held only resigned sadness. "I broke that promise."

Blood singing with something she couldn't quite identify, she took an unsteady step forward, eyes swimming with moisture and resolution. "Would you fix it?"

He straightened, looking at her as though the last thing he expected her to do was step toward him. A slight tremor ran through his body, causing him to sway and making it seem like the slightest breeze would topple him.

"Yes." Breathless hope colored him, from his tone to his expression and eyes, but he quickly lowered his head, as if it shamed him. It was as if he had decided that she was going to run from him at any moment and was trying to accept it. "Whatever you want, I will never force you. It's your choice."

That was all she needed.

A gasped sob ripped its way past her throat, tears overflowing as she rushed forward on legs weak with exhaustion and emotion. Eyes widening he lunged forward instinctively, meeting her halfway and freezing when she wrapped her arms around him in a strong embrace. It was only a second before he reacted however, clinging to her like she was his lifeline. Knees buckling they sank into the grass, gripping each other desperately as their resolves finally broke, tears free to flow as they trembled.

"You ridiculous man." Kida gasped wetly, pulling back only enough to meet his eyes. "I've told you before, I only want you."

" _Oh,_ " He breathed, a smile brighter than the sun spreading across his face, dimpled and sweet and full of unrivaled love. Brushing away the wet streaks on her cheek he cupped her face with a hand, eyes shimmering. " _Kida._ "

Reaching up she smoothed back his hair, tucking it behind his ear and plucking a leaf from the strands, her own smile growing. A laugh that held more resemblance to a chipped sob was pulled from him when he saw it, and he leaned down to rest his forehead on hers. Slowly, with a ripe amount of hesitance, he tilted her chin up to catch her lips with his, and while it was chaste in every aspect, it sent warmth flooding through the both of them.

This was right, it felt right, and they didn't plan on ever letting each other go again.

The moment was short lived in its peacefulness however as a loud, happy howl rang through the air. Halani leaped up with enthusiasm from his resting place to bound over to them, crashing into them with the intent of celebratory licks, until they were nothing more than a wiggling pile of groans and laughs.


	11. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Four years after chapter ten.
> 
> This is angsty if you think about Solas while you read it.

Birdsong twittered at the edges of her hearing, blending naturally with the rustle of leaves caused by the gentle breeze that drifted through the trees. The faint chirps of insects sounded from the brush outside, singing their appreciation of the warm heat of the day. Soft evening sunlight dappled through the window in the small kitchen, shining against her back as she rhythmically sliced vegetables on the counter.

While she wasn't the best cook, she knew how to use a knife, and this was something she could do without fear of having an unsavory meal. And aside from giving her a way to help, it was a soothing process, one that allowed her to reflect and think.

Four years. . .

Exactly four years since she was on a battlefield, since she was called 'Inquisitor,' since she had saved Thedas for the last time. And in those past four years, she had never felt such peace, free to relax and to live as she wished. A serenity held her thoughts where there was once nothing but darkness and the weight of thousands of peoples lives. Her bones sung with the soft joy of sharing her life with Cam'helin and all they had built together.

When they fled from Tevinter, they did not stop until towns became untainted forests and the people turned to wildlife. Only then did they rest, building a modest cabin and calling it home, happily content to live their lives away from the world's wanting gaze. Though it brought its own set of difficulties, they found the company of nature calming, the animals friendly and welcoming as the strange foreigners settled amongst them.

At first Kida had been concerned, wondering if Cam'helin would truly enjoy being so far from other people. He was charismatic, someone who enjoyed the dance of conversation and the friendly banter between two or more people, which made her fret that he would be unhappy. But her fears were soon proven unnecessary, as the man adjusted so smoothly into living away from civilization it was as though he'd done it his whole life. Not a day passed without his boisterous laugh and open smile, the ones that always caused Kida to mirror them, and it wasn't long before she found herself smiling without prompt.

The rustling of something wading through the thick trees outside pulled her from her mind, ears twitching as she stilled and focused, liquid gaze hardening. Frost curling slowly down her arms, she flexed her jaw and rotated her metal wrist, instinctively preparing for the worst. Years as the Inquisitor and enduring attempted assassinations, the backstabbing of the Game, and countless battles had honed her into always being ready for a fight. It was something she would never be rid of, and truthfully she was glad for it, for she now had more than herself to protect.

The deep bark that rang out, followed by a familiar laugh, made her relax, inhaling deeply to steady her magic. Quickly she set down the knife, now coated in a fine layer of ice, and wiped her hands on a spare kitchen cloth. With her lips quirking up in a small smile, she made her way toward the front door of the cabin, a slight bounce to her step that she couldn't quite contain. Once outside she smoothed a palm down her crimson tunic, the sun setting her ivory skin aglow, and fixed her gaze on the figures emerging from the trees.

Halani trotted happily in front with a satchel strapped to his shoulders and back, full of what would no doubt become dinner. His age had begun to show, but he was no less spry, possessing that pup-like demeanor that he was born with.

Catching sight of her, he wasted no time in bounding over, so much enthusiasm in his movements that she feared he would topple over his own paws. Squatting down and holding out her arms with a smile, she embraced him, rubbing his cheeks affectionately as she cooed.

Getting the satchel off of him proved difficult, as he was persistent in trying to lick her face, but she managed to remove it without having her mouth violated by his tongue. As if that was all he was waiting for he shot away from her, running around the small clearing and rolling through the grass in his excitement at being home. Free from the beast's attention, she gave a silent chuckle and dropped the satchel, turning her gaze to Cam'helin.

Finding him frozen at the tree line and already watching her wasn't a surprise, the soft expression he wore causing her to swell with affection. Even after all these years, the breathtaking smile he graced her with still had the ability to make her heart thud unsteadily.

Time had not changed him in the slightest, appearing as youthful as he was when they first met, eyes the color of deep forest moss forever bright with life. The sun gleamed against his ebony hair as it shined like the night sky in winter, each strand catching the light and reflecting it. Body lithe and clad in his fitted leather trousers and high collared shirt, he strode toward her with all the graceful silence of a cat.

"Kida."

She met him halfway, allowing him to sweep her up into his arms and spin them around, a wide smile curving her mouth. Once settled on the ground she cupped his jaw, feeling his hands move to hold her hips as she traced his cheekbones with her thumbs. Giving him a false look of seriousness, one that was difficult to hold when faced with that affectionate smile of his, she spoke in a level tone.

"You are late."

"I did my best to hurry back," he said with a chuckle, easily seeing past her playful chiding, "The prey ran a bit further than usual." Leaning down, he lightly touched his forehead to hers. "I missed you."

His words pulled a warm little smile from her, and unlike in the past, she did nothing to hide it. Barely gone half a day and able to say such things without a hint of dishonesty, it was endearing, bringing a sense of joy to her that only he could manage. And with him, she found that she returned the feeling.

Expression brightening further at her reaction, which was a feat all on its own, he rocked backwards and clasped her hands.

"You're glowing."

Before she could respond in any way other than a squeeze to his fingers, an excited shout rang out. Both turned in time to see a small figure dart out of the cabin, little more than a streak of black as they barreled toward them, nearly tripping in their haste.

" _Babae!_ "

Cam'helin smiled widely, releasing his hold on Kida and kneeling down to catch the child in his arms, embracing them tightly.

"Athalas, _ma da'len!_ " He said with a laugh when the little girl pulled back, watching her with an equal amount of happiness. Athalas giggled and planted a noisy kiss on his cheek, one that he returned readily, causing Kida to press a hand against her mouth to smother a laugh.

"Welcome back, _Babae_." She said sweetly, petting the top of his head before pulling out of his hold.

"It's good to be home." He responded as he smoothed a hand over her hair. "I missed you."

A deep bark rang out, distracting Athalas and drawing her attention to Halani, who was watching the three alertly, tail thumping against the ground. With an exclamation of the wolf's name she ran toward him, giving a loud laugh when he leapt to his feet and began to run in circles around her.

"Our daughter has the attention span I did at her age," Cam'helin said fondly, rising to his feet and capturing Kida's flesh hand in his own.

_'Our daughter.'_ Kida thought with a proud hum and laced her fingers through his, gaze following the child as she finally caught Halani, the two dramatically falling to the ground.

Despite how much she adored them, a child wasn't something she ever thought she would have, not with how she'd lived her life and her fears of becoming a mother. But this. . . this was different. Now she had no status, free to live and raise Athalas with Cam'helin without being pulled away by duties and threatened with unforseen danger.

Kida leaned closer to the man beside her, brushing her arm against his as she watched their daughter playfully scuffle with the animal. Cam'helin often said that she was a mirror image of her, to which Kida would scuff and point out Athalas' ebony hair and olive skin, a shade lighter than his own. She bore the same golden eyes as her mother, but they held none of Kida's piercing glare, only sharp in an intelligent manner.

Lovely in both appearance and personality, Athalas was a gift to the both of them, one that they would treasure.

Cam'helin's cool, callused fingers on her chin pulled her from her musing and turned her face toward him, thumb gliding up the line of her jaw as he stared. A faint pink touched her cheeks upon seeing his soft, adoring expression, coaxing her to capture his lips with her own. It was a warm kiss, one that he tenderly reciprocated, leaning into her touch as she trailed her fingertips across his cheekbone.

"We should fix dinner. . ." She murmured, pulling away after a long moment, eyes liquid gold and sounding not at all ready to do anything of the sort.

"We should," he agreed, cupping the back of her neck and closing the distance again, lingering with every movement of his mouth before breaking away with a sigh. With a soft quirk of his lips and an affectionate shine to his eyes he stepped back, turning to walk toward the cabin.

Letting out a wavering breath to steady herself, she started after him, baffled and amused that he could still knock her off balance so easily. Flicking her gaze to Athalas and Halani, she called out as Cam'helin picked up the satchel, "Dinner will be ready soon."

"Okay!" Athalas replied with a lively smile, glancing up from where she was weaving flowers into Halani's neck fur. "I'll stay here."

"Have fun," she said, eyes warm as she looked between her daughter and the pleased wolf. " _Ar lath ma._ "

"Love you too, _Mamae._ "

When Kida stepped into the small kitchen she wasn't surprised to find Cam'helin at the counter with a knife in hand, having already set to work on the meat he'd brought. Stepping up beside him, she returned to her task of cutting vegetables, a serene silence settling over them. Only a few moments passed until she noticed the occasional glance he threw her way and, knowing what he wanted, wordlessly held up a slice of carrot. Teeth grazing gently over her thumb as he pulled it from her hold, she felt his lips touch her knuckles in silent thanks.

This was repeated every so often, her feeding him bits of what she was cutting when he wordlessly asked, never looking up from her knife. It was a regular occurrence, a part of their routine that began early into their evenings of preparing dinner together. It had never bothered her, rather, she found it endearing that he liked to eat while fixing food, and as the years passed she occasionally found herself copying him.

It wasn't long before they finished, setting the table and settling down. Halani, his collar adorned in pale blue flowers courtesy of Athalas' efforts, sat beside Kida with his head resting on her thigh, watching her every move keenly. She had mercy on him, giving him small bits of the meat they'd cooked, which resulted in a happy wolf and drool soaking into the leg of her trousers.

Cam'helin sat across from her, listening raptly to Athalas as she told him about a butterfly she found while he was gone. Seeing him watch their daughter with such seriousness distracted her, and more often than she was willing to admit she found herself simply staring at them, a small smile curving her lips. She knew he noticed, if the fond glances he threw her way were any indication, and after a while he held out his hand across the table. Without hesitation she slid her fingers into his, lacing them together, the coolness of their skin almost identical. When Athalas turned the conversation to a bird she'd seen, Kida let herself join in, talking and laughing at length with them until the moon rose high.

When Athalas' laughs turned to giggled yawns, Kida pressed a kiss to her temple and watched as Cam'helin gently lifted her into his arms, speaking softly as he carried her to bed. They took turns tucking her in and telling stories, similar in the way they rotated who went hunting, another bit of normalcy and routine that she cherished. As his voice drifted from the cracked door she stepped toward the window, letting the airy softness of his tone wash over her as she gazed up at the stars.

Halani brushed against her legs, nudging her with his nose until she looked down and dug her fingers into his neck fur. Feeling the flowers still weaved into his hair, she picked one out and smirked.

"I won't be helping you get these out," she stated, a playful tinge to her tone as she narrowed her eyes at him. "You are the one who got yourself into this."

The wolf huffed in an offended manner, as though the very idea of removing the flowers was an atrocity. Tilting his head up, he licked the back of her hand before gently catching her wrist in his mouth, giving it a playful bite as he grunted. He released her a moment later, turning to trot towards Athalas' chambers with Kida's faint chuckle following after him.

"Goodnight, Halani."

The lilting tune of an old Dalish lullaby carried by Cam'helin's voice met her ears, soothing her and causing her to sigh. It was a rare thing to hear him sing, she didn't even know he could until she was pregnant, but it never failed to give her a sense of home. It was warm and full of affection, steady in its delivery, wrapping around her so compellingly that she found herself softly humming along.

There were parts of her that wondered if all of this was simply some fever dream, induced by the pain and weariness she felt from relinquishing control of her magic four years ago. A faint voice, the one that whispered doubts from the depths of her mind, tried to convince her with oily words that she didn't deserve this peace, that it wasn't real. Attempts at haunting her with questions of whether or not she was deserving of such happiness pushed at her mind in the late hours when all were asleep.

But unlike in the past, it had little effect on her.

After years of giving herself to other people and meeting everything the world had decided to inflict upon her head on, she finally had the family she'd spent her whole life wanting. She felt deserving, content and finally able to rest. And as she gazed at the stars above, clearer than they had ever been before, she believed that all the heartache was worth it.

Kida Lavellan may have been shattered before, but that didn't mean that she could not heal.

So absorbed in her thoughts and the sight of the stars above, she didn't notice the near silent sound of Athalas' door closing. By reflex she tensed when Cam'helin's hand touched the small of her back, only to relax and turn her head to look at him. With an exhale of amusement he kissed her shoulder, letting his fingers glide down her metal arm until he could cover her hand with his. Leaning into him as he drew closer, forever comforted by his presence, she reached up to catch a lock of his hair, gaze never leaving his reflective eyes.

"You're beautiful by moonlight." She'd only meant to think it, but the bright smile he gave her told her how much she failed at doing that.

"You stole the words right out of my mouth." Dimples flashing he took her hand and tugged at it. "Come to the roof with me?"

Lips twitching, she followed after him, his bold excitement infectious. His love for stargazing had bloomed since they left, as he finally had proper time to enjoy such a hobby, and nearly every night he convinced her to join him. Not that she needed much convincing, the man once persuaded her to go skinny-dipping with nothing more then one of his warm confident smiles and a single raised brow. Usually someone having that much sway over her would make her recoil, but she knew her limits, and she trusted him.

There was no ladder that they could use, but it was still fairly easy for them to climb up, both helping the other keep steady. A silent laugh shook her shoulders as he eagerly pulled her along, letting him securely wrap an arm around her waist when they sat, pressed hip-to-hip. Reaching over he caught her flesh hand, thumb sliding slowly along her wrist and down to trace her knuckles. As he always did, he finished his wondering by stroking over the Dalish promise ring on her finger, his own shining under the starlight. They were silver in color, almost iridescent under the correct lighting, though she didn't rightly know what they were made of. Truthfully she wouldn't have minded if they were made of iron, caring only that he had the thought to give her one.

Since he seemed to know so little about the Dalish and their customs, she'd been surprised when he presented them to her. It was one of the few times she had seen him nervous, and she listened with a mix of shock and welling happiness as he explained how he bought them in the last town they had passed through. It wasn't a gesture she expected from him, but it meant more to her than she thought it would that he'd made an effort to connect with her heritage.

Looking up from their hands, golden eyes gleaming in the dark, she lightly bumped his shoulder with hers, mirroring the smile he gave her in response. Tilting his head, he reached up and tucked a loose lock of hair behind her ear, lingering on where the ends brushed her jaw. It wasn't long ago that he helped her cut it, shamelessly expressing his fondness for her shorter hair when all was done. It made her look younger, less worn by war.

"Do you want to know something?" He asked, moving to place his hand over her heart.

"Always."

"Naturally," he chuckled, green eyes soft. "It's been five years and a month since we met."

"And a month?" She repeated with a snort, watching him with amusement as she leaned back to brace herself on her metal hand. "You counted the months?"

"Why wouldn't I?" He sounded incredulous at the idea that he wouldn't, before a crooked smile tugged at his mouth, dazzling her. "That is after all, when I met the love of my life."

She gave a breathless laugh in hopes of quelling the flush of color across her face and the pleasant squeeze of her heart, "You are a sap."

"Yes." He leaned into her, pressing a gentle, chaste kiss to her lips before continuing softly. "And you love me."

"Yes." She whispered, breath hitching.

"Polar Bear." Ah, that playful teasing, she was beginning to wonder where it went.

"Cam." Not bothering to reject the nickname, as it would be a fruitless venture, she instead moved to rest her forehead against his, a grin curving her lips.

And as the night continued on they gazed at the sky, watching the stars as they shined like diamonds, wrapped together and finally at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Babae: Father  
> Mamae: Mother  
> Ma da'len: My little one/child  
> Ar lath ma: I love you
> 
> Find me on Tumblr: Ma-Serannas-Vhenan

**Author's Note:**

> "I'll write a short story," the author said.  
> "This is not a short story!" They later protested.


End file.
